My husband cheated on me and I want to return the favor. I took him back but I haven't forgiven him because I don't trust him and I mention the affair often. I want revenge. What should I do so that I can feel "even" without terminating the marriage?
2007-09-27 15:36:46 · 45 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have already asked about getting a divorce, so why would you want to bring yourself down to his level?
Just an excuse to cheat maybe?
You say "How can I get even with my husband without getting a divorce"?
I promise you if you cheat no matter what he has done "YOU WILL GET A DIVORCE" whether you want one or not.
He for sure has a problem and has already cheated on you more than once....
Have you ever cheated on him?
I tried to keep a marriage together also after my wife cheated on me, but I could not forgive her so instead of lowering myself to her standards I helped her get her own apartment and car and I moved her out.....and told her it was not fair for her that I can not forgive her....
2007-09-27 15:50:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving someone for an affair is asking a lot from a person and if it were me I would never forgive my husband for cheating. If I am a loyal and loving wife I expect the same actions in return and would expect nothing less.
What does marriage mean to you? How did you treat your marriage? If you were loyal and loving then you feel betrayed for what he did to you and rightfully so, but if you did a few things that were wrong in his eyes then you probably feel like he is justified for doing what he did.
There is no law saying that you have to forgive your husband for what he did. If you can't forgive him then the right thing to do would be to go to counseling so that you can get help to move on with your life. The wrong thing to do would be to put yourself on his level. You'll only feel worse about it all.
The words revenge and marriage should never go together. If you're looking to hurt your partner then it's just best to leave the situation. I hope you seek counseling with or without your husband before things get worse!
2007-09-27 16:11:36 · answer #2 · answered by Ronni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one bitter lady, and with right but you must Forgive him and get over this bitterness, resentment, anger, pain if you want to salvage your marriage.
Trust has been broken, plain and simple. It will take time for him to rebuild trust with you again. It will take Time, but it will happen again if you allow it.
Adultery is a hard thing to get past. Forgiveness is not forgetting it ever happend. Of corse you will always remember that, but you can learn to forgive him. Eye for eye is not a wise thing. You fight fire with fire and you end up getting a bigger fire. Has your Husband sincerely asked for your forgiveness and promised Never to do anything like that ever again? If so, then work on forgiveness not on revenge.
In the long run self satisfaction only hurts You, and more than the other person. This is going to hurt a bit, and I apologize
but it's a fact. Is there Any reasons at all, that you may have helped your husband commit this adultery? (with holding sex, being a disrepectful wife, etc..., you get the pitcher). It is sad, but true that what a man does not get at home, he Will find eles where. Appreciation, Respect, Touching, Sexual fullfiment, Understanding, etc.. I'm not saying he was in the right,not at all. Usually always two to blame for everything, not one. Just be honest with yourself, and go from there. God bless you and wish you much luck.
2007-09-27 15:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately 2 wrongs dont make a right , and u will not feel revenged u will feel horrible afterwards, because now u have stooped as low as he is, and u will never get over not only the fact that he cheated on you, but now u to have dishonored ur marital vows and cheated on him, u take away ur power of being able to throw it in his face when ur no better then he is..all ur doing in that case is giving him the right to say, "so u did it too" and u have become his equal and the marriage will still fall apart because no good can come out of a marriage where both have ruined the sanctity of marriage, atleast if the marriage ended tomorrow u could hold ur head up high with dignity and know that u never did anything to breach ur vows..
And its perfectly normal to feel this way, i totally understand it, but in my case he cheated and the moment i found out he left to go be with her.. now i thought by sleeping with another man after he left would make me feel better, would give me a sense of gradification that i can do it just as easily as him, but instead i cried all the way through it.. and i got zero revenge out of it, just hurt myself more by feeling as if i cheated on him ..
Trust me, the best thing u can do is to either try and work out ur marriage and get over this hurdle.. or to leave if u dont think u can ever forgive him for it.. other then that ur just wasting each others time from finding the "right" person ur suppose to be with in life..
2007-09-27 16:00:50 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! For someone who doesn't want the marriage to end, you sure want to hurt him! Two wrongs don't make a right. The real issue here, is obviously that you are very hurt for what he has done to you. Having an affair and lowering yourself to his wrong doings are not going to make you feel any better. If you truly want to stay in the marriage, you need to go to marriage counseling with your husband. If the hurt is just too deep to get over, then you need to end the marriage. But don't do something that might cause you more hurt in the long run. Best wishes to you...
2007-09-27 16:15:55 · answer #5 · answered by ladybug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How strong you are for staying! I have some steps I think might work, if you really want to make it work...b/c you truly love him.
You have to make him feel bad, and you have to let him know what he has. First, let it all out. Scream and go nuts. Let him know how bad it hurt over a BIG talk, then leave it at that. It HAS to come out, THEN you can proceed.
Confidence and independence is the BEST way to empower yourself, as well as make him realize what he has. There is something about seeing another person happy, or "okay" when something bad happens that makes you think they are tough and independent, and its sort of scary. Oh, and men for some reason seem to fear a strong independent woman! It will benefit you and make him think. You want him to think! Don't forget and don't let him forget, but constant fighting will not help. You have to choose to move forward.
Make some new friends who are up for adventures, start a workout routine to better your emotional state (plus exercise will make you feel beautiful and sexy and your walk will show it). Treat yourself to some late night walks, concerts, clubs, basically anything that shows you are still able to have fun and move on without actually moving on. When he sees you like this, he may think you are being "distant." Of course, you're just focusing on yourself.
It will take time and focus, b/c its the hardest thing to forget. If this works, you will have gained more than you thought.
You cannot let yourself be stuck in a snow globe of constant emotions. Either move forward, or move away from him.*
2007-09-27 16:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by Sassychica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could always cut off his wee willy winkie!!!!! Ha that would definately be revenge. No in all honesty if you want to make this marriage work you can not take revenge no matter how much it would make you feel vindacated. Trust will take time to gain back. Your husband should understand your mistrust. He should be making efforts to gain your trust back, but realizing the wound goes deep and it will take time. I commend you for trying to make your marriage work. I am so sorry that your husband betrayed you. All I know is it will take time a lot of time. If you both try it can work. I will pray for you two.
2007-09-27 15:45:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go file for divorce.. Obviously you will never move on from this. Read your question again.. (if you truely want "vengence" ) then you answered your own question.
"How can I get even with my husband without getting a divorce?
My husband cheated on me and I want to return the favor."
You say you want to return the favor. BUT.. what will that do but make you as bad and guilty as him. ?? Don't live the rest of your life in misery. Just leave.. or make him leave. dont make it any harder than it has to be.. thats what is wrong with most people in the dating world now.. so many times of being screwed over .. everyone thinks that everyone is a cheater and thats just not the facts.
2007-09-27 15:42:51 · answer #8 · answered by Christina 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
i wonder "why he cheated?" you want revenge, make him go to marriage counseling with you and work out your problems together. you say that you don't want your marriage to terminate, you have trust issues, and you harp on the affair all of the time, it sounds like it's time for the both of you to grow up, and start working on the marriage, and counseling is the first step! otherwise, do the both of you a favor and just get a divorce. why put yourselves through all of the grief and aggravation everyday for the rest of your lives?
2007-09-27 15:48:16 · answer #9 · answered by car dude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stoop to his level, you're not better than him. If you think you get satisfaction by sleeping with someone else then you must have a very low self-esteem. What would the guy you sleep with think of you?- Just guess!
Reading your message I can see why he cheated on you.
Why not take the high road? Be an adult and resolve the problem the right way. 2 wrongs will not make a right. I hope you don't have any children.
2007-09-27 15:48:55 · answer #10 · answered by Connie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋