What is your take on this scenario about marriage and finances?

Question

A married couple decides to get separate bank accounts and agrees to pay the common bills (mortgage, electric, etc.), but will pay their own individual accounts (car, credit cards, etc.). The wife loves to buy home décor and furniture for their new home, but the husband could care less about any of that. He’d much rather put $100 or so in his bank account and spend the rest having fun (eating out, drinking with friends, sporting events, etc.). One day the wife finds a formal dining set for $1,500. She runs home to tell her husband about it and his response is “If you like it buy it, but I’m not spending that kind of money”.

The wife decides she has to have it so she buys it. Should the husband have to help make the monthly payments and/or reimburse the wife for at least half of it since he will somewhat benefit from it? For those who would say “no”, then what gives in this situation? The wife likes nice home décor and furniture but the husband likes to “play” with his money and buy the things that he deems necessary.

Is it fair for the wife to have to buy most or all of the furniture, either because the husband thinks it’s too spendy or because he simply doesn’t want to spend the money? On the other hand, is it fair to the husband to have to pay for something that he didn’t ask for? But knowing that he probably will never say “Hey, honey let’s go buy a new bedroom set” then what gives?

My husband and I will be getting separate accounts next month, but knowing how things will go, I just want to hear what others think so I can prepare myself.

Okay, after the first post I see that maybe I need to clarify some things ... the wife is a bargain shopper and everything that she buys is usually on sale. The wife is the one who ensure all the bills are paid first and then she spends. Although the wife likes quality things, she does not spend more than she can afford. Also, the wife makes more than the husband and that's part of the problem for the husband.

Also, the reason we are getting separate accounts is because when we get paid my husband thinks "Okay, we just got paid, there's "x" amount of dollars in our account. He wants to hang out with friends and they go out to eat and drink, he wants to eat out a dozen times, and really, all of that is fine, but CHECK YOUR BANK ACCOUNT FIRST.

It's hard to pay bills AFTER you've spent the bill money. He doesn't do it intentionally but he just refuses to communicate and check the bank account.

The other reason is because he gets disgusted when we have to pay a bill. I say the electric bill is due, he yells and holds his head down "Didn't we just PAY an electric bill?". I am tired of feeling guilty about life. Bills have to be paid. That's life.

While I would love to keep our money together in one account, which is my preference, I can no longer stress myself out and cause my blood pressure to rise because I have to be scared to tell him that a bill is due. I can no longer get stressed when I see him wanting to go eat out and buy appetizers, etc. and I know the water bill is due and we don't get paid for another two weeks. If I try to explain that to him, he'll say "Well just forget it! We don't need to eat out at all if that's the case".

I pay all the bills and all I try to do is communicate with him. If there are issues with the finances I have to deal with them because HE can't deal with life. I'm tired of that.

Answer 1

It's good as long as you both agree to split big ticket items. The bad problem is when you don't agree on the big ticket item, then you have the problem you do now.
But I would hold on to proof that I bought it, so if we ever split up I will take it with me. I would also let him know that.
Once you start the separate accounts, I would not buy any more big ticket items.
Money is a big problem and if I were you, ( just to protect myself) I would change my account so they will not send me statements. You can view them on line, because once you separate the money it could get ugly. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 2

This is how I would do it.

I would have an account, not joint (either under my wife's or mine, more than likely mine) that would be setup to pay all bills (house, electric, water, groceries) & have a good estimate of how much this will be during the month & each put that amount into the account each month.

There should be money left over per each person, so I would make sure at least 20% of each paycheck go into a savings account or retirement fund. Of course each person should have their own retirement account for themselves so it would have to be under different names. I would actually put 10% into 401k & 10% into stock. That way you can be a millionarie way before you retire!

Now if there is any money left over - it should be used for each own's car bill, insurance, gas, lunches. Personally I have paid off a car & my wife drives that (great condition) & I just got a new suv which I pay out of my pocket.

The big problem seperating money on household items - such as unneeded items like an overpriced dining table or bedroom set could mean you are robbing your spouse. The money that you spend potentially could have been used in a mutual decision or maybe to something that would gain value rather than depreciate in value. I know buying a new car is the dumbest thing you could do because it depreciates rather than increases (like a house or stock) but hey, I'm only 23 and I have my whole life in front on me to save for other things and so forth.

I think each should have their seperate account to retain some type of independence of your own. Meaning that some people are brought up to have their own independence & can't get used to the fact of just having 1 account for everything.

Answer 3

My husband and i have been together for 22 years I love to have our home look nice We split most everything 50 50 We have separate bank accounts He likes to spend money on going out with his friends eating and we enjoy life He works really hard all the time When we need new furniture We sell the old piece first put that money towards the new piece Anytime we want to switch out furniture the old furinture should have served it s purpose My current livingroom set is 10 years old and looks new But if I want new furniture he will buy it because I also work very hard He believes the old rule If Momma ain t happy no one is We respect each other and help each other with everything

Answer 4

Ok, just a thought....why not have two accounts (in both your names) but one is the "bill" account and one is the "mad money" account? Agree that you can each spend x amount of dollars a month and if you don't spend your "allowance" that month it will carry over to the next month. If one of you wants to buy something over the montlhly limit than you either have to have enough built up in the account or you have to wait....simple as that. And by the way, your husband needs to grow up where bills are concerned.

Answer 5

Look at it this way...if you were in business with somone and your partner bought a Mercedes S600 as their company car instead of say a Nissan Maxima or something, would you feel like paying half for their car? Keeping in mind that you do get to ride in it occasionally of course.

Why should he have to pay for your like of nice things...especially since you wrote that he makes less money. If you like nice things by all means enjoy, but I wouldn't expect him to pay half the bill. Maybe you should try rent dining room table space to him when he wants to eat there. lol

What you should do is come up with a list of "necessities," such as furniture and alike, and negotiate an average price that the two of you would be willing to pay for these items. Then, if either of you go over that amount, it's on whomever makes the decision to spend more.

Answer 6

Great that they have separate accounts! Kudos for figuring out before hand about bills etc. Can be NO arguments the way have it set up.

As far as frugalness- Kind of good, kind of bad. I am the thrify one in our family, my hubby is in a way a lot like the man in this situation. He likes to spend on "fun".

We compromise. Go to thrift stores, discount furniture places etc. I love the challenge of the hunt. We know (and he knows) need furniture, ya can't sit on the floor for heaven's sake. We need a sofa, so I am in process of looking for one that works for all of us. I asked my hubby- how much are you willing to pitch in for a sofa? WE both know that average for new is appx $1200. $400 was his response. Hmmmm- so if I paid half- I'd have $800 to work with or pay more 'my fair.'So I can either use the money that I hung onto after pulltabs, keep it for a rainy day- or pay more than my fair share....he says, my choice, do what you want. Get what you want...up to you. Ok, so what am I doing? I have gone to discount places, looked at closed out, slightly damaged-

Here in MN there is a HUGE furniture store called Beckers Furniture World.... I am going today to look at all the floor models etc. If I do not find anything my next plan is to look in the papers! Sometimes ya have to communicate first- compromise in order for all to be happy. If wife is set on the best of the best and not willing to compromise, take his thoughts etc into account, then he has every right to say- go a head, spend your money.

I don't like to spend a lot when going out, afterall, the meals and drinks only last so long in the system, LOL. I think a lot of times a waste of money, with nothing to show for it, but the time with friends is invaluable. So I see his point as well.

We compromise there too. It used to be going out every weekend, every Fri/Sat. Now because of things needed, bills to be paid, we have cut back to every other weekend. He also agreed to cut back on those stupid waste of money- 'pull tabs'- if he wins, half is given to me to put towards whatever and he does whatever with his share. (like -buys more pulltabs, only to lose LOL). Communication/compromise are key!

Answer 7

Seperate accounts is terrible for a marriage. My wife and I share everything, she makes a little more than I do but so what. Money is not your primary issue in a marriage, look for trust. Once you have that who cares what money paid for this & that? WE bought a car, WE got new furniture, WE picked up some clothes at the mall, WE WE WE. I see people with seperate money and they are never the happily married couple, usually there is a lot of mistrust and resentments.

Answer 8

The way a couple spends their money is a mutual decision and all spending should be discussed and agreed upon prior to the purchase. Seperate bank accounts are not good because it sets you up to conceal something from your spouse and that is not right.

If you buy things frivolously, perhaps a budget is right for the two of you.

Answer 9

It is becoming a common occurrence for couples to have separate accounts out of which they by their must haves. If the must have is something like a new kitchen stove because the old is too dangerous, then that should be a joint purchase. But if it is something like a big screen HD television or an antique china cabinet, that is something that should not be forced on the uninterested party.

Answer 10

An intermediate is to have a communal account and separate accounts. Then decide before hand what is acceptable as mutual and what not.
Ad hoc things can be added. The example you are referring to in my opinion could be either in an ideal world it would belong to both but if not and she still wants it By all means buy it use it etc but ensure that it is clearly in a statement to say that it is yours and yours alone