Isn't it time you quit? Are you scared to be on your own? What keeps you with him/her that your common sense says to let go? Yoou knew it when you married them, and you kept believing it would get better, didn't you? But it's not. Isn't it time to leave, and get straight with God saving your Children from an awful legacy of the same they view at home?
2007-09-27 04:17:48 · 10 answers · asked by Tired of Users 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the answers. I am not "Judging" with this question, or asking for my own self type help. Thank you for the insight though. I am nearly obsorbing information from those whom which to share personal information about there experience. In some cases, maybe the question today will be the final decision in there own life for courage.
2007-09-27 04:47:20 · update #1
I would never put up with an abusive spouse.
2007-09-27 04:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As one that did get out the answer is fear. My case was emotional abuse.
In my case my spouse had me convinced why I really can't recall) that I could not make it on my own (I emigrated on my own twice) That my friends would not be supportive, my parents would not love me and that he was my world.
He had me convinced he could not live without me that i\I was his one and only. (yeah right) If only I changed a little I would be perfect But it was never enough Slowly your self esteem erodes you believe this person after all he loves you (or so he says).
In the worst parts of it I was convinced he was right and the world was wrong. Then I visited home and my parents showed me how much the loved me and finally 6 months later I jumped.
It was not until I was out I realised I had been emotionally abused. I still have the scars.
In a way you are sick when you are in an abusive relationship. You know it is wrong, you know you should leave but you think you love this person and that he reciprocates this.
It is not love it is possession that drives them Power so you will somehow you feel you owe this person something Abusers are manipulators They make you see things their way. You feel guilty for wanting to leave, think it is your fault things are not going right etc. It is therefore hard to leave. It is very hard to describe. Logically there is no reason yet you stay.
Friends who had not seen me for years and heard the story but also friends that had seen it and had told me to get out more than once were appalled when they heard the whole truth None of them could understand how I a highly educated woman with high self esteem could end up like this, but I did. Such is the power of manipulation Yet in the end it was a flare of self esteem that saved me. I am glad to be out and I hope I can help some women by sharing my story as much as I can
2007-09-27 12:06:33 · answer #2 · answered by MissE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First no I'm not with him any more. And yes I was finally able to quit.
I was scared to be on my own, and now that I am...I'm no longer scared...though I don't always like it, I'd rather be alone than in an abusive relationship.
Fear is what kept me with him for so long.
I didn't know it when I married...things changed throughout our marriage. Abusive people can be very sweet on the outside to others but once they think they have you they can unleash their fury.
At first when it started happening the good outweighed the bad. Like I said they can be very sweet and loving and will go out of their way to make up for their bad behavior...at first.
Fortunately I didn't have any children with him, but I would imagine it would of made it much more difficult to leave or for him to just finally go away and reek havoc on someone else's life.
But you really shouldn't judge, you can't possibly imagine what it is like until you are the victim.
2007-09-27 11:26:43 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. THIS is a GREAT question, thank you for asking it. Abuse and control do not start off in obvious ways. Something like 90% of violent relationships start off with subtlety. Hardly ever does someone just haul off and punch someone the first time that person says something that isnt agreed with. It starts slowly, then in time escalates to what you think of when you think abuse. Trust me when I tell you that noone LIKES being hit and being controlled. BUT by the time it gets to that point, your ego, your self image and your self confidence has been shattered to the point that you dont think you deserve better and you ALMOST think "Jesus, I know he cant stand when I (fill inthe blanks) so why do I keep doign it?!?" Not only does your partner degrade you, but you begin to degrade yourself with thoughts of "God Im a fool for falling in love with this guy, what the hell is the matter with me?" Alot of people also think that they SHOULD stay and "try to make it work for the kids' sake" Every person has their own breaking point. You cant break it for them. She has to find it herself and just say "Thats it, Ive had it, Im done" She has to find herself deep down under all the damage thats been done. To anyone reading my answer and find yourself in the same kind of situtation, id like to recommend a book. Its called "Feel the Fear and do it Anyway" its by Susan Jeffers. It helped me to move past my fear and get myself and my children out of a relationship that would have ended my life.
And to the questioner......be patient. Dont Judge or you become the same as the abuser. I wish you well.
2007-09-27 11:31:46 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the abuse started when we were dating. i still chose to marry him and drag my kids froma previous marriage into this terrible life with me. he ahs never been abusive in front of the kids. he always told me how much he loves me and that he's just jealous because he's so afraid of losing me. i wanted to believe that he wouldn't do it again so badly. i though if we married he would see how much i love him and would be confident in our relationship. i was wrong!! he's still the same person i met. everyone thinks he's this great guy and he's extremly good looking so it seems people look past what they know about him because of that. i'm a beautiful woman myself and i know that but i sometimes get hung up on how handsome he is and sweet he can be and i fall right back into this vicous cycle. rediculous, i know. i am working on getting out of this relationship as soon as possible. i deserve better and so do my children. there is a lot fo fear i feel... being alone, starting over, divorcing again, who would want me etc... and even the thought of him being with someone else bothers me. i'm not sure why? he is a abusive, controlling man and i should be happy that he becomes someone else's problem and not mine. the problem is i fell in love with someone i thought he was. i'm still in love with that person. but i have to realize that the person i fell in love with doesn't exist. it was an act. it's a hard thing to let go of. wish me well because i'm gonna need it. i would rather fear leaving him and having him kill me for leaving then to stay with him and have him kill me slowly! it takes it's toll on your health. my health seems to be shot. i am so tired and anxious all the time. it's exhausting. i'm ready to take my life back and be with my children alone and be happy.
2007-09-27 12:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by exhausted 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad a man finally had the courage to say this. It's scary to think that so many women out there probably do see signs of abuse prior to marriage and choose to ignore them. And, fear of being alone is very strong.
2007-09-27 11:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because I am too tired to change my way of life
2007-09-27 11:26:30 · answer #7 · answered by JOHN R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm scared to be on my own.
2007-09-27 11:24:14 · answer #8 · answered by Sassie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
god has nothing to do with it, sweets... guts, and courage do.
2007-09-27 11:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have no place to go.
2007-09-27 11:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by Chris 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋