Before I start telling the "negative" parts of the story. I'll start with the positive. I'm in school working on my bachelors, I have 2 years left, and he's taking care of me. My parents gave us a fully furnished apartment... so I have everything I need. He works, pays for the bills, remembers to pay bills lol, etc.
We got married 7 months ago. At the time, I knew who I was, but I was holding myself back a lot. My situation at home with my parents wasn't good. I was in a rush to get out of there. My husband was telling me he'll save me from that environment and give me one thats good for me. My parents LOVED him. Dad always told me what type of guy I needed to marry and he believed this was him. My parents were astounded because they never thought we'd get married. They thought he was this good wonderful person. Dad told me he was the type who would never get mad, super calm, always a gentleman, would be very successful, etc.
Answer when I'm done please.. to be continued
2007-09-27 03:49:51 · 21 answers · asked by Sweet23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some of the main reasons I married him was because I thought he was going to be what my dad said he was. Plus, I lost my virginity to him. I didn't want to get married until 25, but after that it sped up to a year.
Before we got married he had some issues that were barely visible. I'm in the music field, and he went with me to a coffee shop songwriters night for school. I saw my classmates (mainly guys), and I said hi. After a couple minutes he said in this really rude tone, "Thanks for not introducing me!!". Then later in the evening a guy from a radio station just happened to be there. He loved my song, loved my voice, and wanted to circulate my song and have me come in for an interview. EVERYONE was super happy for me except for him. He was angry, and couldn't be genuinely happy for me. I told him he'd have to fix that or we were going to have some major issues in marriage.
to be continued...
2007-09-27 03:54:25 · update #1
My mom told me that she noticed he'd get real jealous when she'd take me shopping and buy me stuff. I kind of noticed the same attitude when they bought me a new iPod nano for my birthday. Practically every guy I've ever dated wanted to marry me at some point. There was one who really tried to be what I wanted and needed, but he just couldn't do it... it wasn't who he was. I had never dated someone who wasn't supportive of my music/audio engineering/career. One of them in particular would tell me all the time how great I was going to be. "I can feel it, you're going to be something great." In a lot of ways, I miss encouragement... because I don't get it.... ever. Granted he is taking care of me when I'm in school, and that is some encouragement.
We're growing into 2 completely different people. I had a lot of food allergies, and now that my blood sugar and body is steady, I'm a completely different person almost. I'm more myself than ever.
To be continued...
2007-09-27 04:01:07 · update #2
I'm talking too much... so to sum it up.
We're different people now. I'm little miss sunshine, happy optimistic, encouraging, good attitude, passionate, driven, social charmer. He is a pessimist, and if he gets a little bit of stress he turns into a complete jerk.
My parents don't like him, my friends don't like him... We all feel cheated because we thought he was something different than he really is. He's still a good guy, I just don't think he was ever what I needed. He's overly attached to his parents. He wanted to stay in that city forever, and I wanted to move. I didn't like where we were living, and he's determined we're going to move back directly after school. I don't like it that city at all... he can go without me.
2007-09-27 04:05:14 · update #3
I'm done by the way lol
2007-09-27 04:06:31 · update #4
One more thing to add haha.
I just want to be encouranged, supported, and looked at in a high regard (like the guys I dated did).
Should I try to fix this? Change my mentality about it?? or Am I totally justified??
2007-09-27 04:13:41 · update #5
Continued or not, his jealousy issues appear to be a sign of an abuser. He has started out just jealous of your success or of you being cared for by your parents, but it will get worse. His response to your IPod Nano gift is a sign of his desire to separate you from your parents.
His anger at not being formally introduced to your friends shows that he expects to be the center of your attention and not others.
I would suggest that you start considering an annulment just based upon what you have said about his controlling behavior.
One of your last comments shows a strong sign of an abuser. His overly strong attachment to his parents. Many abusers are momma's boys and always stay very close to their mothers.
Take care,
Troy
2007-09-27 04:09:52 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
The thing people have against the war in Iraq is that it had absolutely nothing to do with 9\11, just as everyone before me wrote. We have gone in their for a total of 3 different reasons; we were first told that we were invading to get al-queda and the Taliban. Iraq however was not a large harborer of terrorist organizations, most were stationed in Afghanistan and Pakistan. We were then told that Saddam Hussein was creating weapons of mass destruction. No weapons were found. After that we were told that we were liberating the Iraqi people from a malevolent dictator. This was a good reason I believe, however since the bush administration had 2 previous explanations for invading Iraq, I personally felt our intentions were convoluted. I also believe that in order to justify freeing an imprisoned population, you've got to help the other nations that are in the same, and much, much worse situations. Just look at Sudan, Africa, the janjaweed and other Northern Sudanese groups have already committed genocide against thw Southern Sudanese people and still continue to do so in Darfur and surrounding provinces. Our government has very little to say about this though. Most of the aid going there from the US is coming from private organizations.
2016-05-19 23:14:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would guess your question would be" Should I leave him? Is this a savable marriage? What's wrong with him, or me, or us?
Right?
Lots of things, but sometimes we make pairings because it(they) are the best options for the moment. Perhaps this is what you have done here.
First off, don't have any kids with this guy.... he is very immature, as evidenced by his inability to be happy for you.... very insecure man. And when/if you become successful, perhaps more so than he, his machismo will just result in him hammering you down. If you can see this in this guy already, then stay until you can financially leave this marriage, if continuing in school, and being married is the only way you can finish.... here are four little rules that my mom hammered into my head beginning at age 13. You have made no major errors on this list as yet that you cannot reverse. The major error would be a pregnancy, so stay on your pill, and cover yourself with Plan B or an early saline if necessary.... Having a child at this point in your life would be nothing short of a disaster... anyway, the four from my mom:
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.
These little four saved my A($$$) more times than I could ever count
With love, hon, from my mom...
2007-09-27 04:10:44 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think it has only been 7 months and you both are 'making adjustments' within your marriage. First of all - keep the family out of it; his and yours. This marriage is between the two of you. You two have to sit down and discuss the issues you are having; let each other know how you really feel. When you do this, do not start blaming, criticising and all; you can only express what you are feeling; not that it makes it right or wrong. I also believe you should have introduced him; it shows you are proud of him. I see too much interference by family and friends and not enough open communication between the two of you. Turn to each other, not others. You are giving up before even trying to work it out. Good luck
2007-09-27 04:14:58 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is up to you...do you still enjoy being with him if only sometimes?
Being in school and him pulling the rest of the home stuff together is not always easy.
Life can be stressful,.... NO JOKE...and it does not matter who your with when niether of you cope well when there is a ripple.
Both of you need to talk things through and find out where you are and see if your life plan can be held together. Stuff that seems really HUGE right this second..... might not be in a few months... and then there will be other issues the two of you will be coping with.
Does not really matter what friends or family say about the two of you. It is the bottom line of what the two of you will do from this point forward.
Try not to fight... yell....because this will not help either of you fix it....if that is even possible.
Best of luck
2007-09-27 04:14:14 · answer #5 · answered by bigthinker 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is totally messed up. A bad situation at home is no reason to get married. Your parents practically force you to marry this guy who is going to "take care" of you. Honey, I think you have been tricked all around. This man is not going to "save" you and your parents fed you to a control freak who is trying to watch everything you do. I guess he feels he is entitled becuase he "rescued" you and is taking care of you. How old are you? If I were you, I would start saving for a rainy day becuae I think you set yourself up for some major problems with a possibly abusive and controlling man. I hope not - but it seems a little funny. It sounds like as long as you be a "good girl" he will take care of you - if not -watch out. I wish you the best but if he is abusive don't wait for him to hurt you - get out and get away from your family. Good luck,
2007-09-27 04:22:16 · answer #6 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he was upset over you not introducing him to your classmates....I hate it when my husband does that to me. Makes me feel like I am not good enough to tell them I am his wife..I can understand the jealousy if you don't treat him like you are married when out and about. Think you might want to try counseling....You already made up your mind so whats the question? Either you work on the marriage or you don't. You don't stay with him because he is taking care of you then leave after you get out of school...That would make you a user and not a nice person either!! Now I am done....
2007-09-27 03:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think from the start you didn't include him in your world, you want to feel important, don't you think he does too? It is not all about you, it's about the TWO of you. Try starting over and include him and get interested in his world. If this marriage doesn't work out just remember you played a big part in that...It's not all on him.
2007-09-27 04:21:42 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK, I know you're not done, but first things first... He needs to be important to you, by not introducing him, you're showing him that he doesn't mean anything to your life. I get it, my husband does that to me. I talked to him about it and told him how it made me feel, never again has he done it. It hurts my feelings to see that my spouse doesn't care that I am there. You should have taken the time to say hey, this is my husband.... That could be why he wasn't happy for you. Turn things around next time, introduce him and I can bet things would have been great...
2007-09-27 04:00:05 · answer #9 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
To be honest, this is really too too long. You need to learn to be concise.
The bottom line is, he is your husband and needs to be supportive of you. If you are going to be a performer, how is he going to handle you having fans? It seems not very well. It also seems like you married for a bad reason (to get away from your parents)
2007-09-27 03:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋