15 blessed years of marriage and now this? Are we reading too much into and this is merely innocent?

Question

my sister who is a homemaker saved her little money from odd jobs like helping clean homes, babysitting doing whatever to save $ to buy her husband tickets to a pricey comedy show. They have 2 boys 8-10 yr old,rarely do they get to go out due to their income & time,he leaves the show several times to go bathroom, phone calls coming in at midnight the next day he's a cop and works 2nd shift, text messages blowing up his phone the morning after. She asks him casually if everything is ok he says things are great its just work. Women intuition or suspicion whatever you want to call it she checks the phone. Its his female partner from work texting saying " i know you can dance baby " , " i bet your date is boring", " when are we going out again " and so on this is on my sisters special date that shes been killing herself to make happen. She calls phone company on the third day hes been talking to her on a few occasions for over 1hr without her knowledge. She confronts him, he says nothing.

my sister has met her and she is very standoffish. My sister is 31 and her hubby 35 the partner is 22. She knows they are married and met my sister yet she still chooses to call a married man at midnight on more than one occassion. My sister has nothing but adoration, love and respect for her husband. It makes us sick, lol, how she still writes him lovey notes, makes him his favorite dishes all the time and when she speaks of him she says nothing but caring words about him, its almost like in the cartoons when there are hearts coming from out their eyes. Never before this did she doubt her husband and then this. He had no explanation. He said she is imagining all this but phone records dont lie. She isn't against male/female friendships so she is wondering why he is hiding this from her if its nothing. I think its her husbands place to have not let it get this far but the young woman knew she was intruding on a marriage. What do I tell her she should do? It's scary to see this happen.

thank you all for your replies. It makes me cry to see this happening to her. She is the best woman out there never curses, poorer than dirt but will give you her last meal if you were hungry, she treats this man like royalty. I love my brother in law i mean hes like a brother and we have none it breaks my heart. I don't want to give her bad advice and at the end she's the one to live with the decision I just wanted to make sure I wasn't taking only her side. I hope they can work thru this whatever it may have been I just hope he sees this as a wake up call and stops before it gets out of control. Thank you all....

Answer 1

Your question is,I presume is he cheating?I would certainly consider it to be a possibility and your sister needs to confront him with it straight up.If neither affirms or deny's it then he is probably guilty.But that is something they need to work out together and you should not really be part of any decision making.The last thing you want is tension between you and your sister.

Answer 2

Sounds like it is time for marriage counseling so they can slug it out with a professional referee present.

Has she gotten a hold of his cell phone bill yet? She can request records from previous months as well. If there is one number that is extremely prevalent, this would be an indicator.

Remember that a lot of people join the police force to work through their control or authority issues (or not). He probably thinks he is "above the law" and doesn't have to answer to his wife. To some of these, the wife is property... something you have to have to rear your kids and keep house while you chase around.

One thing you might do... stop by the book store and get the latest DIY divorce guide for your state... it boils it all down and makes it simple. A very empowering read.

She might want to also consider collecting copies of financial statements right now... she is entitled to 1/2 of all assets accrued during the marriage, including 401K, IRAs, savings, stocks and whatever else. She will need it to support herself and the kids while she trains for some kind of job.

Answer 3

He sounds just like my husband! I say he's guilty as sin. Fortunately, I don't have to look him in the face everyday or I would probably lose my wonderful disposition, G-D it. I wrote the article just a while ago called "Is Anyone Else's Husband Like Mine?" Check it out and you'll see that your sister and I have a lot in common. I haven't had any affairs in 20 years so I am not what some said I was. I also try to make my hubby's life at home an exceptional experience when he is here, as he has to travel so much for work. I hate to say it, but my own hubby is a dog and so is your brother-in-law. I think I've decided to treat him like one, then. This should be interesting and entertaining for me ;-)

Answer 4

Truly just be there for her. Be her rock, But DON 'T get involved. It has got nothing to do with you. stay awayfrom it and just be her support if she needs you. This is her journey and not yours. Your job as a sister is to simply be there as a unconditional support for her. Don't get involved in their fifteen year marriage. You could make things worse. No offence to you, just don't go there. What will be will be. If her husband is having an affair it will come out. It always does. But let it be her finding not yours. All the best to your sister and you for being a caring supportive sister. :-)

Answer 5

try to make consistent journeys to the library along with your youngsters, a minimum of with those which are ancient ample get them their possess libray card. in case your 15 12 months ancient has a favourite Movie that's founded on a e-book, then allow them to learn the e-book, the e-book continually has way more fascinating stuff than the film, i.e Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen is a excellent creator, or in case your 15 12 months ancient is a Boy, perhaps he likes the Star Wars films, have him learn the books, there are a host of them available in the market. i dont know the way ancient your entire youngsters are, however after they entire a e-book perhaps you would make a chart on poster board so they may be able to sort of SEE it written down, or have them each and every write a brief essay or whatever on how they preferred the e-book and feature the children each and every get to play "trainer" and grade each and every others paper. or after they conclude the e-book have them write a couple of paragraphs on another finishing to the e-book than the only that's already written, so that they can support them construct up their imaginations too! pleased Reading !

Answer 6

Well best thing is to tell him, or ask him who is more important to him your sister or his partner. But if she has to just get in touch with his partner nd ahve a nice long talk about whats going on. But try to see why her husband is evading the question and telling her it's nothing because if it is nothing why is she texting him.

Answer 7

Maybe is time to revaluate marriage. To see what´s next. She doesn´t need that in her life, she need support and love after all 15 yrs is not a short period of time. He needs to talk and she has to make him understand real values in their life. Talking and understanding, maybe some therapy, there is no magic recipes for a "in danger marriage".
But in fact it can be saved if she leads to it..Smart moves that´s what it takes..soft and smart, when she gets into the crying and screaming starts loosing something. Don´t!----

Answer 8

After having experienced a very similar female work situation I'm so sure he is at least cheating emotionally. We know what comes next. Be there for your sister. This will be an extremely painful time for her.

Answer 9

Unless this is your situation and not your sister's - 'blessed' may not be an accurate description. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. He may have been unhappy for a very long time. His partner spends a lot of time with him, they talk to pass time, you run out of subjects and eventually get to the deeper stuff.

If he was getting attention from the partner that he wasn't getting from his wife it might have only seemed natural to reach out for it in his mind. I'm not defending him, don't get me wrong. But there are three sides to this story. His side, her side and the truth.

He doesn't want to hurt her and confirm her suspicion because he hasn't made up his mind which direction he is going in yet. While it seems immature, it is reality.

Answer 10

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it is likely a cheating husband. He may not have crossed the line yet physically, but it is getting too deep...