An acquaintance of mine from highschool recently responded to a is everything okay email from me with some shocking news. Her husband of 4 years and the father of their 2 kids has been beating her, cheating on her, and lying to her and her family from the start. She doesn't want to leave him because she doesn't think they'll let her keep the kids because she never graduated hs, has no job, and he doesn't beat the kids, plus she says where would they go? She doesn't want to take her kids with her to a shelter. The girl is 2 and she just had a baby boy in August. What can I tell her? I want to give her some words of courage and advice, understanding and strength but I don't know what to say or how to say it. We're not close, I barely spoke to her in hs! Help!
2007-09-27 07:42:46 · 9 answers · asked by mrs.v 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I live five hours away. He said they couldnt be a family in the same town as her family because she kept running back to them, so he moved them to another state.
2007-09-27 08:03:40 · update #1
First she needs to filed complain to the police when the husband beat her. No police record, difficult for her to establish the violence. She needs to understand that is more harm for the kids seeing mom been beat by that and accepting it will probably means to the kids that this is accepted behavior.
It is hard to give word of courage to a friend in this situation, she can still get a job and try to get a degree no matter how old she is. It is important that she work toward the better of the kids. I need to say she needs to look for God, and see what options she have in her area. Not always need to go to a shelter, she can go to family house or a friends house and start looking for a job. There are en-less possibilities for better.
2007-09-27 08:16:37 · answer #1 · answered by jmclaudio76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may seem like she has no where to go, but she does. Tell her to get a Job (because it is possible with out having a HS diploma [me]).Something small at first, but anything is better than nothing.Tell her to ask for assistance, government or otherwise.The government can help you with everything from food (stamps) to daycare (programs, that pay up to 90% of daycare), and there's also government programs that can pay for your living quarters also known as section 8. Maybe she's not used to any of these thing's..but it's better than being with an abusive person.If all these people that really dont deserve having all these benefits are receiving them- why not someone who actually DOES need it ?!. Being a single mother is no excuse.There are sooo many women that have done it.
And as far as to what you can tell her ? Just remind her all the time that of her good qualities & that she doesnt have to be with someone abusive in order to survive.She can do all that and more ALONE - which in the long run will be better for her children. Tell her to think about her children.
2007-09-27 14:53:34 · answer #2 · answered by woop dee doo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get her and her kids packed up and while the HUSBAND is at work--just walk out and leave and go to a shelter even if she has to go to a shelter IN ANOTHER STATE.... just get the heck away from him... If he is abusive and controlling on HER, it may take no time at all for him to start on the kids----and the KIDS should not have to hear or SEE him abusing their mother either.... she find a shelter, take her GED to get her HS diploma and then look for work... maybe she could get some help from her FAMILY if she takes the kids there... but under NO TERMS should she go back to that husband....get away and get LEGAL AID to file an order of protection AND start divorce proceedings... as long as she's been a good MOTHER, no judge will take her kids from her...
2007-09-27 15:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not close but she is telling you this? She is reaching out to you.Her situation will get progressively worse. She cannot stay there. Her education has nothing to do with the kids. Neither does having a job. That might be something that he told her to scare her. She can't go to her family? Do they know what is going on? If not then she has to go to the shelter. She might now like it but if that is the only way out tell her to do it. It is only temporary and will be better for her and the kids. Tell her to think of her children and what they feel inside when the see or hear this happening. Tell her that the;y deserve better than that. It is her job to keep them safe and living in a hostile environment is not safe. Nobody has called the cops? She could always do that also and she could press charges on him. About beating the kids, he might if she were not there for him to beat on. Eventually he will.Things will get better for her if she gets out. She will feel hopeless more and more the longer she stays and so will her kids. Please try to convince her. Good luck.
2007-09-27 14:59:27 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she needs to get help right away. being a a shelter is better than your children watching you get beat in front of them. no court in the world would give those kids to a man that beats his wife. if she were to leave, she would get the kids. tell her to leave and go to a shelter. they will help her get back on her feet.
2007-09-27 14:48:28 · answer #5 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he's not hurting the kids *YET* I would suggest that she contact CPS - or even do so anonymously on her behalf. I'm sure if he is hurting her, it is only a matter of time before they get involved anyway. They have the resources to either help her and the kids themselves or to direct her to the appropriate agencies.
Since you aren't close, I'm not sure how she'll take the advice, but please don't let that stop you from helping her.
2007-09-27 14:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
where's her family/relatives. can she go to them, if not shelter is where she has to go for now to get her back on her feet then get her ged.can't in a house w/ a ;beating husband while trying to get ged. that will never work. why can't you let her stay w/you
2007-09-27 14:55:12 · answer #7 · answered by Adrienne L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must encourage her to graduate and that will get her out of the house and get her more self esteem
the more she achieves the better her esteem will get and the less likelihood she will put up with this maladjusted creepy guy
2007-09-27 14:51:34 · answer #8 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs to get out it does not matter about HS diploma
where see gets the kids she needs to protect her self
2007-09-27 14:52:24 · answer #9 · answered by mmmkay_us 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋