My husband and I have been married since May of this year, but we've been together since I was 16 (im 25 now). He is in the Army and getting ready to go overseas. I fell out of love with him a long time ago, I care about what happens to him, but I don't want to be with him anymore. The situation kind of got complicated when I met a new guy that I am totally head over heels for. I wont start a new relationship until I end my marriage. Would it make me a horrible person to serve him with divorce papers 3 months before he leaves??? Or should I stick around until he comes back? Or should I just leave it all to be and hope I fall back in love with him????
2007-09-27 00:14:59 · 14 answers · asked by autumnraine0321 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and I have been married twentyeight years. I can't begin to count the times we've fallen out of love with each other . I believe this is common in most marriages and the timing on your own issue couldn't be worse. You have a history with your husband, and a commitment, my advice would be to support him through his walk in hell, you won't regret it and perhaps you'll find the love again. You're not a horrible person, you're human. From experience I say to you; The grass is not always greener on the other side. Best wishes to you and your husband.
2007-09-27 00:36:54 · answer #1 · answered by Brigid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't serve him papers before he goes overseas! I think you should wait and see how you feel after he comes back. I have been married for almost 36 years so I have a little experience in this marriage area. I know you expect to feel an abiding love for your husband every day, but, that's not how it works. Love in a long term relationship ebbs and flows. Your lust for each other settles down and you get on with life. This is where commitment to the relationship comes in. You kind of wait for the feelings to flow again. True love is not the rush you feel at the start of a relationship when everything is so intense and wonderful. True love is a caring and concern while you have money problems, laundry to do, and all the other real life problems that come along. It's knowing that there is one person that will stand by you and help you keep the wolf from the door. It's a you and me against the world kind of thing. Believe me with this new love you have the lust will settle down and then you'll feel what you do right now. If after your husband comes back you still feel like you want out do it then, but, not before. Good luck!
2007-09-27 00:32:34 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you please be serious about yourself first? You have been married since last May, is this because you loved him or because you had used to his company?
If you had loved him, then, sure, what you are after proves that you are losing your mind. Firstly, you'll hurt yourself . Secondly, you'll hurt him the most. thirdly, your new love is a fake and a result of something wrong in your life. Fourthly, who can guarentee that you once again look forth for a new guy if your second love fails. You'll be a horrible woman thereafter.
If you had used to his company, then you were so wrong in your marriage. Thus you'll be in suffer if you hurt him now and then. Consequencies will be very destructive.
I'd like you to have time sometime with yourself, think and don't surrend to your feelings. See if your love with husband can be regained or not; that is the key to your final decision.
Don't hesitate to contact me if you are still confused.
2007-09-27 01:21:41 · answer #3 · answered by My-E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you marry him if you weren't in love with him? was it the big wedding and getting a pretty dress? It's a bit selfish to do that. he thinks you love him more than anything, and want to be with him forever. he will be just as upset if you leave him now as he would be if you left him when he got back. though, while he's over there, he will be thinking 'at least i get to go home and see her soon.' and then, when all he wants is to lie in your arms and be comforted so he can forget the horrors of war, you will tear his heart out and stomp on it. maybe if you do it now, he'll have more time to get over it before he gets emotionally scarred from the war.
If you are totally head over heels for another guy, you have ALREADY started a new relationship, an emotional one, you are cheating on your husband with your heart, if not with your vagina. you should have stopped contacting this other man as soon as you realised there might be something there.
If it were me, i would work to save my marriage.
2007-09-27 00:49:02 · answer #4 · answered by A derka der 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some times we allow our mindsets to rule over our life. When your expectations get bigger than your value for love decreases. A husband and wife relationship is that you need to fall in love with each other every new day. I can see that you mentioned that you think of him... that means you still love him.
By issuing the divorce you are not only disturbing your life but also his. Marriage is how we mold it, not to say "If my marriage does not work than, I will look for someone." that's stupid... what if that does happen.....? LIFE will become mess.
Wait for the time, while he is away learn to love him as before. make this marriage happen. Try to remove all the obstacles that is distancing you from him.
God bless...
2007-09-27 00:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by WILLS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got married in May. Thats not very long to be married or to give it a real shot. I wouldnt give up on it yet ( unless he is abusive). Emotions come and go ( and if you fell out of love with him a long time ago, why were the 2 of you married in May)? Unless there is abuse, give your marriage more of a chance.
2007-09-27 03:07:14 · answer #6 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you a horrible person is that you lied to him in May and promised to love him forever when you had no intention of it.
Stop cheating on him and get some counseling. What he doesn't need is his wife sleeping with someone else while he's overseas and you don't have enough respect for him to not do that.
2007-09-27 00:21:12 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can control your feelings to a certain extend
People do not stay in love forever The in love feeling goes and makes way for something so much deeper.
Head over heels is a cop out of real issues. Chances are you are just trying to avoid being alone
2007-09-27 00:27:56 · answer #8 · answered by MissE 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do him a favor and file the divorce. What? You want to be the one thing he holds onto while he's at war, then leave him the minute he gets home?
At least let him get served now and have 3 months to get over the initial shock of it. Maybe he'll be lucky and find a woman worthy of him when he gets home.
2007-09-27 00:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are a mysogynist piece of crap! Lay off the women, OK, or I will discuss with you to educate you a lesson. Girls won't have well recommendation for men however they have not been us, so reduce them a few slack. They mostly do deliver sound recommendation to one another and that is all we will ask for.
2016-09-05 09:31:27 · answer #10 · answered by hektner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋