It seems to be that couples are fine together until they get married, then it all seems to go downhill.
Anybody else feel the same way, or have your own experiences (both positive and negative) you could share?
Cheers.
2007-09-27 11:29:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You say you see marriages fail a lot. Do you ever take the time to find out WHY they failed? Have you honestly looked for any marriages that succeed? It's rediculous to reject the institution of marriage simply because you are exposed to many that fail. In baseball even the greatest batters to have ever played the game still fail 6 to 7 times out of 10. But do they quit?
Marriages aren't "they lived happily ever after." The common marriage today is filled with temptation, and naysayers who bash the institution, and then never propose a remedy. Too many people enter into a marriage for reasons other than the desire to spend their lives with a good and decent spouse. More are so superficial in their approach to marriage that they bail at the littlest problems.
My own experience is this. My wife and I got married real young. She was 17, me, 18. By most anyones standard we did everything wrong. She was 3 months pregnant walking down the isle. 2 weeks later my father died.2 months later I was returning home having busted my foot in Army boot camp, and out of a job. 6 months later that baby she carried died of a birth defect after only living 6 hours. Reason enough to bail? I didn't have steady work for another year, and we lived with my mom. Time to bail yet? Just before our one year anniversary, she went home to her parents. Time to call it a day? Before all this went wrong, we spent 2 years together dating, and did one thing right. We TALKED to each other. We found out how each other felt about life, and love an having babies, and how we wanted to spend our lives. We literally spent hours learning each others fears and desires, and needs.We learned how to make each other happy, and how to love each other. And we learned how to support each other when things were down. She came home after a couple of months, and I got a great carreer shortly after. Now we've been married 30 years, had 4 more kids, and have 3 grandkids too. We've been through another miscarriage, but all that did was bring us closer together. We've learned to let the challenges of life bring us closer together, instead of tearing us apart. Today, it's hard to see how we could be happier.
Never let naysayers or the negatives of life dissuade you from finding happiness. If those around you fail at their relationships learn their lessons of failure well so you don't make the same mistakes.
Someone once said you only truly fail if you don't learn from your shortfalls, and fail to go on.
Peace my brother.
2007-09-27 16:11:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plenty of couples "go downhill" without ever being married. And plenty of couples stay together while married. I choose not to base my life entirely on the fear of something "going wrong", be it in marriage or in any other area. It's like saying that everything is fine until people find a job - then a lot of them get fired. I had been laid off before, and I had been divorced before; neither has stopped me from going back to work again or getting married again. The benefit of getting a paycheck every week and being able to afford things outweighs my fear of being laid off by a large degree. The benefit of sharing my life with my spouse is worth the risk I'm taking by being in a relationship. And thinking that by not signing the marriage license I can somehow protect myself from the pain of losing someone I love would just be naive.
2007-09-27 18:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are dating you always put your best foot forward and in a way you are playing a game about who you really are. This pertains to both males and females.
After the marriage one becomes the real person and it may not be the sames as the one that has been shown in the past. You wake up it the morning and look at your partner and think "what have I done"? So one has to get acquainted all over again and that may uncover flaws you cannot stand and everything goes from bad to worse.
So the moral of the story is to be you at all times instead of playing disastrous games.
2007-09-27 18:43:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be like saying how many people wont drive cars anymore after seeing all the vehicular deaths everyday. If one lives their life according to the world around them,they would definitely be missing on alot and scared to try anything. Marriage is the same thing. There is no guarantee that just because your best friends marriage ended in divorce that yours wll end the same way or is it a reason to live your life a certain way
2007-09-27 19:21:56 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you look for bad...you will find bad. If you look for good...you will find good. By that I mean the statistic shows that 50% of marriages fail, but the good news is that 50% make it. I have been married over 20 years and we have had many disagreements, financial ups/downs and challenges with our kids. However, it's all part of being married and people who want to stay married work through the issues. People change through the years, including you. Would you like to know the secret to staying married...here it is. Marry the right person and be the right person to marry for your spouse :o)
2007-09-27 19:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are fine until they get married because most stop trying and start taking each other for granted. Taking the other person for granted can be one of the worst things to happen in a relationship. You should continue to love and cherish that other person in your life, as if you had just started dating each other. If the two married people do that, they will have a great marraige.
2007-09-27 18:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
More people than you think get married for the wrong reasons and that's why their marriages fail. However, i think if a couple has a bond, spiritual and physical, they should get married. I'm not turned off by marriage. I think it's great if it's done in the right spirit for the right reasons.
2007-09-27 18:32:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't live your life on what others are doing.
Life is short, take the risks, take on new and hard challenges. Don't wake up 75, alone with the "I wish I would have...." attitude.
Marriage is the biggest gamble of them all, but if you can make it pay off - you are the richest person alive (cheesy, but true)
Cheers, to you!
2007-09-27 18:33:35 · answer #8 · answered by jt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had three failed marriages. Almost got married a fourth time. I don't think that marriage is a good idea for me. Others may have their own opinion, but that is mine.
2007-09-28 05:37:16 · answer #9 · answered by duaneb_59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my man for 15 years and really have no interest in getting married.I am divorced and he is still married to his wife (not with her btw ) He often talks about getting married but I can't see it happening.
2007-09-27 19:15:14 · answer #10 · answered by gloria b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋