I am married,my husband is 12 years older.
we don't talk,we share a bed,we don't touch. we don't make love. i have told him of my needs but he ignores them, I feel unimportant.
meanwhile, I am a volunteer at a charity shop.
this guy who has been coming in for years, asked me to dinner. I told him I couldn't go because I was married. Then I decided I would like to go,just for the companionship,and he said what would be the point. and I agreed. He is an honerable man. But still he comes in sometimes two to three times a day,sometimes without buying anything, and we talk for hours. He found out I broke my favorite cd and brought me a replacement. He always ask if I would like to walk around with him in the store while he's looking.One time he even stopped by just to show me the tile he was putting in his house,and he wanted my opinon.BTW that meant alot to me,sounds silly but no one ever ask my opinion.
are we just good friends, or is he hoping for more?I adore him. BIDK what 2 do
2007-09-27
02:31:52
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32 answers
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asked by
A*MUSE
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
please read married witha twist pt. 2
2007-09-27
03:32:35 ·
update #1
He is for sure wanting more and I think you are also. I'm all for trying what it takes to make a marriage work, but if your husband isn't willing to budge then why stay in a marriage that is hopeless. This may be your chance for love and happiness. No one can survive, in a marriage, without love, kindness, love making, respect, etc. If this continues you will eventually divorce him or stay miserable for the rest of your life. Life is too short not to be happy. Talk to your husband about all of this. Tell him your needs, fears and wants. If he acts as though he doesn't care, then don't let this new man, who obviously cares, slip away. Ask for a separation from your husband. Maybe time away is what he needs to appreciate you and you may need time away to see that you are truly unhappy in your marriage. OR....you may both see how much in love you really are. Maybe he doesn't think you are serious....you are just complaining....Do something, time is passing you by and you have a man who can give you what you are missing.....Good luck.
2007-09-27 02:41:07
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answer #1
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answered by Paula D 4
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Your husband is neglecting you so I don't blame you for slightly straying emotionally, that is a risk any man takes who neglects his wife. People have needs, even ones as simple as feeling that their opinion and thoughts mean something. Be careful though, you should try to do the honorable thing yourself.
Start by thinking about why you fell in love with and married your husband in the first place. There had to have been good reasons why you married him. Re-examining those reasons would hopefully help you to see that your marraige is valuable and worth the effort to fix.
Next you need to talk to your husband. You should try couples therapy, and if he is not willing to go then you should go. This forum is great, but nothing beats talking out your problems with an objective listener. If after this he is not willing to put forth any effort, and the neglect continues, then that begins to equate to emotional abuse, and at that point you could consider splitting up and then developing a new relationship.
But along the lines of doing the honorable thing, you really do not have the right to lead yourself and this other man on. You should stop talking to him. It is not appropriate for him to be turning to a married woman for her opinion and companionship. That is extremely wrong on his part. He is taking advantage of your current vulnerability, and as a result your attention and focus are diverted from where it should be which is fixing and maintaining your marraige.
Marraige is a promise, it is a sacrament, Which means it is your responsibility to sacrifice at times. Who knows why your husband is like this, maybe he has health problems, or emotional issues that he doesn't know how to share with you. Or maybe he just isn't aware of what he's doing.
That guy needs to stop sniffing around (a married woman) because it sounds like he's interferring in your marraige. Good luck... try to do the right thing, and I hope you and your husband find happiness soon and in each other.
2007-09-27 03:03:54
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answer #2
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answered by blujello 5
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This comes from a male friend of mine who knows more than a few guys like this: He's really, really hoping for more. What to do? It depends on you. If you entertain this relationship (for companionship or for whatever reason) it can only cause harm to your marriage. The person with whom you're supposed to be having these wonderful, long talks with is your husband but unfortunately your husband doesn't show a rat's *** bit of interest in you. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't still truly love you and would be genuinely hurt, should you have an affair or leave him. The fact that this 'honorable' man is still coming into your shop in the first place after you told him that you are married shows that he's not honorable, at all. In fact, I'd expect that he has ulterior motives. 2 or 3 times a day? That says to me, "I really like spending time with you but I'd also like to see if I can get you into bed. I'm still coming around because I think I'd like to see if I can do this because the fact that you're married just makes it all the more interesting of a challenge." Once he realizes his goal, you'll hear a slight *poof* as he disappears. Sad, but it's true... The fact that you're married also makes it a safer conquest. He doesn't really have to put forth too much effort after he beds you because you're married. Some men seek out married women for this purpose. What seems to the lonely woman as genuine interest over a very long period of time is actually something completely different. These types of guys often don't even know they're doing it. I'd think long and hard before starting something with this one... If you are really and truly unhappy with your marriage, it's best to deal with those issues directly.
2007-09-27 02:51:59
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answer #3
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answered by maggieeld 3
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Even though if this sounds lame, I think that the most unexpected twist would be that Kishimoto would have Sasuke and Naruto fight, then they talk about how everything's changed (Ex-Naruto:How could you betray Konoha after everything we've done for you, Sasuke? Sasuke:Just like I said, Naruto. I must erase all of my ties so I can start anew.),and then after a long battle, both come to a solution(Naruto(desperately):Sasuke, just as long as you come back to Konoha, I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to help you. Please Sasuke,I'm begging you, let's stop fighting! *Sasuke stops abruptly, guilt and shame on his face. He realizes that what he's doing is pointless and will only worsen the ongoing pain in Konoha. He drops down on his knees and starts sobbing.* Sasuke(quietly):I'm sorry, Naruto.). So long story made short, Kishimoto will bring the series to an abrupt end by making the two become friends again, they're both alive, and Naruto has become Hokage and he will help Sasuke rebuild and maintain his clan. Pretty optimistic, huh? Hoping That They Both Come Home Alive, NataliaJonee
2016-04-06 03:36:08
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Oh my...well it sound s like you need to go to counseling with your current husband. If he is ignoring what you want then..hate to say it...he doesn't love you and very may very well have another. No sex? Hmm suspicious. I am not saying just go out and cheat DO NOT DO THAT! I know you are in a confusing place but you must think about your marriage. You did take vows and you need to hold true to those. I know the other guy is awesome but maybe you need to tell him that you are married and you can't have him buying you Cd's and helping him pick out tile. Tell him you are uncomfortable. He more than likely will leave you alone for a while (I know you don't want him to) and then you can focus on what is happening at home. Believe me, if you take it to far you will fell horrible guilt and that is not good for anyone.
2007-09-27 02:43:19
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answer #5
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answered by Knome Lover 4
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I was in a very similar situation. My husband and I slept in separate parts of the house, led completely separate lives, never talked, never touched, hugged, kissed, or anything. And yet he somehow thought this was normal and refused any kind of counseling. I put up with it for years because I wanted my daughter to have a two-parent home. How stupid I was! I wish I could take those years back now. You absolutely deserve the companionship, affection, and attention that this other man is showing you. You are a human being, for god’s sake!!! It is time to cut the cord with the cardboard man living in your house and allow yourself to have a real flesh and blood relationship with someone. Life is too damn short to be trapped in such a miserable situation.
2007-09-27 02:43:30
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answer #6
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answered by meagain 4
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If you are in a loveless marriage that can not be fixed file for divorce finalize the divorce Then when everything is complete start dateing do you know if you friend is single Also has your husband always been like this and what was he like when you dated If so why did you marry him When did his personality change Has he gone through any extreme life changes Have you been to marriage counseling with him
2007-09-27 02:46:45
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answer #7
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answered by chameleon 5
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YOU ARE MARRIED ! Even though it may seem like he is distancing himself, You still need to respect your husband and the relationship that you formed. Does he know you went out to a dinner with a stranger? How would you feel if he went out to a dinner with a stranger and you found out about it? Do you try talking with your husband, if so how do you approach and how many times do you tell him? Did you try counseling? If you want the marriage to work out, you (both of you) would or should try to make it work. If all the options are tried and its still not working, than its time to move on and get a divorce. Don't waste time thinking and wishing that he is going to change, you need to be up front. Its a better option than regretting it later telling yourself you should have done it sooner.
2007-09-27 02:41:27
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Sounds like you are good friends, and your husband is not giving you the relationship you need. As a guy, he is very likely to be interested in something more(unless he is Gay) but he might really enjoy your friendship and the fact there is no pressure for anything else. You can jokingly ask him, if he wants more, but it is to you on what you want out of this relationship.
MO
2007-09-27 04:28:53
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answer #9
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answered by MOs fishin 6
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We all have to make that decision for our selves, once the decision is made it needs to happen, so many times we know what we want and what we feel, but we deny our selves because we are made to feel bad or sad for our decision due to the other getting their feeling hurt. Why do we find it OK to hurt ourselves and live our lives unhappy and incomplete. When we all are entitled to live life as we choose and if need and want more then make that happen for yourself, but remember all decisions should be based on the relationship between your husband and you and not what the outside world of the unexpected. You need to be happy on the inside so if the grass isn't greener as you see it now, you are still happy and content with your decision and feel good about making the right decision for you rather its lying alone or with someone you can touch, love and communicate or continue life as it is now. Good luck and believe in yourself for you have value and have the power to love and receive love.
2007-09-27 03:13:04
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answer #10
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answered by livelovelaugh 4
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