ok, quick version. I'm in the military and currently stationed away from my husband. Had a fling w/ another soldier and ended up pregnant. My room mate told her boyfriend who then told the rest of the barracks that i was pregnant before I got the chance (ok I was acting like a chicken and taking my sweet time) to tell the guy. Well, he went ballistic. We are both married. I ended up telling him it wasn't his. Should I keep this secret? This could possibly ruin both our marriages and carriers.
2007-09-27 13:21:17 · 25 answers · asked by EJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to, your infidelity has caused consequences that are out of your control. The child deserves to know their biological father and both of your spouse deserve to know the truth. The trouble with affairs is there is often consequences for your actions, and no matter whether you want to keep it a secret too many people now know. Eventually one of your partners will hear of it. You also can't expect your husband to raise this child in the false belief he is the biological father as again there are so many ways the truth can come out.
You will need to own the truth and and pay for your actions, it wasn't as if you had an accident and got pregnant is it. I have heard no remorse from you about your actions, only about the consequences, therefore you need to examine your marriage anyway as the chances of this occurring again seem to be high..
2007-09-27 13:42:54 · answer #1 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know about your carrier (career), but it sounds like an excellent way to ruin a marriage. Should you keep this secret? Should you live a lie and pretend that you were impregnated by divine intervention? Do you really think that your husband is that stupid? Is the other guy that stupid?
You made this mess yourself. Clean it up yourself. Your husband and the other guy's wife deserved a whole bunch more than this crummy treatment and behavior.
2007-09-27 13:52:43 · answer #2 · answered by Randy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm the daughter of a soldier, and the ex-wife of one. I'm going to remind you of a few words: integrity, courage, and loyalty.
Your marriages and your careers take second and third place respectively to the pregnancy. First of all, you have an obligating to tell the person who is the father of your child that he is indeed just that. You two have to make a decision together on whether you will carry the pregnancy to term or not. That's the ethical thing to do, and I would very much like to believe you care about the ethical choice.
You have a responsibility to tell your husband what's happened. He has the right to know. Obviously, you put him at risk for an STD. You'll get tested, but he still has a right to know. You can't function as a married couple if you keep an abortion from him, and you have no right to deceive him into raising a child who is the product of an adulterous affair.
If you have this child, you have a responsibility to make sure RIGHT NOW that this child will know his father. I cannot convey to you what it does to a child to not know his/her father, and this man has a responsibility to any child he creates. If his decision costs him his marriage, that's the cost of his actions. This is no longer about him or you. This is now about your pregnancy, and about your integrity.
If you want anyone to respect troops, remember what's going on right now. I was treated with incredible cruelty in my marriage, and I didn't see many soldiers treat their spouses with any respect or fidelity.
2007-09-27 13:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
What in the world were you thinking? Can't you get birth control in the army? Why in the world did you tell your roommate?
Here is what I think...by telling your fling the truth (that it is his child) you could break his marriage hurting both him and his wife. So I think I would not tell him the truth.
Already this poor child is going to make your own marriage very difficult as well as your career. So I would be tempted to limit the damage by not wrecking your boyfriend's life and career too.
Don't tell your roommate anything personal again if you can help it.
2007-09-27 13:47:33 · answer #4 · answered by krinkn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Fast forward 10 years........your child is gravely ill and needs medical treatment...Blood tests reveal the truth, that your husband is not the father....The problem with telling a lie, is that you need to tell another one to cover the first one; then you end up telling two more to back up the second lie; until your whole life becomes a tangled web of lies......Only you can decide if you can live the lie...or if you are prepared to take the consequences in the long term??
2007-09-27 13:31:21 · answer #5 · answered by cautious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is this the way all female personnel and male personnel act when they are TAD or deployed? Do they automatically feel the need to lay down with another person when they are away from their spouse be they man or woman?? What a way to give people in your position a bad name. How did you allow yourself to get into this situation? Your career obviously means nothing to you if you and the other married person if you were having unprotected sex. Your marriage...what does it mean to you? Why are you married? Why is he married? You don't deserve to be married and you don't deserve your career if that's the way you're going to spread yourself around. Typical.
Should you keep that secret? Would you want to know who your real father is? Is that something that you want to live with for the rest of your life? Is that something that you want on your conscience? I don't understand how the guy could be mad at you, he should be mad at himself. What a jerk! He could do this to his wife and you to your husband. Typical.
2007-09-27 14:00:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The truth hurts but lies are worse. You did a terrible thing and you need to be honest about what you did. You may keep it a secret but the truth is never far behind. Don't let the truth run you down.
2007-09-27 14:22:42 · answer #7 · answered by Thunder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How Jerry Springer of you... That would be my husband's response if I came to him with this... Quick answer: If you believe in abortion, have one. It will ruin both of your marriages. It will ruin your life. It will show everyone you ever come in contact with that you make poor decisions. If it were me, I'd drop the fling. If your husband doesn't know what's going on, think LONG and HARD before telling him. If this were a boyfriend, it'd be easier but you are married and telling him about this will damage your marriage PERMANENTLY!!!! Lose the fling. Get your abortion. And for God's sake keep your mouth SHUT!
2007-09-27 13:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Isn't it sad that your choice to be unfaithful will hurt the most innocent person of all,your unborn child,if you have an abortion,the baby will pay with his/her life and if you don't the baby may grow up with no father.The only thing to do is to face the consequences of your choice and tell the truth to everyone involved.And don't make your baby pay for something he/she didn't have a choice in.
2007-09-27 14:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by Georgewasmyfavorite 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. Think of both choices to tell, not to tell and in the end, which one will you be able to live with. But whatever you choose most likely the truth comes out.
2007-09-27 13:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋