best advise please!?

Question

well daniel and i have been together for almost 3 years-we have gone through alot-had are problems,and good times,we also have a child -whos 1,the thing is-his mother hates me! She doesnt even really know me,honestly I am different compared to his family-their quiet,kind of depressing-considering his mom is bipolar-when we go to his familys house for the holidays-nobody talks-everyone just keeps to themselves or they just sit and gossip,but when i take him to my familys-everyone is having a good time,laughing and enjoying each others company.His family says that were loud. His mother and sister inlaw-**** the whole family dislikes me-i dont understand why-i am very caring,compassionate person-i honestly dont know what to do anymore-the holidays are coming up and i wish to enjoy them-how do i deal with a family that hates me and looks down at me all the time? im even considering leaving him-due to all this stress,i do love him but i think this is taking a toll on our relationship-

i also have to mention,hes very close to his mom,and when i do try to talk to his mom or family-make conversation-it seems he gets irritated,did i forget to mention that his ex and his daughter lives with his parents-and that his mother considers her a daughter? the more i talk about it-it seems more and more dysfunctional,i really want to make this work-im not a bad person-i own a small boutique,im outgoing,i volunteer at the childrens hospital,i work and go to school part time--sooo what am i doing wrong????

i also have to mention,hes very close to his mom,and when i do try to talk to his mom or family-make conversation-it seems he gets irritated,did i forget to mention that his ex and his daughter lives with his parents-and that his mother considers her a daughter? the more i talk about it-it seems more and more dysfunctional,i really want to make this work-im not a bad person-i own a small boutique,im outgoing,i volunteer at the childrens hospital,i work and go to school part time--sooo what am i doing wrong????

Answer 1

Have a sister-in-law with the same condition, and can understand where he's coming from. If his mum is bi-polar, and has been for a lot of his life, then it has probably taught him that staying quiet and out of her way is the best way of avoiding trouble. And worries that any sort of stress, could set her off on another episode, for which he will get the blame, or feel guilty for. This often happens to children who grow up with an ill parent. And some parents use this to control their child's behavior.
Also she is irritated very easily, especially by loud noises, and you being who you are, open and laughing, he might feel that you don't understand how he has to deal with his mum. That's not your fault, its just different life experiences.
She probably doesn't like the fact he's living with you and not her (out of her control), and that translates as a bad feeling towards you. Truly there isn't that much you can do about her attitude, but you should talk to him and tell him how his actions affect you. But remember this may be something that he's been dealing with his whole life, and it will take time and paticence to change this, and that is if he's willing too.