Im 18, and at college, i needed the day off yesterday to go to the doctors, i have an infected tonsil and a cold to go with it, felt really rough this morning, so decided not to go to college.
The way my mum reacted you'd think i was a 10 year old, i got the whole 'im disapointed in you' thing, then she was saying that i wanted to quit the course, basically made me feel like a complete failure just because i dont feel well. I dont know what to do about it
2007-09-27 00:11:32 · 24 answers · asked by c_louise89 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Well you have 3 choices-you can either sit down and talk to her and explain how you feel, you can just tolerate it/ignore it, or you can start looking to stand on your own two feet & maybe find somewhere else to live since you are now an adult,as long as you are living under her roof she is entitled to an opinion,I know I got on much better with my Mum once I'd moved out because she saw me in a different light-as a responsible individual.
2007-09-30 09:40:12 · answer #1 · answered by munki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mum used to be a bit like this. I'm married with my own children now but still these sort of conversations happen between us. Try to reason with her. Explain how she makes you feel and tell her that you were genuinely ill. Tell her you will be finishing your course, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered starting it in the first place. Did you do anything when you were younger for her to mistrust you? If so, try referring to it and saying to her that it was a long time ago and that you have grown up since then. If it helps, try writing her a letter and leaving it on the kitchen table or something (It worked for me in the past).
I know this is probably a typical Mum thing to say but she does love you and wants the best for you. She's probably concerned that you might miss too much of your course and fail, then won't have a career etc. I'm sure I'll get thumbs down for this, but I must say that at times, and even still now, I did "bend the truth" with my Mum, just for an easy life. I'm not saying you should outright lie to your parents all the time, but perhaps for a harmonious home it wouldn't hurt to have a "study period" if you need to go to the Dr.
2007-09-29 21:22:08 · answer #2 · answered by Xai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait for the dust to settle then act like the mature person you are, and say that you need to sort something out and calmly and rationally. Saying that you respect her wanting the best for you, but would appreciate a meausure of respect and trust on her part too. It all depends on your relationship with her as to whether this will go down, but it is usually quite safe when you are feeling calm about what you are going to say. Voice the fact that "I am disappointed" is very belittling and makes you feel that you are faking being ill. Good luck. Even if she doesn't take it too well, she will think about it and it might be a wake up call that she is probably being too controlling.
2007-09-27 00:36:31 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can't quite understand why your mum would react like this unless she's the pushy career type of person who never gets ill or is it that you have been having a lot of little illnesses just lately & she thinks your not interested in your chosen course either way you are 18 now time for mum to take a step or two back & let you get on with things i do hope you are feeling better soon infected tonsilitis is rotten take carexxxx
2007-09-28 11:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by magic man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mums are like that, she wants the best for you but doesnt have the same ammount of influence on you that she had when you were little, so this is how she reacts. If you are an only child or eldest , then she is on a learning curve as much as you are, if you have elder siblings then she wants you to attain the same degree of success or ( better if they had failiures ). Try explaining that, while you value any advice she may have, it is YOUR life & you are the one in control of it, having 1 day off for tonsilitis does not make you a failiure.
2007-09-27 00:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by tedrfandthedog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a moment to try to have the tiniest inkling of understanding and compassion for your mom. She is so proud of you and wants you to have this really amazing life and probably doesn't want you to repeat the same mistakes she's made yadda yadda and doing great in college is one of the biggest keys to you having choices in this amazing life she's imagining that you'll have. Just take a moment.
Now that you've done that take another moment and really think about what power your parents really have over you. Do they pay your way and expect you to get good grades to pay them back? I think that's reasonable. Give them a report every few weeks or send them your report card. But I doubt that they made an agreement with you that you needed to, as an adult, call them everyday and report your every move, or that they are in control of your feelings for goodness sake.
It's time to start practising setting your adult boundaries. It's OK for you to say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. It's time for me to go now," or, "I think if you are really worried that you should go to Yahoo answers and ask other parents if this is abnormal," or something like that. Next time don't give them so much info.
2007-09-29 12:42:41 · answer #6 · answered by dontdoubtit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be certain you print this, shop it, and study it once you're thirty. You your self will seem back and say, "oh my goodness...i did no longer understand how lots I had left to strengthen back then". They probable purely undergo in recommendations how lots they *concept* they knew back then, and have replaced lots for the reason that they have been 18 years previous, i understand I even have...and God knows I made some judgements that weren't very sturdy. I actual am fortunate to be alive in the present day - I relied on human beings completely too lots and did no longer understand each and all the hazards that are obtainable for the duration of this international to boot as I do now.
2016-10-05 10:46:53 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats what mothers do. Its built into their genes to drive their children insane.
Mine still treats me as a 5 year-old, i ignore it and patronise her in return when she gets too much. After she sulks for 3 days she tends to treat me as an adult for a while and then slips into her old ways - its just her nature.
Tell her politely that you are looking after your health and that by taking a day off, you are ensuring a more rapid recovery. If she cant see that, point out you are not at scholl and it IS possible to catch up on your own initiative.
Does she charge you rent? If she does, then you could point out that if you are old enough to pay rent then you are also old enough to pay it to another landlord.
2007-09-27 10:15:40 · answer #8 · answered by Subic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you live at home it is difficult for your mother to get used to the notion that you are no longer her little girl that needs to be supervised, checked on and admonished. Old habits are hard to change...
Just patiently and kindly explain to your mum that you are grateful for her caring about you but that you are a responsible adult and know how to organise your life. This may take some time for her to accept, but it is certainly worth the try.
2007-09-27 00:23:59 · answer #9 · answered by cyranonew 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one of the hardest things for a parent to believe is that the baby isn't a baby anymore. i get it too...and i'm almost 30! my mother emailed me the other day to ask me if i had cleaned my bathroom!
i know its really irritating but she does love you. now missing one day of school due to illness doesn't mean you are giving up on it! i think its great that you are going. if i was in that position i would try to calmly explain this to her. does she have a job? remind her of a time she or maybe your dad missed work or something for something similar.
in the meantime, have some chicken soup and i hope you get to feeling better! you are so not a failure!
2007-09-27 00:33:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋