BF is great does everything well! Treats me well all and all that! But he has one flaw and it bothers me alot. He's not very book smart nor does he speak intelligently. Its almost embarrassing to the point where i don't want him around my friends or anyone i associate with. All my friends are really smart and i don't want them looking down on him. How can i deal with this? What should i do?
2007-09-26 09:16:12 · 22 answers · asked by T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get him some Lego's!
Question, why associate with a person you describe as being a dummy in the first place. I'm not trying to be mean but if he can't hold in intelligent conversation, what's the point.
Your friends are going to start thinking somethings wrong with you!
2007-09-26 09:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by ranch_tester 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're in an extremely difficult situation. It'll take years before you get used to -if you ever do- to the fact that your BF is not intellectually up to par with you or the people you associate with. Sometimes we need to focus on the qualities and not the flaws, but not being educated or not being able to even hold a decent conversation, goes beyond what one can tolerate. See why I say it is BS to say that love conquers all? Even if you gave him books to read or taught him how to speak and somehow tried to help him acquire a decent vocabulary, it would take time, patience, tolerance, much effort and willingness from both you and him... are you willing to be a mother and a teacher for your BF?
2007-09-26 16:28:49 · answer #2 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI
Just wanted to say that I had the same problem with an ex.
I completely understand where you are coming from and it bothered me alot too, I never did resolve the issue and we ended up breaking up.
BUT, I would suggest talking to him about it, if you can. Ask him if he feels comfortable being around your friends, what he likes about them, if he feels like he fits in -- then ask your friends the same about your boyfriend...perhaps you are seeing something that really isn't there. Perhaps it is just something you have to deal with and your friends are okay with him because he treats you well and you are happy.
Open lines of communication are very important in a relationship...that I didn't have with my ex...and it ultimately led to our downfall.
My husband at times says things that are grammatically incorrect, sometimes I mention them to him, other times I just let it go and know that I am the only one who is having a problem with it because he is a great person to all his friends and family, just has little slips every now and again. More often than not, he appreciates when I correct him (though not in front of friends). And he tries hard to say things correctly and intelligently and NOW he even will ask me for the correct way to say or write things. I try hard to not make him feel stupid, just letting him know I am sharing my knowledge with him (I have an English degree).
Hope this helps.
2007-09-26 16:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by imzi99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew what he was like when you found him, so what's the beef, he was good enough for you then , why not now. if you knew he wasn't up to your friends standard why didn't you leave him alone. People do things and then grip about it, maybe he doesn't care for your Rolls Royce friends either , I like the men that aren't a smart as I feel I am they are more fun to be with and keep you laughing ,they make you happy.
I would a lot rather someone like him than a rude, smart mouth intellectual.
2007-09-26 16:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"he has one flaw and it bothers me alot." If it bothers you now it is going to bother you 10, 20, 30 years from now. The only way to deal with it is to either stop worrying about your friends (as well as yourself looking down on him) or tolerate the fact that he is not a member of MENSA...obviously his lack of "intelligence" bothers you otherwise you wouldn't bring it up. I say leave the guy now because he doesn't deserve someone who feels the way you do about him. He deserves a woman who would care and support him for the man he is.
2007-09-26 17:59:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not do nothing but respect him as a person, I have Intelligent friends who look down on others who is not as smart as some, Yes they know i am smart but i always check them and put them in place about treating others so rudely.
2007-09-26 16:25:41 · answer #6 · answered by K_LOVE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either learn to accept it, or get a new b/f. You can't stay with the person and let it bother you every day. He is what he is - there are plenty of more intelligent guys out there, and if this is an important trait for you, keep looking. He's not the last person on earth.
2007-09-26 16:20:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand where you are coming from. Just remember that its not his fault that he speaks like that. His parents most likely speak that way too and passed it on to him.
Would he be offended if you corrected his speech? (I'm assuming its his grammar?)
Also, he may not be book smart, but I'm sure there are some things that he knows a lot about. If your friends are as smart as you say they are, they should know that too.
2007-09-26 16:22:10 · answer #8 · answered by new_mom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should find a new boyfriend.
Your problem was one of the biggest reasons my first marriage is over.
Smart men are the best!!
2007-09-26 16:21:02 · answer #9 · answered by Sean 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should change your opinion of him immediately.
Real friends shouldnt care how smart he is but how he treats you.
Be proud of him befores he catchs onto your current feelings.
2007-09-26 16:23:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋