My boyfriend and I have been together about 7 years now and have lived together about 4. Recently I have found some really distasteful videos on our new computer. Not only am I appalled, because I am there all of the time he could just come to me…but I am also worried all this nasty stuff he is looking at could potentially ruin our new computer a.i. viruses, etc. So last night I installed I-shield Lite which blocks any pornographic images and videos and he is pissed! He changed my hotmail account password where I can’t even check my messages( which by the way I am waiting on an important one from one of my professors) and now I happen to find where he is trying to block me out of my Myspace account. I think he is acting childish and it seems like he would die without getting to look at these videos/images each and every day. Should I just un-install the I-Shield and keep the peace or do you think he has a problem. It ticks me off when I find this nasty stuff on our computer. It is degrading, trashy, and classless. I have asked him repeatedly to not download that trash before, but he doesn’t seem to listen or care. Now he is livid with me and says I am treating him like a child. Can I have everyone’s thoughts/suggestions?
2007-09-27 08:24:41 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not like he was looking at Playboy....I am talking nasty home videos of different women and men....
2007-09-27 08:29:56 · update #1
Maybe I should also say that he currently does not have a job and I would hate to think he is just at home whacking it and playing video games.
2007-09-27 08:38:49 · update #2
Men think about sex 24 hours a day. If you aren't satisfying him sexually he's going to find another outlet. You can't fight nature.
What you've done is wrong. Acting like his Mommy isn't going to work and don't be mad at him because he did the same to you as you did to him.
2007-09-27 09:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by Love #me#, Hate #me# 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ok well, a few months ago I had the same kind of problem. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and I hadn't even thought about him looking at porn until I noticed 2 and a half years later that almost every night my internet history would be deleted. Like in your situation, I found my boyfriend looking at VERY distasteful videos such as live webcams, child porn, incest, anime porn. It was extremely heartbreaking. I never would have thought he would even think about looking at that kind of stuff; especially since we live together. I put this program on my computer called SpectorSoft, which records every single thing he does on the computer. I put it on my computer one day and the next day I went on to see what he had done on the computer and he had been looking at all these NASTY types of porn.
I know it really bothers you and it definitely stills bothers me even though I know he's not doing it anymore. I would un-install the software and buy SpectorSoft just to see what kind of stuff he's actually viewing. If you really dislike what he's doing I would tell him "it's either me or the porn". that's pretty much what I did with my boyfriend and we're still together 4 months later without him looking at porn (i know because I monitor the computer every single day).
2007-09-27 11:33:28 · answer #2 · answered by Courtney 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are really concerned about the virus situation (which you should be), then install a good A/V and security software. Personally, I have had good luck with the Symantec product (Norton). If you do this you will need to subscribe to the updates. I don't know the pricing, I would go for the 3 year package.
If you are actually concerned about the images, then tech advise is not going to help.
2007-09-28 13:39:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever notice that every single time this issue is brought up its the WOMEN that are supposed to do all the compromising?
Let him have his porn.
Just take his wallet because afterall, women are wired to want security...and money implies security.
And I agree with "carmens" answer....maybe a little here and there, but for a man to always need porn, that is NOT NORMAL. Why would any man put his wife's feelings, no matter how trivial it may seem, before some flickering images on a computer screen? Makes no sense to me.
2007-09-27 08:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is horrible what he is doing! DO NOT uninstall that thing...he is acting like a child that wants candy. Why can't he just look at you? It sounds like he has a big problem and you guys need some help. If he can't change then maybe you should leave. No good man will sit up looking at nasty stuff all the time. It is very immature and disrespectful to you. Since you guys have been together for a long time, you should try counseling or something. You don't want to just give up but you have to respect yourself to.
2007-09-27 08:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by Knome Lover 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Not sure what you are looking for...you asked him to stop, he didn't, so then you went and put software on the computer so he couldn't. Instead of talking about things....and so he retaliated by 'getting back at you.' I think you both are acting a bit childish. But I've been known to do it too (act childish)....I guess you have to decide how much he really cares about your feelings if he continues to look at the stuff knowing how it makes you feel.
2007-09-27 08:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 3yrs and I am 22yrs old....90% of all men look at porn on the internet, movies, and/or magazines. It really doesn't matter who you hook up with if it's a man then honestly he is going to have some kind of freaky desire even if he doesn't like porn. You two have to stop acting like little kids about it though and be adults or YOU WILL RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!!!! You guys need to sit down and discuss what you guys expect from each other sexually and see what he is in to. Ask him what he likes in the bedroom and tell him what turns you off and on. Porn is disgusting, but it's something men like. As far as your computer is concerned install good spyware protection and virus protection. You can also get good computer advice from http://www.geeksquad.com/ GOOD LUCK AND USE PATIENCE
2007-09-27 08:38:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I will copy a portion of what I just posted to another porn question then add something else:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with men looking at porn. Pornography is actually a very healthy thing and when used with common sense, can enhance your love life. Men are hard wired to enjoy looking at the naked female form. They are biologically designed to be turned on by it, just as we are designed to be turned on by looking at the male body. Erotica has existed ever since men started scribbling on cave walls thousands of years ago. It has evolved over the years to include paintings, sculptures, and today – photos and videos. It is perfectly natural to enjoy watching these things. It doesn’t mean your husband doesn't love you or that he isn’t satisfied by you.
I do not blame your husband one bit for being pissed. What you did was completely out of line, and yes you are treating him like a child. The best way to resolve this situation to apologize to him for overreacting. Then find some porn that the two of you can actually watch together. You may not be turned on by whatever it is he downloaded, but there is actually some very tasteful erotica out there that you can get into. Watching it together with him will do several things –
1) it lets him know that you are grown up, not a child who thinks sex is bad;
2) watching naked bodies being sexual together will naturally make you horny for each other and before long hubby will turn the video off and carry you off to the bed;
3) it will give you ideas of new things to try to please each other sexually.
You do not need to be threatened by the women in the videos. They are fake, you are real. Your husband is with you, not out chasing some other woman.
2007-09-27 08:34:25 · answer #8 · answered by meagain 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
first off, you're the one who initiated the childish behavior. you installed shield, which is like saying, HA! Now you can't look at your stuff anymore. so naturally he retaliated against you in the same manner you did to him. ACT LIKE ADULTS!!!! Jesus, who cares if he looks at porn?? and besides, don't you already have virus protection like Norton or Mcaffee?? sounds like you're just jealous. I wonder if you ever look at porn with him? or do you secretly look at it when no one is around? Find some common ground. find something you both can watch together. And for the record, Playboy hasn't really been considered porn since the 70's. embrace your inner sexual being and find out what happens.
2007-09-27 16:19:09 · answer #9 · answered by burnttoast97 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Should have talked about it up front without secretly installing a blocking software, but I'm not understanding why he'd react so violently with such immature behavior...
MOST ISSUES in a relationship boil down to a lack of communication.
2007-09-27 08:55:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your significant other loves you then this wont bother him. Sounds like he is siding with the porn. What he should be doing is concentrating on your relationship and making sure that is the best it can be. If he did that he would not need porn. See a counselor he needs help. I like porn here and there just like the next guy but it would never come between the one I love. It's sad he has a problem if you love him you have a lot of things to work on.
2007-09-27 08:34:14 · answer #11 · answered by CSC78 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋