I'm A Great Dad In A Dead End Marriage?

Question

I've been marriage 26yrs,right out of H.School. We have children, and I haven't been happy for many many years. My kids don't know,they don't, but I am torn between being a father who doesn't want to hurt his children and me wanting to find someone else. I am asking for advise from only those who have been or are in my lonely and sad position.

Answer 1

Try this book- "the five love languages" by Gary Chapman. My fiance and I just had to read it for premarital counseling with our pastor before he marries us. It seriously might help you and your wife. This guy has helped many unhappy married couples-good and bad. According to the book, your "love tank" is empty.... you and your wife may not be speaking one another's love language- physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation or receiving gifts. You may not realize you both have different love languages, so you need to find out which one is yours and which is your wife's.... then out of love for one another, attempt to do things to fulfill each other's love language. You'll start to notice once she say spends more quality time with you that you start giving her more physical touch, or the other way around.... for example. Then you both will be happier with one another.
I'm not really one to read books, but this book was awesome, and it's for my marriage, so I'd read anything if it was supposed to help. Turned out, I do wish every couple had to read this book!

Divorce is tough- especially after so many years of being married. My mom divorced my dad a couple of yrs ago, and they had been together almost 25 yrs. I was 23 at the time, and it was VERY hard on me- even being an adult. My mom raised me to believe that marriage was forever, and here she went and divorced my dad with no real reason she could give to me-or my dad for that matter. I feel she should have worked harder to make it work, but she didn't, she ended it and that was it.... I differ - I feel marriage IS forever, and divorce shouldn't be an option unless something really terrible happened. But if you read this book and still feel sad after giving it a try, if you can't seek counseling, I wouldn't want to see you still sad and lonely- I don't wish that upon anyone.

Good luck. And if you do divorce, it will hurt your children no matter what age. I still have a hard time with it even after it's all done... my mom has custody of my younger siblings, and she controls the whole thing too much- it's not a good situation for my dad.

Answer 2

married for 26 years, i can only assume your kids are grown or close to it so you are not staying with your wife for the kids sake? It is a shame that families have now become so disposable. Know one wants to work at it until death does them part. It is amazing you two lasted this long since you were married at such a young age. I guess you have exhausted all resources, i.e counseling? If it is futile then you may want to move on. It will probably cost you a fortune but can you put a price tag on happiness?. But you know the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

After 26 years of marriage there isn't anything you love her for? You have raised children and made memories together....My grandparents divorced after 35 years of marriage. It devastated my family (granted he left her for another woman so it was a little different). Everyone has a right to be happy, but think it through first. What will your wife do when you leave? How will you manage splitting time with your family? Will you really be happier?

Answer 4

Being married does not mean that you are in a position to be a good dad. You can be a good single dad too. I have a five year old and recently divorced in January of this year. Things have been harder due to circumstances but if you keep your child informed of your feelings regarding your situation and the importance of your happiness and how it effects them in the long run I am sure you will be just fine. It's a hard thing to think about because things seem complicated at first but you can do it. Do what's right for your heart and mental health.

Answer 5

If you have done all that you can to try and make your marriage work...and it still is a dead end for you....don't waste anymore time in your marriage...kids have a way of finding out mom and dad aren't happy. They are much better off with parents that are divorced and happy than they are with both parents co existing without any love for one another.

Answer 6

Unless your wife commits adultery you have no valid reason for divorce. Remember your wedding vows? For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death do us part. Or does your word have no value or meaning?

What kind of example will you be setting for your children? If you break your vows?

See if there is something you can do to help repair your marriage. You can change what you are doing and sometimes that changes your partner. Seek marriage counseling go by yourself if your wife won't go. See what you can do to make your marriage better.

Have courage, you can do it.

Answer 7

Marriage is not a straight road to happiness. You have to work hard to keep a marriage in good shape. You are going to have your ups and downs. You didn't say that you don't love your wife, only that you are unhappy. Think long and hard before you give up something that only needs a little work.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear of your situation. I guess I know how you feel. In my previous marraige I stayed for the kids, not a good idea. I did not want my kids to hurt, and sure, we as adults can take pain more than they can. However, you do need to be happy and satisfied with your marriage. I say, move on, be gentle and loving with your kids and explain to them that you want to be happy too.
Good Luck
if you need a friend - email me.

Answer 9

I can say do not wait. My thought was that I would wait till my youngest was finished with high school.. That was 8 years ago. I really feel stuck, like I am in prison. Now I have medical problems and he has the medical insurance. I am still trying to figure out what to do.

Answer 10

If your kids are grown, it would be ok to move on. If they are still in school, you really should stay until they are on their own.
It is really hard on kids for their parents to split up and it's not a good idea to break up a family unless one parent is abusive, adulterous or doing something illegal. If you are lonely, sometimes a pet can help get you through tough times.
Seeking happiness by finding another person is not all it's cracked up to be.