lust after 20 yrs of marriage?

Question

after 20 years of marriage I have fallen in lust for someone at work - she is divorced and has 3 children and is very street wise and has a great self esteem and thinks I should do what I want and not stay in the marriage out of guilt to avoid making someone unhappy and beign unhappy myself as a consequence. - she has said she does not want to have an intimate relationship with someone who is married. - Is this all away of leading me on and trying to get me to leave my wife?

good answers - ok I'm not sure if it is lust or love - cant get her out of my mind but must admit I feel the physical urge to be with her more than anything else. When I see her I feel lousy as I fantasise about an intimate relationship but she is holding out on one as long as I am married - she put the seed in my mind of a possible intimate relationship with her which she knows I crave but what a price!!

Answer 1

Do u really wanna throw away 20 yrs for lust?? 20 yrs is a long time and vry precious time. Shes trying to see if she has the control over u playing lil mind games w/ u.

Ask urself do u love ur wife? Theres a difference between love and lust.

I've been married 7yrs. and w/ my hubby 13yrs. I love him w/ all that I am but there is a guy that I do lust over but thats all it is lust I would NEVER act on it cuz it would not be worth it love to me is so much more important. Lusting over someone is a natural thing u can't help but acting on it is something u can control!!

Oh and ur probably questioning this cuz it may be the first time in 20yrs that someone other then ur wife has made u feel "special"

Answer 2

The grass won't be greener on the other side,thats for sure.

Tell this marriage breaker to stay the hell out your life,she really isn't helping matters at all.

Take control of this situation now before it gets out of hand and ends up hurting you and your wife.

If you're telling this woman you are unhappy in your marriage etc... Instead of moaning on to her,try at fixing what problems,if any,your marriage has so both you and your wife can be happy again.

Be a man,have some back bone and put your energy into your marriage,if it still doesn't work after that,at least you can say you tried,without hurting anyone.

I very much doubt you would be having this conversation on yahoo had you not been in a lust situation,and thats all it is,LUST. And hardly worth throwing your marriage away for.
It's easy for her to give you all the pathetic advice,she's not in a marriage herself.

I wouldn't trust this woman as far as I could throw her if I were you.
Think long and hard before you do something stupid or it could all end in tears.

Answer 3

First of all, think about how this peson is motivated? Is her advice objective? Does she have other reasons for telling you to leave your wife? Of course she has. I do feel so bad for your wife. 20 years of standing together against the world and then you go and talk about her behind her back...not very loyal perhaps? Sharing intimacies (even emotional ones) is a form of cheating anyway. If you put the same effort into your marriage as you do into this other woman, you would probably have a much better marriage and a less complicated life! This other woman does not have your best interests at heart and it concerns me. Its easy to mess with someones head - after all, she is only saying things you were already thinking about...however, where most people just think about it and then act within their marriage to sort out the problems, this woman has tempted you outside of your marriage. I would like to think you had strength enough to walk away from her at this point. If you still feel unhappy in your marriage after a few months, then yes, think about leaving but only for yourself, not to end up in dead-end relationship on the rebound. Good luck.

Answer 4

The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but: It still has to be mowed!!!!!! I had an affair with a woman, same situation, single, kids, etc. She is telling you what you want to hear, but like all the others have said, she is trouble. If she is such a prize, why is she trying to bust up your home? Think with the head on your neck, not the one behind your zipper. You can only play with a snake for so long before it bites you!!! Leave her alone, tell her nothing, and get things straight at home. I bet the other woman cannot hold a candle to yoru wife. My wife and I are stil together, but it hurt her deeply. Leave it alone.

Answer 5

See you should not leave your wife. This is a cycle. After marriage for many years living together with your wife. sometimes you will feel bored with her and lost the same kind of feeling you had before when you just started with your wife. Think of the great time you had spent with your wife initially. She was just as good as the other women. Even though if you chose to leave your wife with the other woman, the same things will happen. You will feel fresh and happy with her initially. But after maybe few years later, you will also feel bored with your new one. Is a cycle. Maybe by then when you had left your wife for few years, she will seems to be even better than the woman you choose. Remember it is not this woman is better or can get along with you better than your wife, it is because the feeling is fresh. But I will not know in future??? So remember is the same, just a cycle. Better tink carefully. Wish you all the best!

Answer 6

you said it right, you've fallen in lust........that means it won't last long. First of all, you should not let her program your mind into thinking that you want out of your marriage or that you're unhappy.......she needs to get a life. How can she tell you to leave your wife, it's not up to her. I bet you if you told your wife what this b***h is saying, your wife would kick her a**. Yes she is leading you on and trying to get u to leave your wife.......she might be having some problems or she might be doing this because she got a divorce and it's affecting her to do this to u some kind of way. Cut your relationship with her and try to refresh things with your wife.

Answer 7

She's right about one thing. You shouldn't stay in a relationship our of guilt to avoid making somebody unhappy. My husband and I, who have been together as a couple for 25 years have discovered this. I met somebody else and fell completely in love whilst we were visiting the UK. (we live in Spain) Obviously I told my husband as soon as possible. He asked me to come back to Spain to try and resolve our problem. After counselling and much discussion, some arguments and bitching, but mainly lots of talking, we realised that the problem was that after such a long relationship we had begun to move in different directions. Now our children have left home he wanted to go back to nuturing and caring for people and I wanted to party. At the end of the day, neither of us are to blame, we had a relatively good relationship, the split is down to personalities and we can't do anything about them. Neither of us should have to compromise what we want for our future just to suit the other one.

We both have new partners now, I am due to return to the UK to be nearer my boyfriend in 2 weeks time. We went through all the fighting and bitterness and now we are leaving the relationship on good terms, we have even agreed an amicable settlment for the assets. We plan to spend Christmas together, with my family and our new partners.

Your relationship with this woman is a symptom that you have a problem with your marriage. Sort out your marriage, either resolve the problem or resolve to end the relationship with as little stress as fighting as possible, then make a decision about your friendship with this other lady. If she is not prepared to wait for you to do that, then she really isn't the woman for you.

One very useful thing we remembered during the difficult times is something our tango teacher told us. He was refering to the dance, but it is useful in any partnership I think. "If a mistake has been made, you both made it." Both parties need to take responsibility where it is due.

Good luck

Answer 8

How wonderful it is to have some perspective, dear. After constantly asking yourself what direction your life is going, doesn't it feel great to finally feel as if you know? How very wise you are! Yet all this recent wisdom is exhausting. You feel as though you've made a long trip up to the mountaintop to speak with the learned wise person at the top. Now that you're back down in civilization, it's time to find a soft bed and relax for a bit.
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Answer 9

Please do not throw away 20 years of marriage because you are having these feelings of lust. That is just what is ... lust. It would never last between you , and then you will be without your wife who has been beside you every step of the way. Just remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Be smart about this, and do no throw away your marriage!

Answer 10

it's her way of expressing her feelings for you. however at least she has alittle sense to not mess with a married man. look you need to stay away from her until you figure out what is going on in your own marriage. if she really is even a friend she will understand. divorce is not a subject to be taken lightly and you would feel terrible if you left your wife only to regret it. this is your life and you need to figure it out. and lust is not love. so take some time to figure this mess out. but my advice is to avoid this woman like the plague until you do.