Well this is goin to be hard to explain but ill make as short and simple as i can. My mom and dad Seperated about a year+ ago, But they are not legally seperated. And My dad left but my mom stayed with me and my sister. And my dad started dating My moms bestfriend. Today my mom n her are not friends tho. Well my mom is still inlove with my dad and will take him back whenever! And my dad says he is over my mom and is moving on with his life. But heres the proublem the girl my dads with was my moms bestfriend... and my moms bestfriend stole my dad, and after that i didnt like her at all. But my mom got a guy that she is starting to like and im accepting him. And im kinda caught, becuase i want to spend time with my dad alot, becuase i only see him like once a month. But i just dont wanna be around the girl hes with, and i want to accept it but im afraid to accept it. im afraid my mom will get sad that im accepting her after what she did to my family. What should i do?
2007-09-26 13:32:38 · 12 answers · asked by Jackie L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have told my dad how i felt many times, but he never seems to understand that i dont like her. But i would like to be in his life as much as i can. my mom likes me to see my dad as much as i want, it doesnt bother her, but she is afraid of me hangout out with him and my dads gf. and yea my mom and dad were having proublems befor they split up.
2007-09-26 14:15:05 · update #1
As she is only your dad's g/f you are under no obligation to spend time with her , write your dad a letter explaining how you feel about the situation and that you would like when he comes to spend time with you and your sister that he comes alone so your time can be spent well re-establishing the new relationship between you all because its a huge adjustment.
sweety sometimes parents just forget that this effects the kids and they forget that your not just their kids but your people with your own emotions and own feelings on the issues , they tend to look at you like your their little girl so you couldnt possibly understand the situation as deeply as you are.
Communication is the key here for you , you need to be able to share your thought's with your dad without any dis-harmony and if the g/f sticks her 2 cents in then just explain to your dad that she was his choice not yours and that you dont want him choosing you over her but also you dont want him choosing her over you and if he forces visitation between you all in the manner of her being present thats exactly what he's doing.She needs to understand the intensity of what she's done destroying his family and only you can show your dad the light.
Good luck bub and if things get to difficult try to bring an aunt or a grandparent to talk on your behalf to your dad so your not forced into any bad situations.
2007-09-26 14:04:31 · answer #1 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one can steal anyone from anybody, there was something wrong in the relationship that makes that person turn to someone else. Your dad made that decision and I recommend in order to have a relationship with your dad, you don't have to be buddies with her, but just accept her. Your dad chose her but the problem wasn't with you. Your mom and her "best friend" they must have not been the friends they thought they were. Life is short, don't miss out being a part of dad's life. Take it one day at a time. I'm glad your mom is moving on as well. Stay strong and evaluate the whole picture. Do what is best for you in your own heart. I wish you the best.
2007-09-26 14:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by mypeace2you 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life sucks sometimes and this is one of them times. I'm really surprised that you want to see your dad after all he is the one that mess your life up. If i was your mother( I am older enough to be your mother by the way) i would be upset if you went around that woman and your dad. You could see your dad when ever you wanted but she would definitely be off limits. I would tell my dad if i were you that you hate that woman and as far as you was concerned that woman can drop dead.Let this be a lesson to you,never ever turn your back on your so called friends because they will stab you in your back quicker then your enemies will.
2007-09-26 13:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is so easy. Go hang out with dad, be friends with dad's new woman. Just don't' say anything about it in front of your mom. Do the say the other way with mom's new man. Keep your relationship with you dad and his woman between the 3 of you. And keep your relationship with your mom and her man between you 3. It's not hard to do. And when asked about the others by the other just tell whoever that there things they shouldn't ask about and always be polite and respectful Good Luck
2007-09-26 13:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Don't feel that you are obligated to your mom because of your father's affair with her best friend. If you like the other woman, than that's your choice. And if you don't like her, again that's your choice.
Your parents are the adults and they should be the ones handling their own affairs without getting the kids involved.
Have you ever sat down and told your dad how you felt about his cheating and the relationship with his g/f?
Does his g/f know how you feel?
Have you ever gave her a piece of your mind about the incident?
You probably like your mom's b/f because he didn't do anything to initiate the demise of your parents marriage.
2007-09-26 13:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow! You're in a really tough spot! I don't think you have to accept "her", but you do have to accept your own situation. This means that to spend time with your dad, you will have to tolerate her. That doesn't mean you have to be friends with her. You are not responsible for your mom's happiness. Tell both of your parents that you will not be put in the middle. You will have to point it out to them when they're doing it. Remember that they are both your parents and they both still love you no matter what.
2007-09-26 13:41:23 · answer #6 · answered by lambchops5151 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You don't ever have to accept her, and for your mom and as a way to get back at that stupid whore don't ever accept her. Of course you have to accept and love your dad, but not her. And if your dad gets mad, he should've never done that and now he has to accept the fact you don't like her, he brought it upon himself. Just tell your dad, that you want to see him but not with that lady around. He should accomodate you, because he's the one that messed up and that is the least he can do.
2007-09-26 13:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hi Jackie
I am also a stepparent and I know how hard this type of situation is. You should be honest with both your parents about what you need from them right now. If you want time alone with your dad, you have the right to be alone with him. Whoever your parents are dating should respect and listen to your concerns, also.
Good luck with your new life... really it took awhile but now my stepson tells me "you are so cool"....
tell your parents what you need, tho...
hugs from
Antonio
2007-09-26 13:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by Antonio 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your Mom about how you feel. she will understand I don't think she will be hurt or upset she might have some ideas for how to spend time with your dad without his girlfriend. Sometimes we just have to set our foot down even with our parents.....good luck
2007-09-26 13:37:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you just be with your mom and your dad as much as you want; accepting your dad's girlfriend has nothing to do with how much you love your mom; accepting your mom's boyfriend has nothing to do with how much you love your dad.......even though they divorced, they are still your parents and love you just the same as they did before....don't cheat yourself out of a relationship with either of your parents....
2007-09-26 13:37:03 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋