How do we get back together?

Question

My husband and I have been separated for over a year. We both would like to work toward bringing our family and relationship back together?

How can we start?

He is currently involved with someone who has been like a "girlfriend" but he is now running her business...I would like him to eventually cut all ties. Is that unreasonable? It is his current income.

Our separtion came after some horrible events in our lives. There was serious illness (i had cancer, my dad and his mom), death, (his mom) and several other tradgedies. I know they say it brings you closer but I can understand why couple who lose a child usually end up divorced. it's hard. We've had time to reflect.

He says he dreams of us being a family but can't commit because he doesn't know if it is just going back to comfort zone or not.

We are both open to councilling. We just don't know where to start. I just want to move on as a family and he says he needs more time...it's been almost 2 years.

I actually have dated two men since we split up. Our marriage was on the rocks for a couple of years before we made the physical split. When his mom died we both stayed together sort of wondering i think we both didn't want to make a descision at that time.

I have had far more "relationships" than him since we split. I had spent several years being ignored and left alone. He sees that now.

Answer 1

He is keeping you hanging on for one reason he doesn't want to see you with anyone else but it's fine him having a girlfriend. I have been through what you are going through now my husband did the same as your husband is doing to you. I wanted to believe everything he said but it was all lies he said he wanted to get back together but wasn't ready he come up with all kinds of excuses and like the fool i was i believed him.If your husband loved you and wanted to come back he would it's that simple. One person keeping him from you and that is the other woman. You are going to have to make up your mind if you want him back tell him it's now or never and stick to it. What is wrong with coming back to the comfort zone that doesn't make any sense at all.Tell him you come home now and server all ties with her or else i want a divorce period.

Answer 2

The fact that the both of you want to heal your relationship puts the chances of reconciliation right up there. What bothers me is that your X has became 'involved' with a woman while he was still married to you (I'm assuming that's what you meant by separation). I would have trouble trusting someone who dates when they are still married (if this was the case). The additional fact that he is dependent financially on this relationship makes it a double problem.
Personally, he sounds too involved personally & financially with this new relationship to give you the consideration you will come to expect. What drove you two apart is not as important as the fact that he has managed quite well to move on into a new relationship. He obviously is not comfortable enough with starting over because he is 'way out there' from where you two left off.
You mention becoming a 'family' again but do not mention any children. If you have children this past relationship 'might' be worth talking over with a counselor. If you don't, I would suggest leaving well enough alone. He's almost too far out there to come back to where you two left off without a huge turn about, & I wouldn't hold my breath for that.

Answer 3

Your reunion will only take place if the two of you sincerely want to commit to one another and to your relationship again.
If you both decide to do that, I would strongly suggest counseling. There is an organization called World Wide Marriage Encounter that has retreats that focus on you and your spouse. They have a special program called Retrouvaile (meaning rediscovery) meant for troubled marriages. While they are Christian or Catholic based, I believe they're offered in other religions as well. And my fiance and I are not Catholic but attended the Catholic Engaged Encounter this past weekend and were deeply moved and did not feel pressed at all to join the Catholic church or anything like that. I know a lot of couples ( my parents included) who say Marriage Encounter is one of the key points in their marriage, and is a major turning point. Hope it works out for the best.

Answer 4

You start with the councilling. You are both open to it so that's where you start. But understand this as well..... we often think that councilling will solve everything and put things back to normal, so, don't be disappointed if issues come up in councilling that you can't resolve. But having said that, having both parties open to it is a positive step. I don't know why he feels that he needs more time. If his dream is for you to be together as a family then he should work towards making that dream reality. I would be on top of the clouds if my ex told me she'd like to work at getting back together.and she is the one who cheated on me. If he truly loves you there is nothing for him to think about and he dosen't need more time.

Answer 5

If he has a girlfriend type person, the first thing he needs to do is to let her know he is going to be working on salvaging the relationship with his wife. Your and his relationship does not include her unfortunately. If he doesn't want to do that, then yes, he has commitment issues and you should rethink your reconcilliation. It may be hard for him to server ties with his "girlfriend" considering he runs her business, but he may have to look for current work if things turn sour between them.

If both of you are serious, definately look into couples therapy, contact one that is more local to you and have the first session, then you can go from there on how you begin to bring each other back together, what steps you should take.

Answer 6

Ok so , he's got a kind of girl friend who's business he run's but he and you want to try and re-establish your family , and he's wanting more time but you want the decision made and finalised and the family life to begin again.

Am I the only 1 seeing something wrong in this picture, honey he is wanting to cheat on the girl friend with you , and isnt rushing to end things with her to be with you , so in fact , your the other woman.Why are you allowing him to do this?.

Move on find yourself then find someone new and let mr I dont want things to go back to a comfort zone level to continue living in the fantasy land he's built for himself.

Answer 7

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