My fiance cheated on me twice,the 1st time was 5 yrs ago and I forgave him.Now 5 yrs later we have 2 children together & engaged.I want to keep my family together so I stay hoping we can work things out.Is it worth trying or should I just give up and move on?
2007-09-27 06:00:01 · 25 answers · asked by Brittany 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you DO NOT go through counseling..there are going to be some serious issues down the road.Because you have to learn how to prevent it so you guys can both move foward and this wont happen again. By forgiving him you have gaven him another chance (which he should be thankful for) he didnt have to tell you so look at it from that point of view.But going through couseling will prevent it from happening again.It will set a serious tone on the problem.If he is not willing to go through counseling then you should leave him.Those scars only heal when you both heal.Not just him.I cant stress how life changing counseling is.
2007-09-27 06:11:53 · answer #1 · answered by sOsO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many factors to this, are you sure this is the only times he's done it. Has he lied to you or been honest about his dirty deeds. The real question is aside from that are you happy? Can you live with his actions and the questions it might raise. Its possible to forgive I know many marriages of 10+ years that have had some rocky and crazy stories to tell about what theyd done to each other before they hit the point they are in now. Realize his actions are the ones that have destroyed or will be the cause of this marriage ending. Try and seek family counsling if your serious about trying to make this work and if he has a problem with that then obviously hes not willing to try and keep this family together as you are. Value yourself enough to know you do deserve better and are worthy of being respected and genuinely loved. Some men cheat and would NEVER leave their wives its just some disgusting thing they do. I wish you the best for your sake and peace of mind as well as for your family.
2007-09-27 06:29:26 · answer #2 · answered by Queen of the Scene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm sorry... he did this to you TWICE??? I'm sorry sweetie, but he doesn't deserve you... maybe he' keeps doing this because he' knows that regardless what he does YOU are the one that wants to keep the family together, so he feels that he can get away with anything. You deserve so much better... You shouldnt stay with him to keep the family together, because in the end you're the one that's going to be miserable for a man that has no respect for you and keeps disrespecting you and the family by cheating... you should move on and show him that you're worth more and don't need him in your life, your kids don't deserve to see this either... they are only going to get older, and the last thing you want is for them to grow up thinking it's ok to cheat on your partner as long as your family is together... You can forgive but you can't forget... one time, ok maybe he deserved a second chance, but 2 times??? He hasn't learned his lesson and never will if you don't take it to the next level and show him you're better than that... I wish you nothing but the best, stay strong... keep your head up and Good luck!
2007-09-27 08:17:00 · answer #3 · answered by N3N@ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only one who can answer that question, to give up or move on. That is YOUR decision.
As far as forgiving and forgetting I think that you can forgive but you can't forget and you shouldn't. If you forget than you never learn. Fool my once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Personally, my opinion is that once a cheater, always a cheater. Shouldn't he love you enough....no, no, no, RESPECT you enough even if it's just as the mother of his children, to remain faithful. If he feels he can be with other women and has that desire wouldn't the decent thing be to let you go first? He isn't just cheating on you, he's cheating on your family.
Good luck and I'm sure that you will make the right decision for you and for your family, because remember, only you can make that decision.
2007-09-27 06:06:11 · answer #4 · answered by MissMoxie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you can forgive, but you'll NEVER forget infidelity.
It will always be in the back of your mind. He violated a very important trust by his actions, not once, but twice.
I believe the old addage, "Once a cheat, always a cheat". I wouldn't be able to completely trust him again.
If I were you, I would have left him the first time he cheated. Then you may not have had 2 kids to raise on your own.
Good luck...but I say, find someone who doesn't need anyone but you.
2007-09-27 06:09:26 · answer #5 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on if you don't mind him cheating. Because I guarantee you he ain't done. So if you just want to keep your family together, at whatever cost, then by all means put on the blinders, look the other way, and bite your tongue. People rarely change. They are what they are. And you can't change them, you can only change yourself. And I would change myself to being the kind of woman who absolutely does not accept infidelity. Period. You are going to end up with a disease, or being confronted which can be dangerous, or a number of other things. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.
2007-09-27 06:15:49 · answer #6 · answered by TwyztedChyck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on your personality. Personally, I admire women that can forget it and never mention it again...though not necessarily forgiving their partners. Some women seem to be able to accept and move on with their life. Though i have to say the women I know, they have been cheated on only once. I wouldn't forgive him this time, and i would keep picking at it like a scab...but thats me...and if you know you'd be like that, why put your kids through it, it will only hurt them seeing and hearing it. I'd be inclined to bin him.
2007-09-27 06:07:44 · answer #7 · answered by EM J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give up and move on because he'll cheat again and I'm sure he'll wanna leave the baggage back at the house so it'd be better for the kids if you just move on no kid needs a dad like that.
2007-09-27 06:03:50 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i say once a cheater always a cheater some men do it i do not know why but they do i have never forgot when my ex boyfriend did it and that was the end of us cause could never trust him again and i have moved on you will met some decent guy out there, there is plenty of them. do what you feel is right but dont just stay together for the children sake you have got to think of yourself .good luk
2007-09-27 06:06:31 · answer #9 · answered by LEAH G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal opinion is that ONCE can be forgiven and worked through, because ONCE can be a stupid mistake.
TWICE isn't.
If you really want to stay together, then you need to make it crystal clear to him that this is the LAST time that it happens, and that if happens again, you are taking the kids and not looking back.
2007-09-27 06:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋