Should I leave while he's at work (cowardly)? Or talk it out with him (it would be very bad and he'll stop me from taking the baby). How should I best prepare myself?
2007-09-26 19:11:29 · 20 answers · asked by Miranda2222 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wonder why you are leaving. If things are really bad and not able to be fixed, then yes leave while he is at work. leave a note and tell him you will call him sometime soon so he can see the baby. Don't tell him where you're going though, at least not until things cool off. If you ahave been fighting for the strength to leave, then you can't let him know where you are right away. He will try to convince you back. Stick to your guns and do what you think is good for you and your baby. Just make sure before you leave, you know in your heart of hearts that it's truly over and there is no chance in saving your marriage.
Make sure to take your hygiene things, your clothes, whatever furniture was yours before you got together, take your baby's clothes, furniture, and whatever else the baby needs. Good luck
2007-09-26 19:29:09 · answer #1 · answered by yomama23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not put you or your child in harm's way. It may look cowardly to others but it is the smart thing to do. Get what you need. The law will accompany you to gather anything else you want out of your home within 30 days in most states. Get clothes & toiletries for both you and your baby. Enough for a few days at least. I don't know if you are going to your parents' home, a shelter or where. You may want to ask them what you'll need. Any cash you can get your hands on right now would be great.
2007-09-26 19:19:44 · answer #2 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you don't specify why you are wanting to leave him, I would ask a family member or a friend you can trust to be with me when I left. Also, short of physically restraining you, there is nothing he can do to prevent you from leaving and taking the baby with you. If you think he would become violent towards you, then you need to seek help from local law enforcement. If he wants custody of the child, he can always go to court and try to gain it, however, he would have to prove you an unfit mother, and that's very hard to do. The courts almost always award custody to the mother unless they have evidence that it would not be in the best interests of the child to stay with her; for example, if they had evidence that you have or may harm your child or put him/her in danger. God bless!
2007-09-26 19:43:27 · answer #3 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last thing you should do is run, that will make him angry and the conflict will be multiplied. Is it possible to sit down with him and talk things through? It doesn't mean you have to stay together but there is a child involved who really is the biggest priority.
If it is a violent situation then notify police and they will help you move out with your child to safer grounds, but if your husband is a normal non violet person then just explain things to him straight.
Break ups involving children are the hardest and there is no easy way out because they are part of your life forever and it is not fair to rob your child of a parent.
Talk to the person who is closest to you for support and maybe let them know when you are going to tell him your leaving so they are prepared to help you if and when you need it.
Good luck and i wish you and you child happiness :)
2007-09-26 19:21:01 · answer #4 · answered by pardygirl23 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Is there abuse present?
If not, consider getting into couples therapy... you can make great strides with a professional referee to help you find common ground.
If there is abuse present, I would suggest pulling together a few boxes in an out-of-the-way place, then waiting until he is out of the house, then packing as much as you can of the most immediately important supplies and clothing.
I also suggest taking any kind of financial statements you can find (to refer to in the divorce case - you get 1/2 of all assets accrued during the marriage).
Plunder the bank account after you leave the house and then go home to mama to fill out forms for filing divorce. Get a DIY divorce guide for your state at the local new book store.
If he is really abusive in a monstrous way, you may have to consider other action... contact the local women's center for legal help, as in a restraining order.
2007-09-26 19:31:45 · answer #5 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already tried to work things out and it didn't work... then leave when he's not there.
If yo are legally married, I also suggest you do things legally... you don't want to be accused of anything. Maybe go to one of those free legal counseling services for battered women. Perhaps you guys can do a legal separation.
If you really decide to go... take all the important papers... like birth certificates, passports, marriage license, social security cards, bank information, loan information, pictures, anything that you would get if there was a fire.
Get clothing for you and your young child. If you can get all your stuff (clothing wise) out, then do it. Don't forget your jewelry or jackets... and a couple of your child's toys.
Just remember that if you do decide to leave, you really do leave. Don't be going back and forth into the relationship. It won't be good for you or for your child. You do no want to put yourselves through that. Your child comes first now, not you... but do what's right for both of you.
Lot's of luck to you and your child.
2007-09-26 19:31:48 · answer #6 · answered by iwish4love 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you decide to leave your husband, he still has a right to his child. so leaving while he is at work with your child is not the best thing to do. you need to be an adult and talk to him and let him know you wanna leave. he might agree for you to take the baby since he is working, but dont do it behind his back. maybe if you talk to him and open up about how you wanna leave then maybe you can stick to your vows and stay and work it out
2007-09-26 19:41:50 · answer #7 · answered by LuckyMama06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't confront him one on one. You must have friendly witnesses with you. First talk to Child Protective Services, or a family lawyer or both, in your state to find out what could happen (to you legally) if you take the baby secretly and hide from your husband (apart from enraging him and endangering yourself more)... to decide if that should really be an option.
Whatever online advice you get from us strangers, be sure to talk in person with people you trust and who know the ropes, and will remember/record your situation as it develops and your actions.
Some men losing wife and child through unexpected deception become hazardous company.
2007-09-26 19:29:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all do you know where to go? and do you have support from family and friends if anything goes haywire? Don't abandon him..because that will put more fire in what your're already doing..Talk it like adults and he will respect you and make peace..Or risk it and be on COPS for running away with his kid..He can report you for kidnapping and get his revenage at court.So if I WE'RE you be a WOMEN and be a ADULT and make your demands and if he does not meet them than just leave because his been told..Better safe than sorry.I was abandon my mother left me at 7 yrs old and my father was rarely around.I was rasied by grandmother who passed away..Listen..Once you abandon anyone it gives them DISTRUST and Thinks that everyone is going to leave them too..It is like sick feeling..and I will never forget how it felt..it has made me a untrustworthy of ppl and heartbroken soul..of in lost world..
2007-09-26 19:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything but the smith and wesson
but seriously if hes violent leave when hes out of the house, otherwise talk it out and go through it the proper way. Also have a very large male friend with you if your sneaking away
2007-09-26 19:17:18 · answer #10 · answered by Yuff 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋