My husband and I have been married for three years, no kids. We are currently living in a three bedroom house given to us by his family. Our marriage has been pretty normal with its ups and downs. My husband has recently been diagnosed with depression, and we are doing better on this matter now.Marriage is supposed to be in sickness and health and thats what I have been doing taking care of him like I'm supposed to, thats my job. I have a pretty dysfuntional family, but he comes from a functional one. My mother doesn't have a thing to her name and lives with my sister and her family, my step-dad takes care of my other 4 siblings, while my other 2 brothers are in a bind. One brother 19yrs has been recently diagnosed schizophrenic and is in hospital , but will need a place to stay for medicine monitoring purposes.The 19yr old has always been independent and working until this occured and was living with a roomate. So he isn't a bum, just needs a little support for managing his life.
2007-09-26 20:40:27 · 13 answers · asked by Muslimah S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depression - as you know from assisting and looking after your hubby can be an unintentionally selfish disorder. Although, if you say you are at the other end of the issues then it doesnt really explain why hubby isnt allowing you to support your brother.
You should be comended for your care and support to your family members including your husband. Perhaps giving your husband a timeline for your brother staying may help. Perhaps your hubby is concerned for mental illness being brought up in his face again?
I wish you every success with your situation and hope you can come to some sort of decision that suits everyone. Remember to look after yourself too.....it would seem you are the "glue" holding the pieces together.
2007-09-26 20:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Having one person with a mental illness as serious as depression is more than enough for you... Taking on a schizophrenic and in your own home is going to be a HUGE undertaking and I can't stress that enough. Present the idea to your husband in a nicer way that "My brother needs a place to stay.." make it clear that since you will be helping your brother out that your brother won't just be a bum that he'll go to school or get a job or do something productive. Also remind your husband that his family is functional and yours is not. Remind him that you have the opportunity to at least have a somewhat functional relationship with someone from your family.
2007-09-26 21:01:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was married for 23 years and didn't have a Mother-n-law, and feel very thankful. I know some people have great ones. I'm sorry to hear about yours . But i do have back stabbing experience from someone that I assumed thought more highly of me than that . I hope you don't mind me saying, but even God knew how in-laws could be because He said for a man to leave his father and mother and cleve to his wife . And regarless of how you feel about bible stuff, that's a strong piece of advice . Seperate your selves from her . Don't let her in on your business . See, sometimes people want to give us money for manipulative purposes . She has no doubt told everyone she did that to achieve something for herself . The problem won't go away without your Husbands co-operation though . There is nothing wrong with pointing a person into the direction of minding their own business . And that's what you need to accomplish . Don't let the money she gave you hold you hostage . It sounds to me like it would be a better idea for your children not to have family things with her for a while , because they no doubt feel the situation . And there isn't anyone worse to hang with than someone with two faces . So this is my advice . Your mother-n-Law is bored . She isn't a happy person, and that is why she decided to make your life hers . You are something for her to do and talk about . And true to a manipulator ,she has made herself the center of your life . And she knows it . The whole idea is that whether you work or don't work is not her business. And it seems like you and your husband chat to much of your buisness with her . To be manipulated is something you've allowed . I'm not saying to cut her out of your life , just cut her out of your business . It's not going to be easy . Nothing that we know we need to fix concerning someone else is . I think truth is very important right now . if she gets nosy, then tell her the truth . You could say ,we have decided not to talk about ' whatever it is ' because I have noticed a resentment welling up in you . You know, just be honest with your feeling , because honesty will change things. It might look negitive to begin with, but it'll leave some good results . I promise . You are going to have to take control back .
2016-05-19 22:08:36 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, your husband is dealing with depression. The *last* thing he needs is another person who is dealing with other people who will bring stress into his life, especially your brother who is schizophrenic. I know you want to help out your family, but you have to take care of your husband first. And, if he feels that your relatives will set him back in his progress, then he has that right. Sure, you guys are doing better, but you are not 100%. And introducing these stressors will impede his progress. There's nothing to say that you can't help find another place for your relatives to live, though.
2007-09-26 20:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by lordmisrule2004 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've escaped a life, with your families propblems!?!? Sounds as if you have a good life going on! Why would you think about bringing more problems into your marriage with the people you left!! Bad family members will put yur marriage to the END!! I went threw the same thing, after they all milked us for several years, she left to go back to them, because I wouldn't, I took my kids &left forever, she or her family haven't changed at all, we (kids&i) have seen them in 15 yrs, and no plans to.. FORGET YOUR FAMILY !!! ENJOY YOUR NEW HUSBAND
2007-09-26 22:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I have a pretty dysfuntional family, but he comes from a functional one. " I think he may be trying to KEEP it that way. Dysfunctional patterns are hard to break. Maybe take his lead on this. Find your bro another place to stay. I agree with your husband on this one.
2007-09-27 03:34:15 · answer #6 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid I might feel the same as your husband....he's suffering from deppression and your brother has a serious mental illness....it would be too much.
To have someone with serious problems in your home would be very disrupting and he's not in the best shape anyway.
2007-09-26 20:47:24 · answer #7 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what stage your husband is at with his depression. If he is still at a delicate stage you do NOT want a schizophrenic and a depressed person living together. Lets just say they could spur eachother on. NOT GOOD.
2007-09-26 21:31:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey
Well .......your hasband is right with not having anybody at home, but on the other hand have you asked him How would he act if it happened to his family member ?
You guys need to find some way out . For how long would you like your to stay with you ? May be for a couple of weeks ?!?!?
2007-09-26 21:21:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No he is probally just trying to protect you from a lot of hard work and trouble you and he will go through trying to help your brother, and more to the point it's your husbands house so it's his rules....TOUGH NOUGHY
2007-09-26 20:45:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋