I never thought I'd ask this, but is this good enough?

Question

I have mixed feelings about this 1. I'm not sure if I should try adding more to it before I call it complete. Or if it's fine the way it is, even though the ending seems off like your waiting for something more... Please, tell me what your thoughts are.


I look for your ways, I see nothing. You speak with such confidence; I feel there is something. I seek it out; I try to turn myself into your view. And with a look through your eyes, I still see nothing.

You do not understand how that is possible, so you turn yourself into my view. Yet you pull away so fast, my eyes turn crimson. And with your look of wrong, you turn me into my own puppet.

You pull the strings and with the brake of times I fall. Your caring touch leaves, so your beast may present itself. And from my crimson eyes I bleed crystals.

You gave me no time to stop the bleeding. So with crystals in my eyes I string myself for you. I do as your pulls commands. And so my rest will only come when your heart returns.

Answer 1

Twilight,

I found this interesting. It feels satisfying. The ending isn't a cop-out. I only had two minor nits for you that seemed off to me:

brake of times (I kept wanting to read this as time not times).

pulls commands (I wanted commands to be command).

Outside of those minor tweaks (which could just be my reading) it felt pretty complete to me.

Best,

Todd

Answer 2

Plenty enough, you have done fine. It doesn't seem to me to be lacking an ending. The only thing we await is the return of the heart so you can rest. I actually like what you have put together. ViVa Twilight.

Answer 3

Crystals, LOL What a joke...you've got to be kidding. I looked at your bio and that says it all. What a bunch of left wing, wiccan bull.