Would you allow your Teen to attend a Homecoming party where there will be alcohol?

Question

Would you allow a very trustworthy girl who is a junior to attend an after-homecoming party (starting around 11:30 pm) where they will probably be drinking? The party will be at an estate-size home on 3 acres. The student is a junior in high school and would be driving (with three girlfriends as passengers), but has promised not to drink and has been 100% trustworthy in the past. She has given all specifics (location etc.), offered to text throughout the night, and has promised to adhere to our curfew and all rules. Prior to this she has been only to non-drinking, parent-supervised parties. I've heard the parents will be home, but doubt this is true, as they are prominent in our community. Just wondering how many parents would allow this. I would like to be able to "let go" a bit seeing she'll be off to college in less than two years, but wonder if this is the way. Please help!

WE HAVE GIVEN HER AN OUT THAT SHE CAN CALL US AT ANY TIME AND WE WILL PICK HER UP. That being said, she knows she is absolutely not to drink. The above is there in the event she feels unable to drive (even tired) and would be too afraid of being punished and would drive tired or under the influence rather than simply call us.

Answer 1

A junior she is what 16... 17? I say you give her the chance because sorry to say but when she turns 18 legally she can do what she wants and you are going to want to prepare her for that. If she has never been to a drinking party before i say its time to let her experience this and see how she handles it. Just make sure she follows your rules and comes home when you say if not take whetever action you want afterall she disobeyed! O and BTW her driving with 3 other girlfriends is actually not a good thing. Kids especially Girls like to talk and do things when they drive very UNSAFE i would say just one girlfriend in the car is plenty!

Answer 2

Except for the driving, I think it's fine.

Yeah I know terrible things happen and teens are always stupid and alcoholic blah blah. But you know your daughter better than any of us.

I'm speaking as a teen who went to such parties and never drank - neither did my group of friends. Yeah we were unusual. But there are teens who are sensible and responsible - which people don't seem to believe. There are many reasons why people don't drink or choose not to drink on a certain night - it depends on the willpower of the person, the type of party, the number/different groups of people there or the pressure they put on her. But it's perfectly possible for teen parties with alcohol to not turn into drunken orgies where everyone dies in a car crash.

To be honest, it would be safer if you got her some other transport - just in case she accidentally drinks or has a drink spiked or somebody steals her vehicle - or at least if something goes wrong make sure you've said you'll go and get her no matter what, and she won't be in trouble for calling you rather than drink driving.

Then again, I forgot about the legal issues if you're in the US - where I live the drinking age is 18. Also I wonder about the "prominent community" parents - do they know this will happen?

Answer 3

If your son is 17 and has never attended a party before, and you fear he will be led down a horrible path, then you need to loosen that leash before he either breaks free, or becomes a home-bound mama's boy! Really. A 17 year old is nearly a legal adult, and should have been free to make his own decisions long before now. He needs the practice for the "real world." And I don't mean the world outside of home schooling. I have been home schooling for 16 years, and currently have a 15 year old and a 17 year old. If your son feels the atmosphere is not right for him, he will come home. Trust him. Cut the apron strings. I hope this is not a real question...I can't imagine a parent wanting to go to a party with her son to "make sure everything is ok"! You do want him to have a normal social life eventually, right? Since this is a neighbor, find out if the parents will be home. That is all you need to do. What is the world is "subversive music" anyway? Not the alcohol, but making out and music are totally normal activities for 17 year olds!

Answer 4

No, I would not allow her to. But I can tell you this - my son went anyway to many parties like that and I was not aware of it at the time. .
Several communities have a 0 tolerance policy - and if the party gets raided - even though you are not drinking - you may get arrested and have to "blow". If you were not drinking, you will be released.

My son was arrested at 18 for a dui. He didn't think it could happen to him. He's dealing with this completely on his own. We told him what could happen, and if he chose this route and got caught, he'd be responsible for the consequences. I believe this will follow him for the rest of his life - and his insurance rates will be unaffordable. Don't go there. Even in college. Wait until you're 21 and then drink responsibly. All the best. Enjoy your teen years - you're an adult soon enough.

Answer 5

I believe You Must Give Freedom To Children. If You Daughter Says She Is Not Going To Drink, And you Have No Reason Not To Trust Her Then Why Not Let Her Go ?? I Am Not A Parent I Am A Daughter. My Mom Lets Me Go To Parties If She Knows Details And I Keep In Touch. Isn't It Better That She Is Telling You Everything And Asking Permission Than Going Behind You Back. Saying No Might Make Her Go Without Permission Next Time.

Answer 6

If I was a mom, I don't think I would allow a teen to go to an unsupervised party with alcohol. Even the most trustworthy teenager can screw up. She needs to be independent, but drinking alcohol as a teenager is illegal. Even being in the presence of teens drinking will get her carted off with the rest of them if the cops show up. This would reflect poorly on you as well.

Let her wait until college. Drinking parties aren't really any fun for sober people anyway. Maybe there is something else going on that night that she and some of her friends can do.

Answer 7

Not to sound prude or old fashioned, but the obvious answer is no. Although your teenager is/was trustworthy in the past, you don't see what is in the future. Teenagers are all prone to peer pressure. Especially when they are surrounded by the object to which they are being pressured to do. I personally would not allow my teen to attend such party. I can speak from experience that your teen will try something, and then all hell will break loose. If the parents are going to be there, set a date to meet them and tell them your concerns as a fellow parent. But I seriously doubt that any parents will be there, this is called the "Parents are embarrassing" syndrome. Until my teen goes out into the real world, it is my responsibility to see that she is protected as much as possible, and throwing gas into the fire really won't help much.

Answer 8

Tell her that if she goes to the party she has to contact you every so often. I wouldn't ban her from drinking, but tell her that if she does she either has to stay at the house or call you for a ride. And then don't punish her for drinking if she does the right thing by not getting in a car with someone who is under the influence. Be it her or a friend.

You're not letting go persay, your letting her make decisions and holding her accountable. Just make sure she knows that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS SHE TO GET IN A CAR WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN DRINKING!!!

Answer 9

I would say yes. My parents let me go to my first party when I was a junior, too. Except I came home at 11:00! Now they know wherever I go, when I go to any parties I never drive so they dont care if I drink. I would often text her through the night. I would tell her it is OK to drink, that you wont be mad if she drinks, but she has to make the decision of
1. drink, and you must stay there
or
2. dont drink, and you can be the designated driver later if you want to come home.
but let her know she doesnt have to hide the fact that they're gonna be drinking. tell her "we're ok with you drinking as long as you understand not to EFF it up, ya know what i mean jelly bean?" lol.

Answer 10

If your town is anything like mine, then homecoming is a very big deal! and my guess is, whether you "let" her or not, if she has been honest and trustworthy in the past and she feels like this is something she wants to do but you say no, she will probably do it anyways. At least this way you will be on good terms, she will be in contact with you, and you will somewhat know what is going on. and she will be able to trust you and feel comfortable to call on you if she needs to. If you don't let her make some of her own decisions and mistakes, she could start to rebel. like you said, she is almost ready to go off to college...