I have a 12 year old son who likes to wear his sister's panties and tie his long hair into a pony tail. I'm not too worried, but is this a phase he's going through or should I be more concerned?
2007-09-26 18:41:32 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Your son's behavior is not a "phase" he is going through. He is struggling with his identity as a male, or he is struggling with the sexual changes happening within his body and mind now that he has entered puberty. The honest truth is, he should not be emulating his sister's looks and behaviors; nor should he be handling and wearing his sister's underwear. Your son is in need of parental guidance, especially from his father, if his father is available. If not, a strong and loving uncle or grandfather can help. Do not continue to look the other way when your son behaves this way. Talk with him and help him come to terms with his gender and sexual issues. Please also consider counseling if his behavior continues.
2007-09-27 03:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by souldoctor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, boys wear ponytails too. It is PRACTICAL. He probably isn't doing it because he is gay or something. Just thought i'd point out that there is nothing at all abnormal about a boy having long hair and tying it back, better than letting hang all over his face, yes?
Also, someone said not to let him wear his sister's panties and they are right. It is not really hygienic, let him buy his own underwear at the shops maybe?
It is all perfectly normal what your son is doing, as well. It is possible I suppose that he may be gay, or trans, or bi, or like to cross dress, or ANYTHING. Maybe he just likes the way they look or feel. It is ALL normal, and none of it is wrong or bad in any way. As long as he doesn't hurt other people, then he is doing no harm and nothing wrong. You sound fairly open minded which I am happy to hear, I have gay and trans friends and seeing their families reject them both breaks my heart and enrages me because such bigots do not deserve to even live, let alone have a family.
You son is fine. Maybe have a chat to him though, but please don't be mad if it turns out he is gay etc. Good luck.
2007-09-26 23:14:47 · answer #2 · answered by myleslr 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Many children often are experimental with dress as they grow up. Some like to see what they look like in the underwear of the opposite sex, some like the feel of the underwear of the opposite sex, but then some really have problems with their own sexual identity and orientation.
At thirteen, this certainly would be behavior that would make most adults concerned. You need to get to the root of his behavior, why he is doing this.
Best you ask him delicately why he likes to dress this way, how he feels about it. You say nothing of the father in his life, which may also give a lot of information. Is his father present in his life, or absent??? Often gay men had no father figure in their life as they were growing up. Sexual identification and orientation is VERY complex.
You have an opportunity to guide your son through this problem. Speak with your pediatrician about his behavior.
I am fairly sure your pediatrician will refer him to further counselling. Do not drop the ball on this problem. This is a time when he needs your input, esp. since he has told you he likes to wear sister's panties.
There are free counselling services to help children who are struggling with this problem. You can call local Health Department to ask what agencies do this for free.
2007-09-26 19:02:47 · answer #3 · answered by sweetstlouiswoman 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The pony tail wouldn't bother me that much but I don't know about the underwear. Have you asked him why he would rather wear his sister's panties? Maybe he finds his own ugly or uncomfortable or quite old-fashioned. If that's the case, you can take him on a trip to the store and let him choose whatever he likes from the men's department.
2007-09-26 18:47:07 · answer #4 · answered by petyado 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would see if you can buy him his own panties so he stops wearing his sister's. Beyond that talk with him about why he does it and what he "gets" from wearing them. He may just like the excitement of the sexuality of wearing panties.
Whatever his reason, they're just underwear in the end and he's not hurting anyone, so don't worry about it too much. He may stop doing, he may not, but he's not hurting anyone.
2007-09-27 02:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by Greenman 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
at 13, i would be concerned. My littlest brother always liked dressing up with my sister and I, and playing with our dolls, and he's now 16 and has been "out of the closet" for nearly 3 years now. I would try my hardest to have a serious, but understanding talk with him. He's old enough to know the difference, and it sounds like he may be very confused, and or experimental. My mother confided in a gay friend of hers on how to deal with my brother's change in lifestyle. As much as you may not want to believe it, I would seriously consider this as a possibility for your son. Good Luck
2007-09-26 18:49:19 · answer #6 · answered by TMama 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It could be a phase, but the behavior is definitely unusual.
I would certainly discuss it at least with a pediatrician and see if he or she recommends a more specialized consultation.
It is possible he may like the material the panties are made from better than that used in his own underwear, but it sounds more to me that he is acting out some sort of transexual behavior.
2007-09-26 18:49:16 · answer #7 · answered by Warren D 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well mom, while this behavior is unusual, it's normal for boys to try wearing sisters clothes, my son and foster son both liked to put on their mothers under-garments including bra's and strut around the house. If your concerned sit him down in private and talk to him on a mature level. Doing so with love and caring and give him a chance to talk and be heard. You might be shocked but don't let on. Just give him unconditional love.
2007-09-27 02:05:37 · answer #8 · answered by Georgia Preacher 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's most likely just a phase, he may want to try new things etc. I don't think it's appropriate for him to wear his sister's underwear, because personally I wouldn't want anyone wearing mine.
Talk to him about it, keep sexuality an open subject in your household incase he needs to talk to someone about how he's feeling.
2007-09-26 18:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by ★☆✿❀ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its just a phase for him. Buy him his own panties - dont let him borrow his sister's. It may cause infections.
Let him wear panties - if thats what makes him happy. Actually boys briefs and girls panties are almost similar anyway.
2007-09-26 22:06:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋