My father in law has just told my husband that he has been seeing someone for the past year and that she will be moving into his new home with him. Now my husbands mother only died of cancer 2 years ago and it is her money that he is living on and that paid for the house that he is living in. They were married for 16 years. Pardon me but myself, I would wait alot longer to find a partner again, wouldn'y you. Frankly it is disgusting I think.
2007-09-26 19:16:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your opinion and approval should not come into this.
Your father-in-law lost HIS partner of 16 years and now is trying to get on with HIS life. The money you refer to was not his deceased wife's, it was theirs and now it is HIS.
How long he should wait depends on the individual, in his case he obviously feels he needs someone in his life and he has found someone he is happy with.
As family it is your job to Support him and Respect (you don't need to approve) HIS decision.
Please separate your feelings from this as he is still your father-in-law and deserves his family to support him even IF this decision proves to be a mistake.
2007-09-27 12:09:54 · answer #1 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, if she died 2 years ago and he's been seeing the woman for about a year, then he waited around a year before going out. And he waited another year before asking the woman to move in with him. What is wrong with that?
If he went through the cancer with his wife, watching her suffer, then why isn't he entitled to seek a little happiness for himself now?
And what difference does it make that it was your husband's mother who provided the money that your father-in-law lives off? If she had lived and he died, would you begrudge her having the money? Or were you hoping more would have found its way to you? Is this really about the new woman or the money? Were you hoping that when he died that money would come to you, and his having another woman might put paid to that? If so that is a really sorry state of affairs, and shame on you!
2007-09-26 20:00:19 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two years is a long enough time, at least not scandalous at all. The man suffered also emotionally when his wife had cancer and after her death.
Often the marriage is over emotionally while the other person is critically ill. Try not to be judgmental. Your father-in-law is not wrong.
As for the living together, it may not be morally right, but he might actually want to get married. It would be for him to decide anyway.
Nobody can say how long is long enough for new relationships or marriage after the loss of a spouse. Only the widowed person knows.
2007-09-26 19:26:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no laws that prohibit a man from getting marriage as long as he is qualified, and marrying another 2 yrs after becoming a widow is not against any belief. In your case, you are thinking of the consequences that might happen to your in-laws, you felt insecure or disgusted. about the situatfion, but there's nothing you can do.
If the relationship between your family and your in-laws is mutual, i don;t see any reason why we should act as shield for him to find his happiness. He is living a different world than yours, Let us give him a break
2007-09-26 19:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by raphael adevera 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but after 2 years it is okay to move on. I know your husband and yourself may feel bitter. But his father needs love too. Sometimes you fall in love and you can't help it. I know it may hurt your feelings, but it should make you feel better that he is moving on with his life. It is not healthy to be miserable and cry for 2 years. He has had his grieving period, and I'm sure his wife of 16 years will always have a very special place in his heart and was also the mother of his children. How dare you be selfish and suggest that he is bad for falling in love again!
2007-09-26 19:40:19 · answer #5 · answered by yomama23 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
2 years is quite a respectable amount of time to wait before getting into a serious relationship. As for the money issue, if they were married, it was their money, not just hers. If she wanted it any other way she would have stipulated that in a will. I don't know the circumstances of their marriage, but it's actually a compliment to your mother-in-law that he wants to get into another relationship. Studies have shown that if a marriage is a good one, the surviving spouse is more likely to try to capture that same feeling with someone else.
2007-09-26 19:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by Beckers 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Clearly your husband's father is looking to replace the empty space that was left when his wife died. But personally, I don't think I could live in the same house, much less have another woman move in with me two years after my wife died. If for some reason my wife and I divorced, or heavin forbid she died, I honestly don't see myself getting into another serious relationship. I would date, and I would see other women, but the last thing in the world I would do is move another woman into my house within 2 years of my wife passing away. I agree, that's just wrong.
COOL STORY: before my wife and I got married, we met a woman who showed us some yachts that we were thinking about using for our ceremony. She smiled and said that being married was wonderful. We asked how long her and her husband had been married, as she had a picture of him on her desk. She smiled and said 38 years, but added that he died several years ago. But she insisted that she was STILL married to him. She still wore her ring, she was still in love with him, and that she made a lifelong commitment to him. I thought that was nothing less than extrordinary.
2007-09-26 19:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why? He clearly mourned for a year, before meeting this woman. She may be very nice and understanding about the situation. So I think you are jumping to conclusions and also I think you have no say in the matter. After all it is not your parent, nor your money Your MIL left it to you FIL end of story.
Also you do not know what your MIL has said to him before she died.
If I were the wife I would have told my partner to make sure he'd be happy again as his happiness is important to me. I would not be there to witness it.
I think you are being selfish This man has fought with his wife, seen her fade away and has found some hapiness again. Be joyeous and happy for him
2007-09-26 21:20:43 · answer #8 · answered by MissE 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your father-in-law is lonely and wants female companionship, however, I don't think too highly of people "living together" no matter what the age. Your mother evidently named him beneficiary and she made that decision based on her love for him and not necessarily on his love for her. I think you and your husband need to respect her decision to leave him what she had, even though you don't agree with what he's doing with it. He started going through the grief process the moment he found out she had cancer and from what you said, he grieved her passing for a year before he felt comfortable seeing someone else.
2007-09-26 20:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it kind of depends on the husband's personality and the new woman's personality. If she's into his money, then she's as bad as she is, but I guess if they are really into each other, he has the right to find love again. Personally, if the person I loved died, I think it would be a lot MORE than 2 years before I could move on again, no matter how great the guy is.
2007-09-26 19:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋