Should I spend my hard-earned money to pay hubby's medical bills?

Question

It is only $1100 so far, and he set up pmts of $100 a month to stay out of collections. But at the time of injury he was unemployed. I was not working for a couple years cuz I went back to school, and he didnt pay my bills. I was lucky to get gas and grocery money. I had to live on my student loan checks. We lived with my mom at the time cuz he lost his house. He has had at least 10 jobs in the 6 yrs we've been together, and now that I finally got a decent job, I do not want to spend all my money on his bills. That is my grocery money I'm spending. I also want to buy stuff that I need sometimes too. I don't buy high-end things, but feel I deserve to spend my check on some new shoes if I need them rather than pay all his crap. I am already paying his cell phone bill and a legal bill.
This was not even medically necessary. Paying it will put a burden on me and my kids. If I had the extra to spare, I would do it. Hes a good guy, just unstable, so plz dont say divorce him!

We cant get aid cuz we make too much. And I cant "put off" the legal bill since it is a court-ordered monthly payment! No, he did not help me when I was down and out, as I said, I had to live off student loan money. Which is why I'm wondering if I should help him or not (which I prob wont). Think I may let him deal with his own crap for once. Far as I'm concerned if he would contribute, yes it is "our" money. I even told him not to go to hospital cuz we couldnt afford it. He was fine 2 days later. I cant afford my own place cuz we bought a car last year that we were supposed to share pmts on...guess whos been paying for it?! Cant turn it in cuz we owe more than its worth and its my only means of transport. No buses or cabs. Plus it would screw up our credit which we are trying to rebuild after bankrupcy. Yes we've had rough times, and we're working hard to overcome and rebuild. He isn't "lazy", but jobs are hard to come by in our town. and he does work part time and do side work.

Answer 1

If you don't want to pay it, don't. If it goes into collections it is his problem.

Answer 2

I'm not sure how you guys are running your household. What's with all this "my money", "his money" crap? Newsflash: what you're married, it becomes "our" money. Your bills, his bills, your spending, his spending - it affects both of you; you can have it in different checking accounts, but in the end, it affects both of you JOINTLY. Get over the "his" and "mine" stuff, set up a FAMILY budget which includes all the bills as well as grocery money, gas money, kids money, etc. Both of you should be contributing to the joint pool from which all the joint expenses get paid. By all means, you could still have your own accounts if you choose to; once all the bills are paid, you tuck the rest away in your personal accounts if you don't want to have the joint savings, retirement or investment accounts. If you married a financially unstable person, this is something you will have to deal with; his financial situation WILL affect you no matter how hard you try and separate things into "mine" and "his" - so why not try and work together with him on that?

Answer 3

Are you sure he's a good guy? It doesn't sound like it. Because of you, he's had a place to live and you pay for his cell phone bill and a legal bill. Marriage is about sharing. Doesn't seem like sharing. Seems like one person is doing the taking. Don't pay his medical bills if it puts a burden on you and your kids. Take a close look and see if he's treating you as he should be. Good luck.

Answer 4

He may be a good guy.....but he's not a good husband and he isn't a good father or role-model for your kids.....He needs to get a stable job and provide for the family.......And you need to realise that part of the partnership that is marriage involves making sacrifices for your partner....Don't compromise your childrens welfare vis-a-vis housing, clothing and food to pay your husbands bills. But if it is possible to ease the family medical debt (yes, it IS a family debt since you married him)..after you have provided the necessities, then do so.....Leave the cell phone bill and legal bill for your husband to deal with...one's unnecessary...the other can wait!

Answer 5

I think the main problem is that you keep referring to "my bills", and "his bills". You are a married couple, there should be only "our bills". That being said, even if you didn't pay "his bills", as his wife, you are just as responsible for those bills as he is. I can understand your frustration, as you stated these were not necessary treatments, but the only way to separate your finances IS to divorce. Since you don't want to do that, your only option is to suck it up & help him pay before it ruins YOUR credit.

Answer 6

Well!
#1 he needs to become stable.
#2 what is yours is his, that is a marriage isn't it?
#3 if it is not then it sounds like you two are married but it goes as far as the word itself ... in which case i am asking what the hell are you doing with him?
#4 Would he have payed your bills if you were in his shoes? probably yes.
So grow up and act like a responsible mother/wife/adult.
Do what is right ... again ... it doesn't sound to me like you care much about him if you have to come here and ask this kind of question.

Answer 7

I would say no since he got himself into that mess against your better advice, but you said you're trying to rebuild your credit. If the two of you are married, even if the bill is in his name, it will affect your credit. Sorry, you may have to pay it. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

i dont think ive ever said anything negative until now.... Someone said get state aid. I say please don't, you don't need state aid, you need a marriage counselor and your husband needs to get up off his lazy *** and get a job and help support his family. As far as you go, I would stop saying "mine, my , I," AND PRACTICE SAYING "US, WE, FAMILY, OURS". Do you pay for your kids medical bills and your kids groceries or do they have to pay with their allowance?? You sound as screwed up as your husband. Re-read your post and you will see why so many people have posted negative comments. Marriage is a team effort. You both help each other when your down, if only one of you is helping all the time than it may be time to get rid of the dead weight. GOod LUCK

Answer 9

I know how you feel. Don't pay it because he will expect you to pay all of his debts. You need to eat and things, my husband did the same thing to me, he kept putting stuff on a credit card that I added him on to and wouldn't pay on it so who has to pay? Me of course and he wouldn't pay utility bills either because he was trying to pay on a truck he bought so who had to pay? Me of course and don't have that much of an income. I told him not to get the truck because we couldn't afford it. but he promised me that he was going to do what it took to keep his truck. I told him that I wanted the house note paid and the utilities and he promised he would. Don't do it.

Answer 10

Somewhere "for richer, for poorer .. in sickness and in health" got lost. Depending on the state you live in, you HAVE to pay his bills because you are married to each other. And if he was injured, how does "not even medically necessary" come into it?
Keep him or dump him but stop whining and if you stay with him, see what state aid you can get.

Answer 11

Spend some of your hard earned money on a divorce. You're both too immature to be married.

And pay your mother back.