Mine has been here for about a month, my husband(his stepdad) said he had to go, either my son goes or my husband goes. Plus he said some really ugly things to my son, and to me about him as well. We have had to stay with relatives before, because of the lack of a job. Don't know what to do or say.
2007-09-26 12:02:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
The time limit idea is great, I will suggest this to all. I do have some other thoughts though, because my husband started this so suddenly with no discussion to me, is this an easy way for to get out of a marriage? My cousin said to get out of the marriage, because I have lost too much with this man already(and I have). We have moved too much, and seems like we can't get ahead. WE have always helped his boys, one always in trouble, so?????
2007-09-26 12:25:33 · update #1
Yes he working now, waiting tables, wants to get a loan to go back to college and finish getting a degree in the medical field. He takes out trash, and a little with food,etc.
2007-09-26 13:02:24 · update #2
You are in a tough spot. If I was your son, I would leave. I don't like to stay where I'm not wanted. I wouldn't put him out if I were you. I'm not sure where you live, but things are pretty expensive everywhere. If your husband wants to leave, I'd say, 'There's the door.' What is he going to threaten to leave about next? He should not treat you and your family, which is now supposed to be his family, like that. I would choose my family first, but that's just an outsider's opinion. Good luck.
2007-09-27 03:05:07 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
To answer your question-yes and no. We would absolutely help our son if he was working hard and just had a stroke of bad luck. Those things happen (you get laid off, you get injured, you have an unexpected bill), and in hard times having your family's support and help can really put you back on track and we would be happy to help our son that way. However, if our son tried to move back home because he didn't WANT to get a job, or because he lost multiple jobs because he was being irresponsible, or because he wasn't spending his money wisely, we would definately try to help him fix the problem but he would NOT be living in our house.
As far as the tension between your son and your husband, staying with relatives, even under the best of circumstances, always creates tension eventually. However, if your son has a legitamate reason for staying with you (and is not just being a bum) it's good that you are able to support him that way. I would talk to your husband and explain your feelings, and your son's situation, and make sure he understands that it is important to you that you make this effort for your son.
Perhaps you could come up with a compromise like setting a reasonable time limit for his stay, or setting a goal amount of money that once he has acumulated X amount he needs to leave-that way your husband doesn't feel like this is a permanant thing or something that will go on forever. It sounds like a very delicate situation for everyone!
2007-09-26 12:18:49 · answer #2 · answered by lovelymrsm 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I did read the answers this time. We are always there for our children, however, depending on the circumstances.
If your son is really making an effort to get his finances in order, going for job interviews and is serious. Then, I agree, give him a time frame, that's fair, depending on the job opportunities, he has in your city. And his qualifications.
However, if he is sitting at home sleeping late, spending his days watching TV and making no effort, you will have to probably, make that time limit shorter.
And have a darn good talk to him. Lay down the rules of the house. Then he can decide if he wants to abide by them, or move on.
He should, without question, be contributing some money. I mean, it's Autumn there, surely he can go out and rake up some leaves ro earn a bit of cash. I hope you get it resolved. You don't want to loose your marriage.
2007-09-26 12:51:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is give your son a time limit, see how much he wants to save or how sercure he wants to be and then both agree on time limit, wether or not he reaches his goal. That way your not stuck with him forever. But he's your son your should do everything you can to help him.
As for your husband, his step dad, you need to talk to him and say that when he married you he was accepting your family as his. And family helps each other out no matter how bad ones attitude is or how mad you can get with your immediate family you should always help. Your son is an adult so you dont have to choose him over your husband; but are you affraid to stand up to your husband and just explain things to him? I am sure he will be more corabrative if there is a time limit for your son to stay.
2007-09-26 12:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
LOL I'm 25 and in that exact situation! As well, my stepdad and I don't have a very friendly history, but my parents are helping me with my cards and all, and this is the most they've ever done for me.
I had a sort of GF and she sapped me of all my money. In the end of it all she had cheated on me more times than two hands can count, took a car I paid $1000 down on, and put a $1057 bill on the cellphone I got her.
So, my parents are helping me get back on my feet.
At least ask your kid to pay like $200 rent if all he is doing is saving money. That might calm your husband down a little bit.
2007-09-26 12:11:38 · answer #5 · answered by perfectlybaked 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is your son, so what if he is an adult. Every body needs help from time to time. I have a son that age my self and a daughter that is about 3 years younger than him. I will help my kids out in a heart beat.
The only thing that I asked of my kids when they stay with me is help out with the choirs and help out with the bills while they are trying to get on their feet. No they don't have to start paying any money until they get a job, but soon after.
I know a lot of people believe in tough love. I can't and won't turn my back on my own flesh and blood, I'm sorry. I know that some folks think that if you help them out like that, they will start to depend on you, that is not always the case.
I am 51 now, my parents have always been there for me. I am now living back at home with them. They help me out financially and I help them with everything that they need. I don't depend on them, they depend on me.
2007-09-26 14:35:17 · answer #6 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-20 02:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my daughter at 24 moved in with me and it was a disaster,she brought a new born baby with her and stayed in bed all day while the child cried all night and day.i told her that her boy friend [who kicked her out in the first place] could not come around.before 2 weeks he was sneaking over at night and staying longer and longer no matter what i said.the water and electric were outrageous,and she would not help pay eny thing.finally i sat her down and told her she had to go.it was so tense here,you could cut the tension with a knife.i never moved back home with my parents and i just cant see her ever staying at my house that long again.[she is in her 30s now]i hope things are much better for you.my child had a attitude that i owed her some thing and it was all right for her to come and go as she pleased,but she found out different.good luck and god bless.
2007-09-26 12:15:55 · answer #8 · answered by alcaholicdemon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing the whole situation,but here I would let my child stay. These day of times no job is secure. Back in the day we all had family around us in the neiborhood everyone was close. I try and keep those values still. If mychild just wasn't being lazy and honestly needed some help I would always help.
2007-09-26 12:09:03 · answer #9 · answered by doxie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would say your instincts are very good. Your husband wants to help HIS sons, but not YOURS. This is just too one sided. Not at all fair. And not at all loving.
Would you be sorry to leave the marriage behind? Or would it actually be a relief? If the latter, then I guess you already have your answer.
No woman deserves to be a doormat for any man.
2007-09-26 13:01:42 · answer #10 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋