Should I marry a woman that seems spoiled, and who annoys me?

Question

I so love her, and I find her precious. The problem is that she is a prima donna, and was clearly spoiled as a child. We are roommates, and she loves to shop, loves girly stuff, loves to spend way over her head, and has no problem asking for favors all the time. It always just seems to be about "her". The times between when she doesn't act like that are wonderful, but they are far less frequent. We have a passionate love for each other, and we talk about marriage and kids daily. I worry that I won't be able to put up with this behavior forever, and I'm not sure she is ABLE to change after 26 years. I have this hope that maybe opposites really do attract, and hold passion because of the differences, but I doubt that cliche big time. I've never seen an adult like this, and I'm still amazed that it's real. I'm a self-made man, and don't ask for anything from anyone, but she will run people ragged, especially me, to get what she wants. I really want to marry her. Please help!

Answer 1

Are you nuts? Hell no! A spoiled brat will drive you crazy, broke and homicidal! Cancel that check and buy another one.

Answer 2

You know, these aren't little things that are going to go away. These are serious issues if you take the "cuteness" out of them. It will be a 20/80 relationship. No one can have a loving relationship when there is animosity building. If you are questioning them now while you are still in the "fantasy stage" of the relationship you, my friend, are in for a real awakening when all the lovey, gooey stuff wears down. You will end up looking at her as a self absorbed, spoiled little brat that uses people any way she can to get what she wants. NOT someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with!!!! It is very unattractive, especially as she ages. Think of the temper tantrums and fits if you don't measure up or are too tired to do what she wants you to do for her. Think of the whining, pouting and guilt trips she will show you because you didn't say she looked beautiful today.......I am afraid you are in for a world of hurt and wasted life. Maybe you can talk with her, but if she is still like this at 26......she is set in her ways and more than likely won't change....When I see girls acting like that....I see immaturity to the max! I don't associate with people that are so self centered. It is sickening.

Answer 3

Have you spoken to her about the way she acts? If you let her get away with it for this long - I doubt it will stop. I would tell her that you love her but you can no longer put up with her being a prima donna and if it doesn't stop you will call it quits. It may scare her - but then again - leopards don't usually change their spots. She may behave for a while and go right back to being spoiled. Good luck - I think you are going to need it if you stay a good marriage takes 2 to work and she sounds like she thinks she is the only one that has needs.

Answer 4

Well, you don't have to get married tomorrow.
It sounds like you two need to spend some more time together and see if it is to last, before you make the big commitment.
What's more, you should tell her exactly how you feel, to give her a chance now to try and do something about it.
It could be that she thinks that it is what you like about her and so, won't change it, whereas if you do tell her, she won't have any excuse not to make an effort and if it does appear that there's been no improvement, then she'll know herself, that you've been straight with her. She'll know that, she didn't give the relationship her best and only have herself to blame or the fact that you are just too different.
So, do it for both your sake, and tell her exactly what you just told us.
It makes sense to us; to me as a woman; It will to her too, even if she might pretend the contrary.

Answer 5

You sound like a very sweet man and although some people will tell you that the decision to marry is all about the heart, I think you're being very smart to also consider some practical issues going on. You will, afterall, be committing your entire life to this person. The "quirks" that are just a little annoying now will drive you nuts over a lifetime.

Yes, opposites do attract sometimes but often they aren't able to maintain a real relationship. My mom told me one time "You can fall in love many times but it's rare to find someone you can have a life with!" This woman needs to grow up, start acting mature, and understand that the world doesn't revolve around her. She is probably attracted to you, in part, because you LET her get away with whatever she wants and you take care of her every need. If you don't want her to behave that way, then you can't continue to put up with that. At 26, she should be independent, taking care of her own bills, her own needs. in fact, if I were a single man who had a great deal to offer, I wouldn't even WANT a woman who couldn't take care of herself. When you marry someone, you want to know they can help carry some of the burdens life will throw your way and right now, it sounds like she couldn't hold a paperclip! Marriage should be an equal partnership where YOU can count on her as much as she counts on you. Afterall, who are YOU going to turn to when life gets you down? Is she strong enough to be an equal partner? I always worry about young woman who have no life skills because let's face it.....the divorce rate is 50% and if that marriage breaks up, how in the world is she going to take care of herself? Run back to daddy? Even if the marriage works, it's always a good idea for women to KNOW how to take care of the household bills, their finances, etc. I know that, god forbid, if my husband died tomorrow, I have the skills necessary to take over and run everything. It's especially important when it comes to children. Which is a whole other issue.

My #1 piece of advice for you? Talk about BIG, foundation type issues NOW to see if you have those things in common. Foundation issues are finances, morals, fidelity, what marriage means, disciplining children, religion and how it fits into the r'ship and raising children, career (what are your expectations and hers). When you talk about these big issues, you prevent alot of headaches later on.

Answer 6

Hey I've been married for 3yrs and I'm 22...after a certain time in everyones adult life they will never really change unless (God Forbid) something really awful happens to them. Like she goes into major debt and you guys get kicked out of your house/apartment. Point blank it sounds like you already had the answer before you even asked the question. You called her spoiled which isn't a very endearing term for a loved one. So instead of asking us here at Yahoo should you marry her...how about asking yourself not can I stand to live with her, but can I stand to live without her? If the answer is no then well yeah marry her, but if it's yes then break up with her and find someone else to be happy with.

Answer 7

umm if you really feel annoyed about her and think of her as a spoiled prima donna, then by all means don't marry her. Sounds like a recipie for financial disaster to me. You are much better off finding a woman with the qualities you want that won't run through all the money in a few years time...and then think, no money and expensive divorce lawyers...

Answer 8

Oh Man! I just finally ran away from a situation like this a few months ago, after four years I just couldn't take it anymore. I was miserable, you'll only be able to tolerate it less and less and there is NO changing a woman like that. Run Brother RUN while you still can! Now that I've gotten away I'm a million times happier than I was, don't let her corrupt your brain, not all women out there are like her, there are plenty of beautiful women out there who will actually care about YOU and not just themselves.

Answer 9

She's been indulged and pampered, she's immature and self centered when it comes to getting what she wants. Why on earth would you want to marry her and what makes you think this behavior would make a good mother?

What seems cute and adorable now will definitely grow old when you realize she's NOT changing or growing up. This is her at 26.....she will probably always be like this.

Make a decision to be with her based on reality, not some fantasy or cliche.

Answer 10

You haven't painted a very appealing picture of her. One has to wonder, "what's to love about this selfish and greedy little girl?" Of course you should marry her if you want to spend the rest of your life with her, but once you've made the committment, don't expect her to change or get angry with her for being who and what she is. Never forget that you chose her with your eyes wide open. I don't know how old you are, but you need to understand that love becomes a lot less patient, forgiving and indulgent as we grow older and especially once kids are in the picture. When you no longer love her as you do now, will you still be able to accept her and allow her to freedom to be herself?

Answer 11

If you marry this woman, you will be making a mistake. This is a selfish, controlling individual who will destroy any hope of happiness for you. She will drain you, both financially and emotionally. Understand that spoiled brats don't make good marriage partners. A woman who cares more for you than she does herself is a better match. Be wise and wait for Miss Right, instead of condemning yourself to a life of misery with Miss Wrong. Be wise.