Been with wife for 5 years. Recently she's been telling me things are not the same as the used to be. I just started smoking cigarrettes again after about 2 years we were together & she says she doesn't like it. She's been trying to get me to quite for a while now, but it's not like I'm a chain smoker. I just do it while at work but maybe once at home a night. I can understand it's a turn off to some people but some of the comments she says make me feel she's just been in the relationship physically and not emotionally.
On a different note: When I just want to hug her or hold her, she thinks I want sex. Even when I just lay down in bed with her, she thinks I'm just laying there until time passes & that I'll just ask for sex. Shouldn't sex be something we both want & not just me? I'm just frustrated with the situation & I don't know what to do.
2007-09-27 04:22:12 · 21 answers · asked by Me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife sounds like mine, difference is that she smokes and I don't. It's gotten to the point where I sleep in different rooms, I don't want to spend time with her, and have gone to the evil extreme and started talking to other great women. I'm not going to say if I had an affair or not (that's not important here). Do you feel like me where you love your wife BUT are not IN LOVE with them? If this is the case then hate to bust your bubble BUT shrinks are not going to help unless BOTH of you want (not need) the help, and she sounds like she has tossed the marriage aside. If things get worse, then it's time to join the growing statisics in the us called DIVORCED. Sorry if this hurts but the truth is never an easy pill to swallow, and I've never been one to sugar coat things..
2007-09-27 04:40:36 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Her sex organs are connected to her emotions. If shes not happy and is frustrated with your smoking or other things then she isn't going to be into any physical acts because her emotional needs aren't where they need to be. Maybe its not right for her to be this way but she is obviously not happy with the smoking or other things that may be happening in the marriage. The fact you are smoking may not be that big of a deal to you but to someone who really hates smoking it is, no matter if you just do it at work or even occasionally at work. Look back and see when she started acting this way, were things good before you started smoking again? Or is there a problem that happened to make you start smoking again? Maybe the problem goes deeper than the smoking or it may just be that shes turned off by the smoking. Talk with her about it and just ask her how she feels, without making remarks like why is everything always about sex or the lack of. Just ask her how she feels. Good luck.
2007-09-27 04:33:30 · answer #2 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women tend to start feeling unfulfilled when the romance and sharing in the relationship is gone. They want and miss the way their guy treated and courted them in the beginning. They want the days when he was curious and interested about her. The friendship you and her shared, the talking, relating of experiences and thoughts and events are missing now and all she feels is like a sexual object. This happens when the only intimacy she has with her husband is through sex. This can be very damaging to the relationship as she will begin to want romance, think of and long for times of long ago. She begins to pull away from her husband as he becomes to disappoint her. Your smoking is just an added thing of how little you care about how she feels. Men give it their all when courting a girl, then once they have her the man all of a sudden stop the courtship and get too comfortable. Talk to your wife, show her the love and attention you used to show her. I bet this will work. Best of luck to you!
2007-09-27 04:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is feeling low and not very good about herself hence why she feels any physical contact with you is just about sex.
You could try talking to her and maybe running her a nice bath gibing her a massage or just her feet a massage. Stuff like that foe a while without trying to have sex with her so she can see you love her and not just using her for sex.
When you get close like that again then the wanting sex will happen again for both of you.
But i do think you need to discuss why she is feeling like this and try to work it out too. It may not be anything directly that you have done it may be she is depressed or not loving herself and needs her self esteem working back up.
Also is she stressed with work or at home problems.
All things you need to try to discuss with her and work thro.
Good luck you are half way there as you realise there is something not right and you seem to be willing to sort it out so good luck.
2007-09-27 05:48:29 · answer #4 · answered by mollymoosmummy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay - you need to crank up the affection here....your wife is complaining - listen well....some well chosen compliments, a hug, laughing together, get a DVD and watch together...plan a lovely evening and then organise it so that you are in bed after she goes - takes the pressure of her in the sex department. She just wants to feel as good as she used to...when you made it clear you wanted to spend all your time with her....for some women, perhaps most, talking and laughing together is the best foreplay!
2007-09-27 12:01:43 · answer #5 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she's trying to say things are a little stale now, do you do anything together? i sometimes wish my husband would surprise me with a evening out. taking care of all the details, try this or if you don't have too many commitments how about a short break where you can sit down and talk on neutral territory. ask her what her feelings are. it could be all you need is some quality time and more communication
2007-09-27 04:39:06 · answer #6 · answered by paul p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bring her some roses and tell her you love her ,and you didn't talk to her for a while. take her out ,try to do something new. ask her whats wrong kiss her on her head not on her lips, show her how much you care for her, tell her a story about a queen who became yours and say the queen's name is your wife's name, it doesn't matter how old the woman is she'll alwayss like the romantic things and will alway wish the other part of the sex from her husband, try to be near her in different way i wish you tow the best luck together.
2007-09-27 09:39:43 · answer #7 · answered by viny616 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she is trying to say that there is something wrong with the relationship (in her opinion).
Next time she says ANYTHING like this, i suggest you tell her (calmly) that you love her and that you want to sort out whatever is praying on her mind. Then, let her talk - long talk, dont argue or try to dispute - just LISTEN.
Then try and work on any problems she has raised. If that fails, try couples therapy.
Wish you all the best
xxx
2007-09-27 05:21:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes sex is for both of u , the only thing i can told u is to write her a letter tell her that u sorry , doesn't matter if u don't do something . Give her a bouquet of rose , tell her that u get married 4 life , and not to divorce and stop smoking.
2007-09-27 04:31:22 · answer #9 · answered by melinda_1991_meme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is defiantly healthy, without it my boyfriend & I would be miserable. You have to both want it though, while it isn't the main ingredient to a successful marriage/relationship it is an important one. I am on your side, i believe she hasn't been in it emotionally for queit sometime. You both need to have a heart to heart talk.
2007-09-27 04:29:04 · answer #10 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋