Are men ever really ready for babies?

Question

I've been with my bf for a couple of years now and I've been thinking about having a baby for more than a year. He said he wanted to wait to have a house and I respected that. We've bought one ten months ago and everytime we talk about it, he founds a new excuse to delay. He says he's not ready. Yet, it's the best time to fit in my career (as in, if its not now, we'll have to wait years til its the right time). I know the "politicaly correct" answer is to wait til he's ready but I'm getting tired of waiting and I have the feeling he'll never be ready. I want to specify that he does LOVE kids. He points the cute ones when we go out, and loves to play with ou nephews. He says he wants 6 kids... we're 25 and though we're not rich, money's not an issue. What can I do / say to help him make up his mind???

Answer 1

You are not married yet?..whose idea is that..his?..it seems like the caboose is driving the engine on your train.every thing about this bothers me.you seem to be respecting allot, but cringing every time something happens, like not in the right order. How can you tell what is politically correct when you have no idea what is correct in a partnership.Go back to the drawing board, scrape up some gumption from ..somewhere. and get the dude to step up to the plate and make a commitment. you are just letting him roll all over you.Well if you want this type of "well i guess so" life.go on and go that route.It can only end in hearts getting hurt. Sounds like you are more afraid of losing him than to face a miserable future just taking his B*llsh*t. And you right.Money isn't a issue and nobody ever said it was.maybe you should attend more marriages and really listen to what is said".......in sickness or in health, poor or in wealth till death do you part."
Talk to his mom(without his permission or knowledge,of course) and see what she says.You will probably be surprised that its pretty close to good ol' Bob's opinion.The 6 kids stuff is smoke screen to get you to hang around.Oh, he probably was sincere, but it was a tactic to make him more "endurable" toward you.Men can be deceiving.I know.I'm one of them.

Answer 2

OK, the real question is why is he not ready. Maybe he doesn't want to be married or otherwise permanently committed. Put it to him in these terms: How would you feel about being a father now? I mean if you became pregnant ( birth control can fail, though it's rare) what would he do? I became a father at age 20 and yes, it's a little scary to have that responsibility. But I learned fast and loved my son, even though he wasn't my biological child. I have three other children still living. My son passed two years ago at age 34, and he never knew I wasn't his natural parent. Actually, my first wife never knew that I knew her secret. Now I have six grandchildren and on Monday, I'll be babysitting my 4-month-old grandson. If you wait until you're really ready, you'll never get there. No one ever is completely ready to be a parent. If you think you are, you're not. If you're not sure but have the courage to try anyway, you're ready to get pregnant. Then you have about nine months to learn all the stuff you need to know and your parents will hopefully be helpful, but not intrusive. Good luck! Millions of people have done this, but it does change your life forever. and that's for the better!

Answer 3

If he is not ready he is not ready. And if you get pregnant and he is not ready he will just resent the kid I mean he will love it and not do anything bad. But he will feel like it took part of his life away. And whats the rush to have a baby anyways? There are so many people in this world and your making a conscious decision to have one more...why? Why not adopt when the time is right for both of you or try fostering a kid for a while and see how he feels sometimes if you foster a child it is a lot cheaper to adopt that why. But if you do feel your really ready and he is not the best thing for you two to do is talk about it together. And there is a possibility that maybe although he loves kids they are just not for him. That's they way my husband is.

Answer 4

Please DON"T get pregnant on 'accident'. Many men are afraid of the changes that children make in their lives. Are there any babies within your family or your friends have that you could babysit? If not put an ad in the paper to babysit on the weekends. This will give both of you a good opportunity to check out the reality of having a child in the home.
Discuss your plans for discipline and religious upbringing as well as who will do what for the child, Dr appts, child care.
And what about weekends? Do you both enjoy just taking off and going places? Are there available babysitters or family willing to do this? If not who will stay home with the child?
He may be afraid because these discussions have not been made. OR he may just not want to share you with anyone!

Answer 5

I can understand the concern. Babies change the dynamic of the relationship. I bumped into a friend at the supermarket today, god!! the stuff in that trolley of hers~ real scary. It was so packed I couldn't work out how she's navigating.

You can't really force it to happen. If he's not ready, he's not ready and it's no point forcing him to do so. It'll not be right, you would want things to work smoothly, right? Certainly voice your opinion though.. see what he says and get him to specify why he doesn't think he's ready yet.

Answer 6

No and no. Neither was I but you get over it and the excitement usually kicks in for guys either when the baby is born or when the child can talk and play. Until then, a baby is just a concept and a responsibility. Are you married yet? He may just be worried about any form of long-term commitment. Which is understandable. But don't corner him in, he may resent that.
If you are on birth control, it is your choice to discontinue taking it, but it will also be heavy burden if this relationship does not last. Without birth control, it makes the choice solely his as long as he is aware that you are not protected. He already knows that you want kids but putting pressure on him will only back him away more.

Answer 7

Talk to him upfront about it. Maybe he's nervous about becoming a father, or becoming older. Some men are never ready, until the time the baby is born. Tell him that you are ready to take this next step, and you are hoping he is too. Tell him that you understand he may be nervous about the prospect of being a father, or getting older, but that he'd make a great parent and you can't wait to have a baby with him.

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Answer 8

There is NEVER a right time to have a baby. There is ALWAYS something going on that will make it difficult to handle. If you are waiting for the perfect time then you will wait for an eternity. As long as you have enough money to feed, clothe, and house yourselves and the baby you should do it now. The older a woman gets the more likely it is that she will have complications during her pregnancy. That should be reason enough to start as soon as you have your finances in order.

Answer 9

Im ready emotionally, but not ready economically. We need a bigger house thats not close to a main street, and my partners income needs to go up so i can be a stay at home dad. Once those 2 things are taken care of <1-2 years> then 2 kids will be had.

Answer 10

I know how you feel. I am 22 and my clock is already ticking. I have had 2 miscarridges already and now the doc says we gotta wait a year to try again!
But as far as your question, I don't think they really are ever ready. But I think that if he loves you and he wants a family with you then he will compromise, I would stress it to him that you are ready now and tell him the reasons. Maybe he will see it your way. Best of luck to you and yours