How do you forgive your cheating spouse?

Question

My husband had an affair with a co-worker while I was pregnant (beginning my third trimester). I had my baby and two months after I confronted him since I was suspecting something was up. When I asked he confessed everything, and said he'd dumped her the next day. I gave him another chance & a week later they're still in contact, confronted him again and said it was finally over & this time was for sure. I'm trying to rebuild our marriage but don't know if I'll ever get over this. I'm trying but I find myself crying and depressed all the time. How can I overcome this. It's killing me inside. I ask him to give me access to his cell bill and he doesn't want to, does this mean he's still in contact with her? I don't know how to deal with this, help.

Answer 1

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.


before anything...remember that he is the father and this COULD be a good custody fight...so...keep that in mind..

NOW...that said,....while I can forgive and forget an offense..serious or otherwise..

that does NOT mean that it goes without consequences...now THAT..the consequences that you decide to assign to him MUST be under the mutal acknowledgement that

1) you HAVE forgiven him and HE HAS to acknowledge that upfront that this is NOT about you hanging that over his head.

2) you will work on forgetting, however EVERYTHING He does CAN complicate that process if he is not 100% DEDICATED...to you and your needs and any and all contact with that woman or any other is completely erased. No cell texts, no email accts or emails, etc.

3) you will both work together to improve the situation-but intimate relations will be delayed until noticeable progress has been made....and if he pushes the subject, it will only complicate the issue and delay your ability to forgive and forget.

these should be the basics...

THAT SAID...once he has gotten his butt out of the doghouse..you HAVE to hold your side of it..and forget it..it NEVER happened...and you have to show that you are big enough to forgive him..

NOW..here is the condition of this ..and it HAS to be understood by him...

IF HE SO MUCH AS PROVOKES OR GIVES REASON FOR SUSPICION AS FAR AS ANY WOMEN GETTING INVOLVED...THEN..YOU ARE GONE...YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM TO COMMIT THE SIN AGAIN...THE FACT THAT HE IS LOOKING OUTWARD..IS COMPLETELY KILLING THE POINT. YOU STUCK YOUR NECK OUT FOR HIM..AND HE DID IT AGAIN...HE WENT OUTSIDE OF YOUR TRUST LEVEL.

i think that is sufficient..anuy more than this is reason for departure..

Answer 2

If he is not showing then he is hiding and that would indicate that he is still in contact with her and will not quit. You are faced with a very difficult decision here. If you can live with knowing that there may always be another woman in his life then continue as normal. Otherwise you need to give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you want to see the cell bill every month from here on out. Tell him that you want to meet her with him to show her the baby so she can see what she is doing. Tell him that you want to go to counseling with him to work past this. Finally tell him that if he does not do ALL of these then there is no point in saving what is not there. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He has no respect for you at this point. The crying is from several places. You just had a baby not too long ago and so you are still readjusting to your hormones from that. You are dealing with the changes that have occurred to your body. Your husband cheated on you at a time that should have been one of the happiest in your life. Your husband refuses to be honest with you. You are depressed and rightly so. If he refuses to go to counseling with you then you should still go. It will help for you to talk to someone about how to deal with several life changes all at once. Good Luck and hang in there.

Answer 3

Sweetie I feel your pain. Once a spouse has cheated they have to realize that for a long time they will have no privacy anymore. Their phone bills and credit card bills will have to be and open book, it`s the price to pay till the trust is gained back. It is possible to save your marriage after infidelity but counseling is a must. Cheating is a huge betrayal and this is not something you can tackle on your own, you need professional help.

Answer 4

I am so sorry....forgiveness doesn't say the thing he did is ok but in order to release you from the pain, that won't be easy....If this man cannot break the tie with this woman he is not committed to you or the life he promised to give. Try not to pester him and investigate...you already know the truth...you will get over this because the baby needs you so...my heart does ache with you in your disappointment...may the peace of God cover you in this terrible time.....reach out to those around you for comfort....don't go through this alone

Answer 5

I'm so sorry that is a big problem but I think that if you decided to give him a second chance and try to forget about his affair he has to be more willing to let you go into his entire world I just can think he has still something to hide from you if he doesn't allow you to have access to his cell bill I don't mean he has to be your slave now but try to fix this and I see he is not doing it I'm sorry for saying this but I think you have to dump him and move on he doesn't deserve you he is not honest with you and you won't forget and you are going to live in hell always thinking what is he doing , you won
t have peace and I think he is not going to leave her make him respect you . love yourself. don't waist your time with somebody doesn't love you somebody doesn't respect you.

Answer 6

I think you can forgive a cheat spouse who quits. The problem is, most cheaters don't quit. Your husband is proof of that. He's not going to quit fooling around because it upsets you, or it's what you want, or because you are depressed. He doesn't care that much for you. If he did, he wouldn't have cheated. The question you need to ask yourself is how long do I want to remain with a man who doesn't love me?

Answer 7

If you truely want to continue your marriage with your husband, you need to be able to trust him, and that is his job, to help you build your trust back up. Suggest couples therapy to work through this, there are going to be times when you are going to want to bring this up in every argument, but if you are going to forgive him, that is exactly what you have to do. He's going to have to put in A LOT of effort into making you trust him again, and if it seems like he isn't, then perhaps it's better that you move on.

If you feel like you should be better off and it sounds like you might be considering he went back to her, your best option is to seek the advice of a lawyer. If he's going to continue to cheat, hide things from you, and hurt you, you and your baby are better off without him. I wish you good luck.

Answer 8

I am very sorry you are going through this go to marriagebuilders.com they have alot of information on getting over an affair.
He has to be 100% up front with you, and give you what ever it is you want until you can trust him again. Can you forgive? It will take time and he has to be involved for it to work if not I am sorry to say it won't. Speaking from experience happened to me, I am now divorced.

Answer 9

There isn't anything in the world that could make me forgive someone who cheated on me, especially while I was pregnant with their baby. And with him not wanting to let you see the phone bill is a sure sign that he is definitely in contact with someone that he isn't supposed to be.

Answer 10

thats a shame, u just need to dump him and the bills with him too. tell him u need a new car and since he can cheat on u then he can buy u a car then dump him. just make sure he puts ur name on the title too.