i was holding lots of stuff in my hands, and he asked me to lock the car, i said, i can't he asked why i said that i don't have a third hand, he said, use your big nose.
he knows i hate my nose, and i'm thinking of plastic surgery, so do i have the right not to speak to him? i'm really hurt.
2007-09-27 04:33:46 · 29 answers · asked by Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're not overreacting. If he knows your self conscious he shouldn't have said it.
2007-09-27 04:36:26 · answer #1 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I see a question like this, it always makes me go and look at other questions that could give some insight to other things that may contribute to the problem and or solution.
The problem is that you obviously love your husband and would do just about anything for him. He on the other hand treats you like dirt and does his level best to keep you emotionally beat down. From the sounds of it, he has been pretty successful and now you are qeustioning your own value or worth, while you still hold him in high regard. People like him, do that to make you think that you are lucky to have him and let you believe that you will never get so lucky in the future. What he does not realize is that at some point and time, you will look in the mirror and she that you are beautiful, wonderful, talented, skilled and deserve so much better.
I have a suggestion for you to try. First, you need to do the 180. Do not be his servant any longer. Still do the things you are responsible for in your family/marriage, but do not do the extra things you always do for him. For example, if you normally bring his supper to him, just cook it, but do not take it to him, let him go get it. If he asks where his food is, just simply say, "it is in the kitchen, you just need to serve it up, there is a plate and fork in there set out. Don't apollogize or make any excuses, just leave it like that and don't go get it. Then, do not follow him around, beg him to talk to you, get all touchy feely with him, or stuff like that. Stop depending on his approval for your value or self worth. Fix yourself up and look good regardless if your are going anywhere that day or not. Just take care of you and how you look. Smile, be happy, don't ask him not to do whatever he says he is going to do, just say a simple okay. Then if there is someplace you want to go, just tell him, "I am going to the store, be back in a while." Don't ask him to go, just tell him you are going and go.
He feels you need him for your very survival and existance and that has made him very overconfident in his position and he has lost respect for you as a person. Don't do anything that will cause him to think you are cheating, just get back to being the happy person that matters and stop depending on him for your identity. It may take some time, but he will start to look at you different.
2007-09-27 12:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The next time he ask where dinner is tell him you tried to prepare it but your big nose was unable to manage the pots and your hands were busy shopping so you just gave up and stopped while you were out to eat........... after all you didnt figure he'd be eating as he was already using his big mouth for other things!!!
Ok Ok that isn't any nicer...........and thats how a war begins that is a very easy cycle to fall into, and hard to get out of.....
If we hammered a nail into a board everytime we were nasty to another, and pulled it out everytime we were nice, we'd still be able to see the damages. When we are nasty and mean to people, we leave holes in them as well. We can appologize up and down and remove the nails but the fact is the holes still remain.
Picking apart something we know is deliberatly hurtful, is looking for ways to do damage. If this is common practice, I hope that you are able to escape it before your to full of holes to go. Ask youself, is that kind of conversation worth having?
2007-09-27 11:51:10 · answer #3 · answered by savahna5 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is "he?" A boyfriend or brother what?
If it's a boyfriend then I suggest you lose the jerk. He shouldn't be letting you carry everything in and making such comments.
If it's your spouse then I would let it go and and then notify him that he will need to get a second job to help pay for the nose reconstruction you are getting since he made that comment.
I would seek out a plastic surgeon and get an estimate of all it is going to cost him.
2007-09-27 11:40:04 · answer #4 · answered by Stormchaser 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was most likely making "light" of the fact he wasn't paying attention to your current state and used your nose to be "cute." He more than likely loves your nose and only used it as a point of deference in order to not let you realize he knows he's being oblivious and doesn't want you to think he's a jerk so he put the focus on you. Even if his tone was mean-- he was probably just annoyed with the situation.
2007-09-27 13:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would say something. Not talking to him will not resolve the issue. Wait until you can have an unemotional conversation with him and then tell him that you don't like being teased about your nose. Hopefully he will be understanding.
2007-09-27 11:41:13 · answer #6 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to not speak to him, but that's silly and it isn't going to solve anything. I'd be hurt too in you position. I would tell him how much it hurt and hope he apologizes. It takes a weak person to pick on someone's weakness. He obviously isn't very happy with himself and needs to drag you down with him.
2007-09-27 11:44:53 · answer #7 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt just stop talking to him, but obviously if he is aware of your insecurities about your nose, but still pokes fun at it, then he doesnt care about you or your feelings. But you wanna give it one more go, tell him that your hurt by his choice of words and if he cant hold back his thoughts, then maybe you shouldnt be friends! Good luck!
2007-09-27 11:37:47 · answer #8 · answered by MayMay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is coming out of the mouth of a man who is suppose to love you??????
He is being very immature and spiteful. How rude to make fun of something that is very sensitive to you (and he knows it).
You need to sit him down and talk to him about this maturely,
If he really can't change his ways... I would seriously think about changing YOUR way of living... without him.
In the 28 yrs I have been with my husband he has NEVER EVER made fun of me about anything. * and trust me there was plenty he could of *
2007-09-27 11:53:56 · answer #9 · answered by linda_c_44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that really hurt your feelings and even if he meant that as a joke he should know how you feel about your nose. That wasn't okay. Just tell him!
2007-09-27 11:40:52 · answer #10 · answered by greyskymourning82 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he is in a good mood tell him how its hurtswhen he comments on ur nose, and that u dont like anyone making that kind of comment. he shuld be making u feel comfortable and not discomfort ... dont let anyone make u feel inferior, we have right to feel proud of what our parents gave us. we are gods gift, we should not let others insult us...make him realsi the way u feel about it... clearly...
2007-09-27 11:40:10 · answer #11 · answered by lhdjmwh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋