A month ago my husband was asked by his job to relocate himself to another town, about 4 hours from where we live. He has to live there for 6 months, with the benefit of coming home every weekends. Now, this change was a sudden one for me, one for which I was not prepared for. In my world the sun rises and sets on him, he is the sweetest man that I had ever met, so having him home every other night was awesome, as we did a lot of things together. Now, I am all alone, responsible of the welfare of my two dogs, my job and the house. I feel pretty lonely and overwhelmed. There are days when he calls that I break down over the phone, lamenting of the situation I'm in and almost blaming him for the stress (although I do realise it is not his fault). In addition to the constant stresses of his work, he has to deal with me. I feel like a horrible unappreciative wife, and I really do not want to be. I want him to know that I truly appreciate him- what can I do to show him I honestly love him?
2007-09-27 00:34:24 · 19 answers · asked by Dandie the Dirty Dog 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him or send it to him in an email...you miss him, you really appreciate him and love him with all your heart.
2007-09-27 00:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by sadie_oyes 7 · 6⤊ 5⤋
The first thing you can do for the both of you is find a way to occupy some of your free time. Go to the gym and work out or go volunteer somewhere. This will take your mind off him being a way and you'll feel good about yourself whether you work out or help others.You could also take this time to meet up with the girls and catch up on old times (or go make some new friends). You need to keep yourself together. It's good to let him know that you love him and miss him, but you can't keep acting like you are. Be happy that you get to see him every weekend. Do all your housework and everything during the week, so when he's home on the weekends, the two of you can spend sometime together. He will be very happy about that.
He knows how much you love him. He probably misses you just as much as you miss him. You've got to keep yourself together for the both of you.
2007-09-27 07:50:08 · answer #2 · answered by princess_dnb 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know how hard this can be for you, but you need to concentrate on your job and all the other responsibilities you have now. Why not drive out to see HIM?? Please don't continue to break down when you are chatting with him, it will only make him feel worse, cry when you are alone afterward (and YES I do know how hard this will be!). This is a tough time for you, but it is only 6 months, you can grow as a person while he is away and surprise him with things you have learned when comes home. It will make him feel more secure in knowing that you are ok and can take care of yourself. He may end up respecting you more for getting through this time without stressing him out as I am sure he has that and so many other things on his mind.
Good Luck!
2007-09-27 07:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by chefddr 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Having been in your shoes many years ago. My husband was in the Navy and was gone more than he was home. I remember his first trip after we married and I wrote him this long letter and just poured my guts out at him. He was devastated and wracked with worry about me. Another Navy wife intervened and gave me a good talking tol She gave me the best advice. Get a diary and write down all those feelings you have so that you can validate them but spare him of them.
You have to look at it from his point of view. He is probably also just as lonely and overwhelmed.
Things I learned to do while he was away: Cooking a nice dinner for myself 1x a week. Planning something nice for when he comes home. HOBBIES were a life saver.
Most importantly just keep telling yourself "This too shall pass"
It will be done before you know it. It will also give you a chance to grow as an individual, I used to do things that my husband found boring or just didn't like while he was away. That way I could take care of my needs and grow while I was keeping busy.
I wished I did have a job while he was away just to break up some of the day.
Just remember "this too shall pass" and boy were those home comings sweat ;-)
2007-09-27 08:07:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa V 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
That sounds like a tough situation to be in and I can certainly understand how you must feel. I think that you just need to remind yourself that your life will only be disupted for 6 months. It may seem like a lifetime but it isn't. You need to be strong. I'm sure that he has the same feelings that you do and would give anything to be at home with his family. It will be tough, but you have to support each other now more than ever. Try to keep your conversations on a lighter level and just make him aware of how much you love him. Remember, you can do anything for 6 months!
2007-09-27 07:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Teresa S 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stop nagging him when he does call. Be there for him at the weekends when he comes home and remember it's probably not much fun for him to be away from you either but it is only 6 months. Let him know how much you love him and that you understand he has to work. Why are you stressed anyway surely even if he was there you'd still have to go to work and keep the house. I can't see that you really have any extra responsiblity. Don't push him away!
2007-09-27 07:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by littlebear 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
the best thing you could possibly do not just for him but for yourself is accept your situation for what it is and spend some time on loving yourself building up your self esteem so that your sun rises and sets on yourself (not him) learn how to get comfortable with your own company (it's only six months), try not to break down on the phone when he calls you are responsible for your own feelings of happiness comfort etc sure i realise you miss him and need him (and vice versa) but what you do not need is this added stress in your relationship.
a lot of people end up being co-dependent which is not healthy and can be avoided if you work on your inner self, get out and make new friends join a club exercise fill in your days so you are not missing him as much that it causes you grief each day.
He would already be aware of your love for him, just be aware that your behavior may be causing him some grief as well, and can often in time irritate them and they loose respect for you. Focus on improving who you are so you are better able to deal with the times when you're feeling the loneliness hit. before you know it he will be back you will be a better version of yourself and he will be more in love with you.
We are sent situations in life to test our relationships (healthy loving communication is key to all relationships) but the best relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself so get started immediately. A good book to read is called Your life matters by Petrea King get a copy and enjoy it's contents it's wonderful reading.
I wish you well on your personal journey of discovering self love x o
2007-09-27 07:54:25 · answer #7 · answered by clarissa l 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband works abroad, I spend some of the time with him, but also go back to England as our "home" is there, my 2 daughters, and grandchildren are there. This has been going on since 1999 and now I am used to it, but I used to be like you, crying and shouting and blaming him. I spoke to a counsellor who said they were all normal ways of dealing with the situation. Your last bit of the question reminds me exactly of how I used to feel. I am afraid I can't help you except to say that 6 months will soon pass, keep yourself busy with anything you can to pass the time and before you know it he will be back. I am so sorry for you as it is a terrible feeling and not one many people understand.
2007-09-27 07:39:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
Its ok to miss your husband, but its not ok to make his life miserable because of it. See if your company has EAP benefits as part of your package, or simply talk to your doctor. You are experiencing some temporary situational depression and just need alittle help in the form of counseling, or maybe a mild anti anxiety medication. EAP many times has a few free visits for temporary situations like this.
2007-09-27 07:42:31 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell him. If he's coming home every weekend, show him.
Don't just say I love you, tell him why you love him. Always make him out to be better than all the men on this planet with compliments. Men love compliments. You want him to get excited when you call or when he's with you. When he sees you, it has to be a great time.
Grab him, kiss him, hug him and make love to him telling him how excellent he is and your husband will be all set. Good Luck
2007-09-27 07:51:20 · answer #10 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have to realize that YOU are responsible for your own happiness. You are pushing him away.
I would suggest reading the following 2 books:
The Surrendered Wife
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Take this time to read these books.
Good Luck!
2007-09-27 08:01:50 · answer #11 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋