my problem is that i knew my husband had twins before we met, but he told me he didnt trust that lady he had the children with and even suspects those kids arent for him, he wanted to go for a DNA test but at that instant he wasnt financially sound, now we are married with the children staying with us, things are financially better now, its been five years now and the kids are 6 years. but surprisingly he doesnt want to do any DNA test any more cos he has developed so much love for the kids. He is afraid it wont be in his favour and might loose the children, he even said that even if he finds out they arent his kids he wont tell their mother and wiil keep the kids so there is no point for him to do the test. meanwhile i have two kids for him too.
There is nothing i can say for him to be convinced to do the test, do you think he is being fair to me and the children? cos i think the children need to know who their true father is. well, i have been very loving to the kids and they eve
2007-09-27 01:14:06 · 13 answers · asked by girlgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
maybe it's because he doesn't want your feeling hurt if the test comes out positive. you need to talk to him.
2007-09-27 01:17:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is doing what is best for the children right now. They have a stable home and family. When they are grown and out of the house, and they all agree to do a dna test, then that will be their choice. It is likely that he will lose the children if it turns out that they are not his. This will cause a lot of emotional turmoil for all of you. He loves the children as his own and wants to keep it that way. No one can blame him for that. To them and to him, they are his, and the thought of losing them hurts him so deeply. I would do the same if I was in that situation. Everything should stay the way it is until they are grown, then they should be told the truth and let them go from there. Even with you having children with him, it should not affect that in any way that he does not want a dna test. I am sure all of you, children especially, have become close to the twins....why take someone out of your children's lives for no reason? That would take a negative toll on your children as well. It could really damage your relationship if you keep pushing the issue. Why is it you want it so bad? To get the ex out of the way, to have fewer kids, what? Just accept them as you always have and put the dna test on hold for the years to come. At this age, the children would have a hard time understanding it anyway, and it will cause a lot of pain and suffering on their part as well as everyone else in the family if the test came back negative. He is right on this, he should not get it done yet. Him feeling the way he is now is much better than the heartbreak would be if they were not his. Support his decision and leave things alone for all of your sake. If it comes back that they are not his, then it will cause so many problems that you are probably not ready for. Also, legally, he would be required to report it if he knew for a fact that the children were not his. It is a lose lose situation if he has the dna test done unless it comes back saying that he is the father. Sometimes it is best to just let sleeping dogs lie.
2007-09-27 01:25:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is their dad and that is all that matters to him. What will they have without him? You knew of the children when you got together with him so I don't think that he is being unfair to you. Deserting the kids would be unfair to them. Let it go. Love those kids like they are you own. They cannot help the position that they are in. They are just stuck there because of the actions of someone else. Do not take it out on them. Where do you live? Where I live (Ohio) the courts would go by the best interest of the children and not the DNA test. It is not in their best interest to lose the only father that they have ever known. Sounds like a good man. Make a happy life for the six of you and don't worry about their paternity. Best of luck.
2007-09-27 01:25:22 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not the same thing because YOU know that you are not the kids' mom. You made a conscious decision to let them believe that you are. It's not like you took two kids home believing they are your kids and then finding out later that they are not. I don't understand though if the mom didn't want you and your husband to be near the kids, how did she end up letting them live with you and disappear completely from their lives. If you love these kids and want the best for them, why the urgency for DNA testing? If she is out of the picture, what's going to happen to the kids? Does it matter? Is it going to change anything? If they're not his kids, isn't it like adopting. You still love them, right? Let the bear lie until which time the kids decide they NEED to know the truth. Worse case scenario, he has DNA test, they are not his kids....are they then going to go back and live with their real mom who hasn't been around and they probably don't know her nor she them? Since these are your husband's kids, he probably has to make the call. If you are all happy right now, let it be.
2016-05-19 22:35:33 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is any point in getting the test done until the kids are older. If THEY request it, then fine. As it is now, it would turn everyone's lives upside down. Finish raising the kids first (which he would do anyway) and then find out if it's necessary.
You knew the deal before you got into this, you can't really go changing the terms now.
He probably would be heart broken if he found out they weren't his too, he WANTS them to be his. I would let it lie.
I have a friend who thinks he may not be the dad, but i can tell he doesn't want to NOT be the dad, he'd rather support the kid, and get to be daddy.
2007-09-27 01:21:00 · answer #5 · answered by A derka der 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These kids were in his life before you came in and you want to have the DNA test done so that you can push them out. What is wrong with you? Your husband should be the one pushing to have the test done and he isn't. So what's your problem? He is their DADDY! Has been for the past six years! before you came into existence. Remember from day one, step-mothers bear a bad name. Why don't you make a difference? Let these kids have something nice to say about you when they grow up. How about, "she took care of us even though we were not her biological kids"
2007-09-27 01:40:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyway you put it the kids are his, they are 6 yrs old he loves them and they live with both of you. Regardless on DNA those children love him as a father and he loves them as his children, I think he is the father, he's been there for them, and obviously willing to take care of them. I think you want to know because maybe you really don't want them around. This is his decision let him decide if he wants to know if there is a blood connection or not, because he is their father regardless.
2007-09-27 01:34:08 · answer #7 · answered by CHUTKA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 6 years old, your husband is their father, regardless of the blood work. It would devastate him to find out otherwise and devastate the children also. Let the sleeping horse lie or you may be opening a can of worms that your husband and step children just are not equipped to deal with. This could also impact his relationship with you as you are the one urging him to do the test. Let it be accept that they are his kids and live happily everafter.
2007-09-27 01:21:44 · answer #8 · answered by ursobustedmr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he doesnt want to test....he shouldnt! He loves the kids and they are the only father they know. Even if he took the test and they turned out to not be his ...it only means he knows they arent his...it wouldnt mean they would know who the real father is. If your hubby has accepted this responsibility and the kids we're a part of his life when he met you...you need to let it go.
2007-09-27 01:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has been these kids father for 6 years, and obviously loves them. His refusal to get a DNA most probably stems from the fact that he thinks you will try and get rid of them if he's not their biological father. Good on him for being loyal to his kids.
2007-09-27 01:21:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋