To Whom It May Concern:?

Question

To whom it may concern:

Everyday for the last 7.5 years of my life has been an adventure. Not a bad one, but not a good one either. I have a daughter whom I love very much that means the world to me, but after 7,5 years of life, that is about it. I am not proud of my marriage nor am I happy about it. Not that it has been a bad marriage, it has just been a very dull excitmentless marriage between two people who are EXTREMELY different. My finances are a frickin nightmare! I have been foreclosed upon, repossessed and called 24/7 by bill collectors who want there money. I am 26 years old. I feel as though I have been an adult my whole life. I just want to slow down, and see what life could be like if I tried to experience it and enjoy it more. If I could enjoy the simpler things in life and learn to appreciate what I have and not cry about what I want. If I could just start all over that would be so fantastic, but I can't. No one can. We can start new, but not all over.

So, that is what I want! I want to start new. I want to look in the mirror one morning and see a woman that I am proud of. See a woman that I can look right in the eyes and say "you go girl." I want to be a woman that my daughter can idolize and say I want to be just like her when I grow up.

Unfortunately, that means that I am going to have to be selfish and move on. Start a new life without being married. I love my husband dearly and I care for him, but I am not in love with him. I do not want to hurt him, and I do not want to make his life miserable, but I want mine to be better. The only way to do that is to start completely new.

I would love to hear what others have to say about this. Please let me know your thoughts and opinions. Please be honest as I am not looking for your help or asking you what to do, I have already made up my mind what to do. I am simply asking for your opinions.

Okay! I understand that I need to grow up, and that is what I am trying to do. 85% of my financial problems were his before we ever married. I am not a horrible person. I work close to 55 hours a week and do everything I can to make sure that we are getting our finances back on track. I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained from trying to make things all better!

I am the only one who wakes my daughter up for school, I am the only one who brushes her hair, gets her dressed, packs her lunch, driver her to school, goes to work, comes home, does her homework with her, cooks dinner, cleans the house, gets her ready for bed, reads her a bedtime story, tuck her in and then pass out until 5:30 am the next morning.

It is not like I am not trying. I just want to feel like I am trying for something that makes a difference. I want to enjoy my daughter more. I want to be happy more. I want to feel like my life is worth working so damn hard for!

Answer 1

Mercy girl, you want the same thing most of us are chasing. It doesn't happen over night. Sounds as though you've been wanting this for quite some time! To love someone but not be "in love" is tuff. It's going to hurt, that's just the facts!
You need to let the man know what you're feeling. If I was your husband and read the above paragraphs. That would be enough for me to understand that your miserable!
When and if you have this sincere conversation with him, don't let him change your mind. If he loves you, he'll want to make attempts to change his ways for you! But eventually it would fall back to the same ol' routine. The finances and debt, you acquired together. Your both responsible for them. A fresh start with lousy credit doesn't happen easily, sorry..been there! I feel for you! Pray every morning for his guidance, and thank him every night for what he has given to you! I've been down the same road, thanks to alcohol and drug addiction. I'm still cleaning my mess from the past, one day at a time. That day will come when we can look in in the mirror and be proud of ourselves....it does require action and faith!! You have to do it for yourself first, no one else,including your daughter. Best wishes, God Bless

Answer 2

In trying to be a better, realer version of yourself i want to caution you on one thing. No matter what, you have to put your daughter first, always. I have recently done what you are about to do. I was married for 18yrs. Some were good some were bad, but I realized I was miserable and nothing my husband said or did could fix it. It was something within myself. It has been two years and I am happier now than I had ever been during my marriage. Not that it is easy. It is anything but. Financially i am not completely stable. I work my butt off just to stay barely above water. I sacfrifice a lot to give my daughter as much as I can. My kids are much older than yours. My son is 19 and my daughter is 16 so they were able to understand more about why thins happened the way they did, than your daughter will. My daughter is and has always been a daddy's girl and was extremely angry with me for a long time. It has only been in the last 6 months or so that she is trying to see things from my point of view. As for not wanting to hurt your husband, get real. Don't lie to yourself. You are going to devestate his life, his self-esteem, his world. You say things aren't bad so imagine the shock and confusion he will feel. I would say one more thing. Just remember the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Answer 3

You say you love your Husband, but are not in love with him.
Is that just an excuse for yourself? If you want the deep, passionate, exciting love back that you once new you can have it and rekindle it again. It will take work, effort, love but you can do it if you want!!!
I heard once and am a firm believer in it, that if anyone falls out of love it's because they got lazy.
You may not find what you think you are searching for in life, and then what? May want to reconsider this one friend.
Focus on your marriage, your Husband and put some love, and effort back into it. Get it rekindled again, back to life again. It's not impossible, and the benefits will be so worth it.
Each day you wake up can be a new beginning. You don't have to leave your Husband for that. "Yesterday is gone, Tommorrow hasn't happend yet, but I do have Today".
Best of luck, God bless. P.S Try Marriage Today.com and see if you can't find some answers you are searching for.
Been there too.

Answer 4

If I were that unhappy I would without a doubt make some major changes in my life. Maybe you should get a divorce with 50 - 50 custody. That is what my ex and I have and when I was single it gave me the time I needed to build a new life for myself and also gives our child time she needs with both of us. I didn't want to leave for moral reasons, however I am so glad that i did. I started a new career, met a wonderful man and LOVE my life now. Life is what you make of it, it is yours for the taking and happiness is a gift that you give not only yourself, but when you are happy, people around you are happy.

Answer 5

Can't place it I Am Not. Can't place it. Its back there somewhere in the cobwebs of my mind but no. Those Beautiful cruel words escape me. A lot like love isn't it? Reality cuts in and love goes out the window. But is that reality or depression? the reality is love, real love never dies. It has nothing to do with a chemical reaction or endorphins. Real love lives in the hearts and lives of the millions of people who have found it, the ones who have been together for 30, 40 or 50 plus years and loved every day like my mom and dad. The lucky ones, the soul mates. They never let the sun set on an unkind word and they love each other still in the world beyond tomorrow. Love Kent.

Answer 6

Money & debt really does a number on people. A lot of people with $ troubles have other troubles. Divorce being a biggie.

One is usually not inisolation of others. I would say get $ issue under control 1st , have a plan for that. Then see when that is under control how you feel about your life & marriage.

Good luck

Edit: FYI: Free Angel Banruptcy laws have changed/restructured-Declaring Bankruptcy is not clear cut and concise like it was in past. Not so simple

Answer 7

Have you considered marriage counseling? If you love your husband maybe you can fall in love with him if you both work on it together. I'm not saying that divorce isn't sometimes necessary, but it isn't always the answer.
You should try everything to save your marriage, and also seek credit counseling to deal with the creditors. I also suggest looking into going back to school, it will make a huge difference in your life.
If you are depressed you may want to talk to your doctor also...

I wish you luck, remember, if you want your daughter to be proud of you then you need to try your best to make your life work. That means try your best at your marriage, your life and your finances. You may not be able to save your marriage, but wouldn't you want your daughter to know that you and your husband tried.

Answer 8

If you divorce you husband, you will still be the only one doing all those things for your daughter.If your husband is not helping out any now, then basically you know what it is going to be like after the divorce already. The only thing that will change is, your daughter will be without a father figure...maybe he is not a good father...but a bad father is better than no father.

Answer 9

It sounds as though you have a real problem with responsibility... for finances, family, etc. Nobody owes you a life except for yourself. You need to take control of it and take responsibility for what happens to you. Life won't get any better until you own up to it and become an adult.

Good luck.

Answer 10

wow, sounds like a tough decision. Yes, you are young and if unhappy you need to move on. Staying wouldn't be fair to him, you, your daughter or anyone. Let him move on too. I would say you have made the right decision. If you care to chat more about it, e mail me and I will help as I can. Good luck!