Can you really trust the person you had the affair with?

Question

If you and the other person were both carrying on a lie, what is it now about that person that makes you trust them enough to want to have a long-term committed relationship? I'm curious (p.s. i'm not having an affair and not the victim either).

Answer 1

if they can lie to their spouse about having an affair, they can most certainly lie to you

Answer 2

This is not as straight forward as it seems. Generally casual affairs are perpetrated by two selfish people that are only interested in their own satisfaction. Occasionally these affairs will lead to long term relationships, however, the individuals are still the same selfish people and you have to cast doubt on future relationships.
Having said that a person can grow as a result of this type of mistake and can learn this is not who they want to be. Although this may occur it is doubtful the person would be content with the person that they had the affair with.

Then there are the couple that got to know each other, fell in love and had their affair. this relationship MAY last bur they will always be wary of each other in the future. Also even in this circumstance they have proven themselves to be selfish as they have considered themselves above their previous partner and not had the strength of character to split with them before venturing into a new relationship.

Answer 3

I haven't had an affair - but I do know people who have - and then gone on to a long-term committed relationship. They are purely deceived. Most people I know - for them - it's not about trust - it's about who is best in bed. That is really not the basis of a long term commitment in the first place - so even if they take the affair to that level - it doesn't last - at least that has been the experience of all the people I know who have done this. If you ask them - it's all about their personal happiness. The basis of a long term commitment is about personal sacrifice - quite the opposite. These are people who are ignorant and deceived - they actually turn around and try to tell me that they are good, honest, faithful people to top it off - I'm not fooled - and neither are their kids!

Answer 4

No pat answer that applies to everyone. I know someone who had an affair - he was mismatched in his relationship, but felt he had no way out. He was miserable. After the marriage ended, he found someone else who was a good match and now he is loyal and happy. He regrets his past mistakes and thinks he has learned from them and grown up. He talks about how he would have handled things differently now. Hard to make judgments....

Answer 5

Beats me besides. i think they think of they're so specific and distinctive from the 1st spouse/husband and that not something like which will ever take place to them. yet ninety 5% of those relationships will fail sooner or later - everybody is precise while they say it maximum possibly won't final. And in genuine existence, I somewhat have in no way witnessed a marriage of this form making the ten 12 months mark.

Answer 6

Great question again. I think that we all cheat for a very good special reason that changes from person to person. Each one knows where it itches and everyone makes a different decision on how to scratch.

Answer 7

I don't think that anyone in an affair, someone willing to betray and cause so much pain to those they 'supposedly love' would give any other relationship or life decision THAT much thought....they are living according to their feelings, not by what is practical, ethical, or right.

Answer 8

You can never trust the person you had the affair with because both of them are liars,deceivers and snakes. The old saying is,"do it for me,you'll do it to me". You already know he is a poisonous snake and its just a matter of time till it bites you or you bite him.

Answer 9

They have as much to loose as you, so yes you can trust them. Why would they want to loose the good thing they have?. They won't so they will not tell.

Answer 10

Yes.