How and When can I start talking to my daughter about sx?

Question

My daughter is 12, and I dont know at what age is appropriate to talk about sx, and how? I am kind of embarrased to touch that subject. is there a book, or anything that I can learn or get ideas from?

Answer 1

You should have started much sooner than now. Your place of worship may have resources if you want to approach this from a Christian/Jewish point of view.

If you are of no particular spritual persuasion then just let her watch MTV.

Answer 2

Dear , I'm 14 & I can sure tell you she's proboly 3 quaters educated on the subject. I remember in year 4 is was the most secret subject that all the kids would blab on about , I'd just sit her down and talk casually about it because I can tell you right now she'd proboly be feeling the same as you , very embarrassed and wanting to turn away from talking about it , especially because shes a girl and the changes she's going through are 10 times more then a boy.

She will be a bit reluctant but give her some time and show maturity and some seriousness about it to her and I think she'll get the idea its Talk Time. Thats how my Mum got her head around me .

Good luck xo

Answer 3

It would have been easier if you had started talking about body parts and simple terms from the time she was a toddler - we have had progressive conversations about where babies come from with our kids since they were small. As they grew older, we just gave them more age appropriate info.
She needs to know all about periods and how her body works. Then you can get into what sex is and how it is God Designed and best when shared between 2 married adults (if pregnancy occurs, the baby has a mom and dad who love each other to raise the child together). You can also explain kids make mistakes and teenagers do end up pregnant and if she knows a friend or herself that this happens to, she can come to you. You can add what you expect from her as she grows older. You don't have to go into graphic detail - just basic anatomy and eggs, sperm. What happens. If you approach it from a science standpoint, it's not bad - it's just biology!
I have 3 daughters and it's never been difficult to discuss. She will be just as uncomfortable as you - you need to be the adult and EDUCATE her. How scared would you be if no one ever told you about any of this? Do the right thing - have the talk today. I'm sure she has some idea because her friends were probably taught about babies at 4-5 yrs old.

Answer 4

What is the big secret? It is something everyone does at some time. You should have started long ago so that it is a natural part of growing up. Now it puts you in the predicament you are in since it seems a secret thing that shouldn't be discussed. Not only you should have a book but there are good ones for children as well. Do it now! I expect she already knows much of what you are afraid to relate.

Answer 5

The earlier the better, these days. Page through the adolescent section and you'll find TONS of "Am I pregnant" questions from 12 and 13 year olds. If you don't tell her, she'll ask her friends who'll tell her just enough to get her in a huge amount of trouble.

For questions you don't know, I suggest where I send kids around here looking for good information, http://www.scarleteen.com and http://www.sexetc.org

And remember, if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to get an honest answer. Being 12 is hard enough without wondering what the heck is suddenly wrong with your body, why you're having mood swings, and all the rest of it.

Answer 6

You probably would be shocked to find out how much she knows already. Media,TV and school friends educate long before 12. Ask her some questions concerning growth body changes to get the conversation started then tell matter of factly about periods you will be able to tell if she already knows or not go from there according to her interest or not in the subject.

Answer 7

When they are much younger, you should begin to teach them a little bit about sex just so that they have a heads up to warn them about the potential for molestation and sexual abuse. This isn't the birds and the bees talk at this age, but it's the "private parts" talk about what constitutes inappropriate contact. As uncomfortable and awkward as it is, you still need to talk with her, and as many girls have already begun puberty at age 12, you've delayed a little too long. Perhaps what is most important when talking about the birds and bees is communicating to your daughter what your own standards for sexual behavior are. Hopefully, while this may be an awkward topic, you have an open line of communication on all other topics, and you and your daughter feel very close to one another. Studies have shown that the teen girls most likely to remain virgins at least until adulthood are those that feel close to their moms, that feel that communication lines between them and their moms are always open--that they can and do feel like they can talk about anything together, and that they know what their mom's standard is on sexual behavior, and they would hate to disappoint their mom. Don't let this be a one time discussion about sex. The more confident you are about the initial discussion about sex, the more the daughter will be able to relax, and the more likely she will be to bring up the topic again for further discussion and questions. This is a good thing. You want to become her primary resource for information about sex. You want to displace other sources for getting this information. In other words, you want her to prefer to come to you than to go to her friends or a book when she has curiosity.

Let me just say that, as a boy who had already hit puberty, when my dad tried to tell me about it, it was totally awkward, I didn't understand what he was saying, I got the sense that he would be nervous as all get out if I ever tried bringing up the subject again, he referred me to a book that opened a can of worms that left a lot of gaps in my understanding of sex, and that, although I made it through my teen years without having sex, my curiousity during my twenties led me to experience some things that I later regretted. I have a good dad that has been an example for me in many things, and I don't expect him to be perfect, but he's been close to perfect in many things, but the discussion about sex was his number one failure, and I had to learn a lot of things the hard way, after mistakes had already been made and the damage had already been done. Have a prayer that you can feel calm, relaxed, confident, and inviting as you prepare yourself for this crucial discussion with your daughter.

Answer 8

Chances are, she all ready knows about sex. You could just ask her what she all ready knows and branch out from there. Sexual education is still taught in school. I think its important to reach out to your children at an early age. Many girls these days are getting pregnant at such a young age. I really think she all ready knows a lot of things...you might not have to go as far as having to get a book or anything like that.

Answer 9

well my mom was also embarrassed to talk about sex, and it made me feel embarrassed to talk to her about everything! More than likely your daughter has been talking to her friends about it but they all have NO IDEA about any of it! I would say just tell her I know that you know what sex is, but I wanna talk to you about it so you know what it's really about and the different consciouses of sex, so that way she can be smart about it! My friend Sam was a virgin till she turned 18 cause she made a bet with her mom and her mom said if she can Waite then she'll buy her a car or give her $500! suggest something like that if you want your daughter to Waite! And just tell her that if she starts having sex to let you know so that you can get her on the pill and tell her to be safe! Tell her that just cause your putting her on the pill don't mean she can have unprotected sex! Just be honest with your daughter and don't get mad if she tells you something you don't wanna hear! I hid the fact that I had sex from my mom till I was 17 then she just told me to go get a box of rubbers and go get myself on the pill!
All you have to do is be honest and she'll be honest with you!

Answer 10

You should not talk to her ever about sex. If you cannot even write the word (hence "sx" above), you will likely do a horrible job explaining it to her. Ask her pediatrician to give her the medical explanation so she knows how it works and what the risks and dangers are.

Answer 11

i think 12 is a good age to start not get in to major major detail but a good age....check americangirl.com there is a book on there about how your body changes once you hit puberty get her that book and then go from there and explain w/e she wants to know
good luck