Should I trust my husband?We have been married for 30 years and my husband thinks he is single before married.

Question

WE often are at odds w/ith small conflicts.. he is almost narsistic.. He makes all decisions without asking me.defensive and quick to anger... what is he hiding?
Should I be suspicious?
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Answer 1

I don't know. But it seems to happen as couples age. It certainly happened in my parent's marriage.

Perhaps try counselling or a marriage encounter. I'd suggest trying to get him to open up and speak w/ you about it - but men in his generation are probably less likely than men in mine to do this and MY wife has to pull teeth to get me to talk sometimes.

Its a man's defense mechanism. We feel hurt, slighted, unloved and we lash out. Usually anger is the 1st sign of depression in men.

My folks went through marriage encounter and it helped ALOT. Approach him in the context of relationship "maintinence" - just like you get the oil changed on the car to prevent it from breaking down. You want to get a 30K (or in your case 50K) mile tune up for your marriage. He's more likely to be open to the idea then.

My folks now laugh that my father's defernsiveness / anger issues was "inverse nagging". After soo many years - he was just getting his just paybacks :)

Hope you guys can someday get to the point of laughing about it - because this will mean you've resolved the issue enough to joke about it....

Best of luck to you .....

Answer 2

i think of I could consider CHILDofGod right here, even even with the undeniable fact that i'm no longer very non secular! perchance that's what particularly everybody's concern is : they do no longer prefer to "artwork" in a marriage. as quickly as something happens it is unfavourable, human beings say break up. So now i assume I see why the divorce fee is so intense. it is your answer surprising there. My grandparents married in 1935, whilst Grandma replaced into 14 & grandad replaced into 19. they are nevertheless married at present. whilst human beings right here some seventy 3 three hundred and sixty 5 days. marriage, the 1st factor they do is clap. they do no longer know what type of marriage it replaced into. they do no longer know the artwork that went into the type of long marriage. and that i pay attention human beings whinge that human beings don't get married anymore through fact the divorce fee is so intense. for my area, they are lazy; they do no longer prefer to committ & they do no longer prefer to artwork; they only prefer to get out at present if something happens. i've got by no skill been married so I communicate from remark quite than very own experience. that's as much as you. in case you opt for to artwork in this marriage than i do no longer think of you may sense in charge approximately it. in case you opt for to stroll then you definately shouldn't sense in charge approximately it. i think of a specialist would desire to help him along with his "concern", through fact i think of it is a few form of psychological concern he has there.

Answer 3

If this has been going on for 30 years you are a very determined woman.

I have also been married more than 30 years (32) and if this were happening to me I would seek counseling.....with or without him.

You only get one life and if you're not enjoying it that's very sad.

Answer 4

Only he knows what he's hiding from you, I going through a divorce after 30 years, the crap I but up with was endless.

Answer 5

You've been married to this man for 30 years and yet you don't know him well enough to know if you should be suspicious? Have you actually MET this man?

Answer 6

I get the impression there is more to this than meets the eye. You should know him pretty well, you have lived with him for 30 years. Has he always been this way? If its something that has only just happened over the last few years, then I would be suspecting something. Thirty years of marriage is a long time. Is he angry with you for something? Do the two of you communicate honestly about your feelings? Has he ever tried to tell you something and you just ignored what he was saying? Do you only think about your happiness and not his? These are all questions you should be asking yourself if these changes have only just occurred. Listen to him....talk to him....ask him why he is unhappy? Dont get defensive, just give him the opportunity to talk and be heard. A lot of long term marriages go this way when one or both of you do not talk to each other honestly. You become so comfortable in the relationship that you miss out on the signs of frustration, boredom and the like. Take notice. I say again, talk to him, but more importantly, listen to him. Maybe he feels like he has put in his time, and now its time for him. Maybe I am talking like this because I know a couple in your exact same situation. For nearly 30 years, his wife wore the pants...she made all the decisions and he worked and was the "provider". They married when they were very young...she was pregnant at 16, so he felt obligated to marry her. There was never any honest communication between the two of them. Over the last few years, he got sick of his life. He got sick of being the responsible one and he got sick of not having his needs met. He withdrew into himself for many years and he never communicated to his wife how he was feeling. He felt overwhelmed by her controlling nature....or thats how he saw it. She may not have been controlling, but without communication, he was left with his assumptions and she was left with her's, if you know what I mean. He bacame angry with his life and went out and found what was missing in his marriage elsewhere.....he felt justified. As wrong as it is, he allowed this situation to become the way it was....he never talked to his wife about how he was feeling and he allowed her to take control. Now the tables have turned and he makes all the decisions without consulting her....he comes and goes as he pleases. He is wrong, he should try to talk to his wife.....he has tried, but she rants and raves so he withdraws into his shell again. He is so unhappy and he should leave, but he feels too responsible for his wife's feelings. He feels she will go to pieces and harm herself if he leaves. I think he hasnt given his wife enough credit to handle the truth. Maybe Im wrong, maybe his wife doesnt want to hear the truth. She found out he was cheating on her a couple of years ago. He told her he loved the other woman, but she virtually begged him to stay and made all sorts of threats if he left her. He has been doing what your husband has been doing for the last few years. He is still seeing this other woman, and I think deep down inside she knows, but she likes the title of wife, better than she considers both of their happiness. Im sorry if I have gone on a little bit too long. The point I am trying to make is that, after 30 years and when your spouse's behaviour changes so singnificantly, then something is going on. Maybe your situation is nothing like the situation I am describing. Maybe he is just dissatisfied with his life. Maybe he is bored. Really take some time out to talk to him. Give him the opportunity to talk uninterupted then maybe you will get to the truth. Just be willing, however, to hear something you may not want to hear. Counselling for the both of you is my best suggestion....lets hope he is open to it. Good luck. It's never too late to pull the pieces back together again.

Answer 7

he's on the defensive end you can still do background checks on your husband is he leading to lives ,have another family that you don't know about dig girl dig....a woman's intuition is never wrong.................