Question for married people ...?

Question

do you feel like you've lost yourself in your relationship or have married the wrong person? If so, what do you do to cope?

Answer 1

I don't think we necessarily marry the wrong person. I mean, we would have recognized they were wrong for us before we married them, right? I think that the dynamic of the relationship can change and we don't always know how to cope with that change. Most people are terrible communicators. People tend to lead their lives with blinders on hoping that if they ignore something it will go away and they won't have to deal with it. But, remember, only WE are in control of our lives. So, if you lose yourself in a relationship or it's not working, that is something you can change, if you want it to through communication, hard work or even counseling.

Answer 2

If people are honest, I think there are times in their relationships they may question themselves. Maybe not who they married, but the relationship itself. Everyones coping mechanisms are all going to be different. Some have religion, some counseling, others don't cope.
I have been married 15 years, and we work very hard to make sure our marriage remains a priority, so it doesn't get lost it all the other stresses we deal with. It gives back what you put it to it. Sounds corny, but its true.

Answer 3

Do you feel that it's only you that feels this way or the both of you? If you are unhappy, is it because you are unhappy with yourself or the marriage? There is a big difference. If you don't love yourself, you definitely can't love someone else. Maybe you need some counseling on your own to "find yourself" again. It's more common than you think for a person to lose themselves once in a marriage because everything is expected to be the two of you instead of two people coming together.

Answer 4

kind of going through this now, i believe i made a wrong decision in marrying my husband, and i am currently separated and heading more towards divorce, i have tried to conform to his ways of living and totally neglected who i am, to the point i am fed up of keeping my feelings and thoughts inside fuh the sake of not arguing and he see's me differently cause he says i am not the same person he married.Knowing now that we are of 2 different worlds we don't match very well and this will now cause way too many arguments between us.Of course thats only part of the whole problem. But i have decided i cannot live in a marriage that has so much anger and "hate" for the rest of my life , i think i will go crazy. But still i will tell you try everything you can before you make any big decisions. To further answer your question, i have been to counselling both alone and together with hubby and definitely i continue to pray about it all..

Answer 5

Marriage isn't easy its to be worked at every day. You married that person for a reason. Marriage will only get better with time, because only time will make you love and understand them more. Try to hang in there, better things will come. Ever try a nice romantic night out with just the two of you? Tell her to buy something sexy and take her out for a night on the town.

Answer 6

Nope, just like I'm stuck in a lame town with no chance for getting out.
I want to stick with my husband, though. He truly loves me and gives me all he can. If I have problems sometimes, it's my own stupidity or selfishness getting in the way.
He may not be the exact "one", but then again I may be fooling myself into believing he's not "the one" just because I don't feel intense emotion like in the romance novels. But then again, the romance novels don't always include things like happy snuggling, stinky farts that drive me out of the room, holding my hair while I throw up, you know, the daily things that happen when passion goes out the window because of something silly like uncontrollable laughter at the wrong moment. We want to stick together because sometimes love includes forgiveness of the little things, little babies who throw up in the middle of the night, sudden surprise rainstorms in the desert that drive you to shelter under the picnic table because you had no tent, sliding out in the snow on a mountain road because he forgot to set the 4WD, those sort of things.
If you feel you've lost yourself in your relationship, you need to talk about this with your significant other. If they don't want to talk, you need to reevaluate this relationship. You can find things to do on your own that don't include your other, develop yourself on your own so that you bring more to the other, and if in the end they still don't accept, you at least tried.
Not knowing your situation, I think you should talk this over with your "other" first and find out if there is a compromise...
Good luck.

Answer 7

No, we didn't marry on a whim, we really thought about it and discussed it at length, we knew what to expect and what we both wanted so no I don't feel like I am trapped or lost or married to the wrong person.

Answer 8

I feel like I've lost myself in my marriage.I just feel like I have devoted myself to someone who doesn't appreciate it. He took advantage of my loyalty to him. I have devoted my whole life to my husband and kids and consequently lost myself. I guess I have myself to blame...now I'm learning to do things for my own sense of self like going back to school and spending time with friends. That is how I am coping. Maybe you should ask yourself what you have done to allow yourself to be lost in the first place. Blaming your spouse is not going to help you find yourself. Remember what made you "you" before you were married. If your wife really loves you she will support you in finding yourself again.Just don't to bring her along on your journey.:)

Answer 9

If you feel this way, you should seriously consider chatting to your spouse about the way you feel (in a non-confrontational way) and then go for marriage guidance counselling, and try to spice up your relationship in novel ways.
If you find no relief and still feel the same way, then perhaps your instinct is telling you it's time to move on.
We only live once and you need to be contented.

Answer 10

I feel that I married the wrong person. I tried my best to make it work, I really did. But, ultimately you can't make someone be something that they are not. I'm going through a divorce now.