How do I make my husband understand that he is MY husband & our SONs father and not MOMMYs son anymore?

Question

I'm having some issues with my MIL (she's controlling and acts like she has more rights to my one year old than I do, lets her son get away with hitting my baby, and most recently ruined my sons bday party by pretty much refusing to let anyone hold him, kept sneaking off with him alone, and even said that SHE was going to help him open his presents!) OKay, so my husband agrees that this is all crazy, but won't talk to her. I can't seem to get him to understand where his responsibilities lie.. not with her, but with US. It's like he's afraid to confront her. I've already confronted her once (the last time her seven year old hurt my son) and haven't been back over to let her see her grandson, so now I feel it's his turn. He needs to stand up and be a man and back me up, am I wrong?

No, it's not my husband hitting my son, it's my husbands seven year old little brother. Should have clarified that! sorry.

Answer 1

We all been through the mother in-law thing and one thing i have learned over the years is to leave it alone it will run it's course and everything will be fine. Just let it go no matter how hard you try or say he won't take your side if it means going against his mother or hurting his mothers feelings.He will hurt your feelings before his own mother you should understand that if you don't then you have a lot to learn about mother and son. Wait until your son gets older and see how you are I bet you will be the same way,I know my son and i are close and he takes up for me no matter what or who it is.

Answer 2

Oh yes...I feel ya! My MIL isn't too far off from that. Since I got PREGNANT she has acted like she is being slided as a grandmother. Seriously, this woman wouldn't even speak to me when I was pregnant because she had decided that I wasn't going to give her enough time with her grandchild. Then when my son was born she sat around a cried (while I was begging her to come visit) and going on to my husband about how she's not welcome. At my son's baptism NO ONE else got to hold him because we were all so worried about hurting her feelings. My husband didn't want to say anything either. After the baptism thing I just decided to do things the way I want and if she doesn't like it than she can get over it! I won't bend over backwards for her pitty parties and it has taken a year, but she has finally (somewhat) got that through her head. I say if she doesn't care about your feeling...quit worrying about hers. If your husband won't say it, than say it yourself. What do you have to loose? Things can't get any worse right?

Answer 3

no, you are right. You will have to bear the majority of the parental authority for a while yet, but do not back off. Your MIL is off in the head and should not be around your baby alone. EVER. If your husband will not help you, do it yourself. YOU are the mother and have all first rights toward your son. If MIL allows him to be in danger, refuse her any contact. If your husband hits him again, you need to have his a$$ arrested for child abuse. One year olds don't need beatings, just instruction. Good luck with those two.

Answer 4

You are not wrong to want him to stand up to his mother...but it isn't likely that he will...he is afraid of her for some reason.....she is controlling and manipulative...Seems you either are going to have to accept that this is the way it will be and you will not get the support you need from your husband....and it will be up to you to monitor your MIL around your son. Or you can just say to h*ll with your husband and his mother and leave him with his mommy for good.

Answer 5

You are so right - it's time for Hubby to stand up and be a man. He's responsible for protecting you and your son, even if that means standing up to his mommy. As for what your MIL is doing, DON'T STAND FOR IT! Trying to be Second Mom to your son is unacceptable. If anyone had told me I couldn't hold my own son, I would have snatched him right out of her hands and she showed her the door. My MIL is a doll who respects the fact that I am my son's mom, but other in - laws like to meddle and overstep their bounds. Tell your husband either he stands up to her, or the time you and your son spend with your MIL is going to be VERY limited. Then, the two of you need to talk to her in a mature fashion. Tell her how much you appreciate all she does for your son (even if you really don't), but YOU are her mother and she has to respect that. If not, she won't be a big part of Junior's life. We recently had to have the same talk with one of my in - law's, and believe it or not, it worked. And remember to hold your ground - if she oversteps, tell her no more seeing Junior until she starts respecting you. Your son may be young, but I can guarantee he senses that the authority shifts when Grandma is around. Good luck!

Answer 6

You and your husband need to present a united front and agree on some healthy boundaries. If he is not listening, drag him to a few counseling sessions for couples. Maybe then he will listen to the counselor and realize his role in the problem.
Try going somewhere else for some birthdays and holidays to give your self a little peace.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

Some people just need to get a life. Your mother-n-law should not stick her nose where it doesn't belong. And your husband...well, he's been put between a hard place and a rock (or the other way around) 'cause this IS his mother (unfortunately). He needs to know that you will talk to his mother and back you up in whatever you decide to tell her in order to make her stop invading your privacy and disrespecting you. You need to stand up for yourself and defend what's yours. Don't expect your husband to fight for you, just expect him to give you his support and agree with your demands.

Answer 8

Since your husband wont have a talk with his mom i think that it would be best for you to try and talk with her, after all she is his grand mother but she is over bearing, your husband agrees that this is all crazy but he is not doing anything about his mom because he doesnt want to hurt her feelings, You belive that you should come first but this is the woman who gave birth to him its not that easy for him. Your refusing to let her come over and see the baby maybe you should allow her to come over and have a nice talk with her with your husband present and dont let him know about it than he will have to say something,

best of luck

Answer 9

Your husband is not going to stand up and be a man and back you up on this.....the problem you have is with your husband not your MIL....

I lived that hell for 7 years before I divorced the nancypants!

Answer 10

Britney i'm so sorry to take heed to that! I do understand and fully sympothize in the place you're coming from because of the fact I too grow to be in a undertaking like that. My MIL in no way enjoyed me relationship her son much less enjoyed the reality that we've been given engaged and have been given married because of the fact of our age distinction. earlier I got here alongside his mom and something of his family members have been so use to seeing him on a every day foundation and doing issues mutually yet they in no way ought to appreciate that as quickly as we've been given married why all of that had to alter. Britney, I placed up with diverse b/s from my mil and one evening she got here visiting to my living house and picked a combat with me and admitted that she grow to be attempting to interrupt us up so she could have her son lower back. it incredibly is the place I had to entice the line because of the fact my husband grow to be a lot like yours: "a moma's boy." It grow to be that evening I instructed my husband that he had a option to make and that it grow to be the two his moma or us yet that he could not have the two. it is been approximately 4 yrs now and our marriage is going large. seem, your husband is in the incorrect and could placed his mom in her place. in spite of everything he married you, not his moma! attempt speaking to him and factor out the failings that she says or does to you that drives you loopy and if he isn't keen to pay attention or take action then evaluate leaving him reason you do not deserve that, nor does that toddler.