What is the best way to handle teenagers?

Question

IMy 15 year old daughter just came to live with me. She lived with her father from age 10 to 15. We were living with my parents and moved out this past weekend.

I have to get stuff for her room like a bed and desk.

In the meantime, she keeps saying that she hates it here where we are living and does not study. She throws tantrums every evening and says that she is going to fail her classes and then accomplishes nothing.

She then asks me to help her and does not listen when I try to explain her things She uses her energy to throw things around and scream at me and then she does absolutely nothing.

How should I handle her? She keeps telling me the bad things that I have done in the past and does not study.

I end up begging her to study because I am concerned for her GPA and how she will go to college. Should I leave her alone or push her to study?

Answer 1

that sounds really hard.

first you have to get rid of the idea that it's even possible to handle teenagers. they're at the height of their desire for independence, so ideas of handling and controlling will only seem disrespectful to them.

but, it also seems like you're asking how to handle yourself when you're in her presence. and that's respectful enough that i'll do my best to answer.

- she's asking for help. that means she wants help, and that it's possible for you to help her.

- she has chosen, at many times, to fail classes. presumably because she hates school, finds it pointless, and hates studying.

- she was with her father for 5 years. presumably you're divorced. so that long time away from you during some development periods has probably made her hate you for a few reasons. since she says she hates it there, she might hate it because she's with you. one reason might be that she thinks you've given up on her. but, i can't make any assumptions about that, as there are too many possible factors and reasons.

- she's telling you the bad things you've done in the past. that means she wants you to accept them, admit them (or tell her the whole truth), and move past them.


things i recommend you do:
1) study her subjects until you can understand them on a basic level. otherwise, it will be hard, maybe impossible, to help her.

2) look up (online, maybe ask another question) how to drop out of highschool, how to get a job at age 15, and how to test out of highschool. since she expressed interest in failing, you should tell her how to do it successfully.

3) ask her what she wants to do when she's older (avoid using the words "with your life" and "going to do"). then, look up how to do it, and how to be successful at it. then, help her get interested in starting it as a hobby (don't call it a hobby).

4) respond to the accusations of bad things you've done by asking her to come to a different room to sit down with you, so that you can talk to her about everything she's accusing you of. tell her if it's true, or exaggerated, or false. tell her your reasons for it. tell her your feelings at the time. tell her everything you can to get her to understand the bad things you've done. do not make light of anything she accuses you of. do not make light of anything you've done. if you say it correctly, a confession is the same as a one-sided apology.
(be careful, a two-sided apology is not a true apology. this means that you can't expect her to accept your confession or apology, and you can't tell her that you don't expect anything. you simply tell the truth).
if they are truly bad things that you don't want to remember or don't want to admit to... then i hate to say this so bluntly, but you have to grow up.

5) (you may not know how to do this. it's ok, this is less important than the others. and it's hard to make this work in today's society) tell her how to study outside of school. how to look for people who know a lot about things she's interrested in, and ask them for help. how to look for things online. and how to experiment with things on her own to learn on her own.


if those 4 things don't work, i don't have any idea what to do. you could try crying and apologizing (at the same time).

Answer 2

At 15 I'm sure she knows how important studies are now a days. If not, explain to her what happens when you don't perform well in school. Then explain to her that HER future depends on her choices in life. Give her the opportunities in life, the tools she needs and let her take her own choices.
About her attitude ... well I think she is a little old for tantrums. Talking to her and explaining the situation, should help, but most important ... I think she's got some issues that she needs to talk about with you. You should listen to her and find out what the real problem is. Maybe it has to do with so much mooving around

Answer 3

you sound like you're at the FOR part In my opinion it depends upon how ancient the teenager is. Any teenager 15yrs ancient and below have a more difficult time bodily dealing with the being pregnant for the reason that they're nonetheless developing themselves. Teen's sixteen and above bodily can manage the being pregnant greater for the reason that traditionally they're performed developing (although the mind does not quit developing until 21yrs ancient). I consider Emotionally dealing with the being pregnant is special relying at the adulthood of the teenager. Also I consider that the being pregnant is a LOT simpler to manage as an alternative than what comes later on. Parenting!!!!

Answer 4

If she attends a public school then there will be a school counselor. Talk to the school and ask them to set up a counseling session once or twice a week so she can have someone independent to talk to. Then they will call you in and give you instructions on what she is going through and how you can best handle things.

If there is not a school counselor then see if your insurance covers a counseling session with a therapist.

There are some things that we, as mothers, cannot handle. We can't do it all and sometimes it is best to pull in a person with more expertise to handle the situation.

Another option would be joining a local church and see if there is a youth group. She will make many friends in the youth group and they will have so many activities for her to enjoy with kids her age and at the same time she will be taught how to have compassion, to be humble, to give unconditional love and so many other things.

Good luck and don't give up! You are doing a great job so far whether you can see it or not, just have patience. :o)

Answer 5

I am 15-year-old and I have and idea of what you're talking about..you see, I have classmates who do almost exactly the same thing.

Your daughter apparently has some issues. Don't worry, this is normal and comes with the different stages a teenager goes through.

Most of my friends rebel against their mothers because they think that their mom's don't care about them (even if it's obvious that they do). They're blinded by the hurts inflicted, it seems that they're still dwelling in the past. They can't get over the need that no one filled all those years someone else had taken care of them.

You cannot do much right now, really, except be the loving and caring mom that you are.
-Does your daughter have siblings? If so, check your ways, your daughter may think you're playing favoritism.
-Constantly remind her of how much you care and be sure you show it.
-Loosen her leash a little bit still, while showing care.
-Do not compete with the love or attention given to her by her father. You have your own way and he has his.
-I suggest shopping together or surprising your daughter by bringing her to places she likes going to or doing activities that she enjoys.

I wish I could help you more, but unfortunately I need to go.

Hope this helps. =)

Answer 6

My first thought when I saw this question was tell me the best answer when you get one but after reading everything else you wrote WOW~ She seems to be throwing nothing more than a huge hissy fit. Let her suffer at school, she will just need to take summer school or tutoring after school. Maybe ask the school to make her sign an agreement promising to keep the grades up. At home just be consistent with how you handle things...Don't beg.

Answer 7

PUSH HER!!!!

I am 18 and I didnt take school serisously when I was 15 and I am regretting now and there is no way I am going to be able to pull my GPA back up and it will definaltely affect me with college and will take me longer to get into my college of choice.

Im a senior in HS and working my butt off to do GREAT this year.

Answer 8

she is the one that has to live the life if she decides to drop out then let her she is going to then learn about life and bills and no money....
don't let her stay much if she drops out and does not get a job asap or it will drive you nuts. take the hard line with her after all you are not going to be there for her hole life or college so she has to learn now i would think no better time then the one were in now.
Good luck

Answer 9

love them care them and convince them.