when my husband and i get into a big fight he always tell me to leave am i doing it wrong?

Question

when my husband tells me to leave i ask if he wants to be with me if you dont the i'll go he says he loves me but cant stand to be with me right now. we have been married for 4 and a half years and have a 4 year old daughter and hearing that just because i made him mad he cant stand to be with me it hurts so bad. i have gotten so tired of it the last time he said it i started packing me and my daughters thing and when he calmed down he came and talk to me and said sorry will u forgive me and i said i forgave u every other time i just cant this time it hurts to much. am i wrong not to forgive him i feel i am but i cant change the way it makes me feel

Answer 1

you two need to grow up and get it together; you cannot be fighting like that and jerking that little girl around; it scares a child to hear her parents fight, then you are mad and start packing your stuff up.........if you don't want to live like this, then change it! Quit fighting or leave him; you can change the way it makes you feel; only you have the power and control over how you will live.....but grow up you have a child to think of now!

Answer 2

Wow that sounds exactly like me and my husband. Well u already know u say some nasty things out of anger (I do too) but what u need to do is try to control that. Tell him ur sorry and that u love him. If he doesn't want to hear it than just give him some space, he''ll come to u when he's ready to talk about it and when he does maybe u two can agree to some counselling? If not than talk about what it is that makes u guys get angry and try to not do those things. Fights are the foundation of love. Every marri age has its ups and downs and lots of fights. At the end of the day love wins. U too can work it out cause u guys love eachother very much. Hang in there and best of luck

Answer 3

I am with a man just like that....
He tells me to leave him alone or "let it go" and says that hes cant stand me -he explains later that je means he cant stand me or dont like me at that moment. However he always has an issue with the Love word -which its good that your husband can say it.
What you need to do is WALK AWAY -when he needs his space -you can act mad -but just dont say anything to him -except "FINE!" -the do what he wants -leave the room and go do something with your daughter -try not to focus on the arguement that just took place -this is hard I know -but the more you think about it the more crap your mind will come up with that will only add to your own frustration and later to his when you do get around to talking. Remember with Men to keep the conversation short and to the point -men dont like long drawn out conversations -those kind always turn into what he'll call an arguement -not worth it -believe me. You need to learn to read his body language when you discussing something with hi that when he's had enough "listening" he ends up only getting angry -keep it short. Men need time to think and process what you tell them -so never expect to solve an issue every time right away. This is hard for women -i know - we like closure and security. But he will come around. let him ponder awhile -a day or so then if he has not said anything to you -if its still needs an answer -then mention it. He says he loves you so - remember that and take your time with allowing him to come to you.

Answer 4

I am going to make a suggestion, the next time he tells you to leave, pack a small suitcase for you and your baby and leave. Doesn't matter if he comes an tell you he is sorry. Just leave and go to a friend's home, or a parent's home, or even a hotel room. Stay away from him without even calling him for at least three days. On the third day call him and tell him where you are, tell him that you thought he needed to know where his child was. Pretend you don't care. He is going to crawl back to where you are and ask you to forgive him. And you are going to play hard to get. tell him that you don't think he means it, tell him that the only way you are going to go back is if he promises not to ever tell you to leave again. I guarantee you that he is not going to do it, if he really loves you and cares for you. Regarding the baby, you should never argue in front of a child, it hurts them, even if they are babies, it really leaves emotional scars for the rest of their lives. Good luck.

Answer 5

What's the deal with you two fighting in front of your 4-year-old? Is it like a game you play having your husband tell you to leave, you packing and then, him asking your forgiveness and begging you to stay? Very unhealthy and confusing for your daughter to be living with two adults who act more like kids than she does, probably.

Answer 6

Your husband is a immature, abusive idiot! Next time he asks you to leave, pack your stuff and go to your mom's house for a few days. Give him a taste of what divorce life would really be like. Come back only when he begs you back. Then tell him, if you ever say it again, I'll be gone for good.

Answer 7

Have you tried counselling? you may be doing something that causes the fight without knowing it, something he resents, or perhaps he is, but it sounds also like he needs a lot of self confidence perhaps. His not being to stand being with you may be his way of sulking, and you leaving in his mind may be reinforcing his belief that he deserves that from you.
On the other hand, he may be torn between you and someone else you don't know about but either way, counselling should help!

Answer 8

What he is saying to you is manipulative. If he really doesn't want you to leave (and it doesn't sound like he does), he shouyld not be making such an emotionally charged statement just to get ahead in a fight. You have to make a stand so he understands how serious his statement is. The person whom you are most hurting is your little girl. If she has to deal with the possibility of her family being torn apart every time you disagree with your husband, you are guaranteeing an emotionally damaged child, and an adult with years of therapy ahead of them.

Answer 9

I'm right there with you. I know that holding on to old hurts just stresses me out, but really, if I can't be angry over someone mistreating me, how am I supposed to stand up for myself? Your married and that means that fighting should be safe. Not "agree with me or get the heck out." You should be thankful that he is packing a bag for your daughter. My husband tell me to get out and to have fun paying a lawyer to try to see my kids. (that's totally delusional on his part and I know it) I don't really mean that you should be thankful, I'm just trying to make a point. He's the one that would suffer. He makes you suffer because he doesn't think you'll carry through. I think you should either take the bags and go or when he apologizes and sucks up next time, make him promise to go to counseling. Then he can learn some fair-fighting tactics.

Answer 10

first of all, why do YOU have to be the one to leave? you say you have a 4 year old daughter together and you have to be the one to pack up the baby and LEAVE? oh no, don't do that! MAKE HIM LEAVE! you don't have to take it, the way he treats you. kick him to the curb. throw all of his stuff outside and lock the door. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! let him know it's NOT okay to treat you like that. if he won't leave, sleep in the baby's room until you can find something reasonable to do, someplace safe to go. keep a phone close to you just in case, but honey, don't let him treat you like this.....you're better than that.