What is the general rule about dealing with a guy who wants to be more than friends and you do not share that?

Question

I have a great friend with whom I share a close relationship with. He has invited me to a vacation on a ship but we are to share a room w/ one bed. For some reason he cannot get it out of his head that we will become more than friends on this vacation and that it will be a romantic getaway where he can pop the "question". I do NOT feel the same way. I have reapeated this to him and have stressed the fact that we are only friends but he still says he dreams about it and there is no harm in dreaming/ hoping. I am not sure he understands that we will NEVER be more than friends. The vacation will be at the beginning of next year and I am unsure as to how to deal with him or even if I should go at all. Thing is, the tickets have already been paid for and he paid for them fully. I do not think there are refunds available.

Answer 1

Not a safe situation to be in!

Advise him NOW to find someone else to go on this cruise with him, even if he begs and pleads that he will be on his best behavior, you must tell him that you will not be accompanying him. If he cannot find someone else, recommend his sister, mother or other friend that has never been on a cruise before. He has plenty of time to find a replacement cruise mate.

Otherwise, you are leading him on and it sends him mixed messages, which I suspect is already the case.

Answer 2

The beds in cruise ship cabins (at least the one's I've been on) are typically twin beds that can be pushed together for a couple. If that's the case, tell your cabin steward you want the beds separated (that'll keep him on his side of the cabin at night).

Prior to the cruise, make it clear to this person that you love them dearly as a friend, but if they don't stop the 'hopeful romance' comments that not only is the trip off but so is the friendship, because someone who really cared about you wouldn't keep pressuring you about an issue you've made your feelings clear on. If you have to distance yourself from him, he can always try to find someone else to take your place on the trip (tickets are typically not refundable). Don't let the tickets being paid for guilt you into going if you are so uncomfortable with him that you don't want to go (although cruising is a blast and you wouldn't have to spend all your time with him).

The dude can hope and wish and pray all he wants, but he needs to keep it inside his head and outwardly express nothing other than platonic friendship toward you.

Answer 3

Hmm maybe you shouldn't have agreed to a "getaway" with him where you share the same bed. Your pretty much asking for him to fantasize about getting a hook up or something else by even letting this to go down. What makes you think he won't try and make a move. Your going to share a bed!

Since you don't feel the same way, tell him you can't go. Pay for your ticket or suggest he find someone who he can go with. By going on this trip, you put yourself in a spot that will lead him to think that you guys will hook up. Get out of the situation since you don't like him like that.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say it but you have to stop hanging out with him, He made the conscious choice to try and take your friendship to another level when he could have just left well enough alone. Don't get me wrong, Guys aren't mind readers but you can kinda tell if a girl likes you, which would be the green light to go ahead and try and get something started. Things will never be the same between the two of you now, He will begin to resent your rejection and what ever friendship you shared is forever lost. Sorry.

Answer 5

I had the same problem. I had to be so blunt with him that it really hurt to do it, but I really didn't know what else to do. I think you need to tell him that he's making it impossible to stay friends with him because he won't wrap his head around the fact that you only want to be his FRIEND and if he keeps It up , you will have no choice to stop hanging out and that means no trip or any more communication forever. That's what worked for me. Either your just MY FRIEND or NOTHING! And you have to stick to it .

Answer 6

Too bad the tickets are fully paid for . You have told him several times that you are not interested in him in that way and yet he does not seem to get it . Just tell him you have no interest in going on this trip and leave it at that . Just cut all ties with him . good luck and be carefull .

Answer 7

I had a very similar situation with a very close male friend. I gave in, and ended up breaking his heart (un-intentionally but someone had to get hurt) and destroying our friendship. The harsh truth is if he has feelings for you, he mightn't be happy with less. I think it was controlling and obsessive of your friend to book this holiday. I hope it won't cause the end of your relationship but I honestly think you are going to have problems with him. Until recently, all my close friends were male but I'm beginning to think it has caused me nothing but problems. Single male friends have always wanted more as we got closer in friendship.

I think only remedy is if your friend gets his own girlfriend.

Answer 8

WOW. you sure have a prblem there...hmm can u get someone else to go in your place? maybe a guy? since other girls will prob unwilling to go, i assume? and i think you should prob tell him straight. that its IMPOSSIBLE for the 2 of u to become an item. if he's really ok with it then you can go on the trip with no worries right?

Answer 9

All you can do is tell him that you don't want to go there. He is trying to pressure you by buying the tickets. Don't feel guilty. He should have asked you before he bought them.

Answer 10

Set him on his place. Dont go to the cruise if you have to. Avoid any flirtations with him. Dont let the poor guy let his hopes up. Dont torture him in thinking that you might be interested with him.