My wife is obessed with weight... mine, hers, the kids. It's driving me nuts. She is a recovering anorexic and works out 2 hours a day, doesn't eat after 4, doesn't eat sweets, counts every calorie. That wouldn't be so bad but she hounds me and the kids (twin 4 year old boys) even though no one in our family is even close to being overweight. She wont let the kids have ANY sweets or desserts and bitches to me if we go out to eat and I order something fattening or if I skip a day at the gym. We got in a huge fight yesterday because my son was hungry at like 8 so I gave him some crackers and cheese and she freaked out and said they can't eat between meals. . Outside of this, our marriage is very happy. Is this an unhealthy obsession and should I encourage her to get help, or is she just a health nut? I don't think our boys should even be thinking about "getting fat" at their age and it bugs the hell out of me. Plus, I don't want them to see overweight people as weak or bad. Suggestions?
2007-09-26 08:41:09 · 22 answers · asked by Yogi 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She does eat, I see her. She has cereal for breakfast and always makes healthy dinners, which she eats. I thought anorexics didn't eat?
2007-09-26 08:51:33 · update #1
She is going to a counselor once a week for her disorder as part of her recovery. I thought the danger was past us?
2007-09-26 08:53:24 · update #2
She still has an eating disorder and is fighting it every day of her life.
Fat is the enemy, to her, to you, to the kids. She really and truly believes she is doing right by you guys.
She needs professional help, who helped her make the first steps away from anorexia? Call them, have her call them. Hopefully she is still in some kind of counciling, so maybe you can express your concerns with them.
Just remember she is not doing it to be a b****, in her mind she thinks she is being a great wife and mother. She needs your understanding. But you really have to stop this before the kids develop the same issues she has.
2007-09-26 08:54:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me that if she doesnt watch out your sons are going to lacking in self confidence. No child should feel bad for eating when thwy are hungry b/c there mom says they will get fat. I personally think that your wife needs help. She may be a recovering anorexic however she still has an eating disorder. I feel bad for you and your children. Imagine your mother saying "dont eat that you'll get fat." What if your children do get a little chubby. She will ridicule them. I think she has a very controlling outlook on food and wants to control not only her intake but yours as well. I would get her help fast before she really goes overboard. Good luck!
2007-09-26 17:08:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion: she could use some therapy big time, because she's passing on her own traumas to her kids (not you because you're already grown and won't get influenced by her, just annoyed). She will never accept that she's wrong, because she's convinced that she's doing this for your and the kids' sake, for your well being, etc.... If she's recovering from anorexia, then she clearly has issues that need to be addressed so her "recovery" doesn't affect others negatively and her behavior does not perpetuate -- becuz it doesn't sound like she's making big progresses if she's still that obsessed with weight and calories and stuff..... she really needs some psychological help.
2007-09-26 15:54:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lprod 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the focus of your concern should be with the kids.....her attitude could very well affect them negatively. Life is about making healthy choices, and having cheese and crackers for a snack inbetween meals is NOT UNHEALTHY, especially if it's not something that happens every day. She is too regimented about the food, and they will never learn what moderation is.....they need to learn that it's OK to have a cookie. If they are never allowed, what do you think is going to happen when they grow older? Her focus should be on nutrition and helping them make smart, healthy choices, and I mean healthy for their bodies and MINDS. She knows she has a problem, then she needs to accept that her NAZI attitude toward food with the rest of you is a detriment. Perhaps you need to consider setting up an appointment with a nutritionist....
2007-09-26 16:01:15 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go, as a family, to see a nutritionist, doctor, and a trainer. If you could get them all from one place, all the better. Describe to the professionals what your routine and mainly HER practices are regarding food and exercise. A professional would likely give better suggestions on maintaining the health of your family and the proper level of exercise. In addition, a pediatrician may be able to reason with her that growing children has different nutritional needs and feeding schedules than an adult.
This way, it isn't coming out of your mouth that what she is doing is ineffective.
2007-09-26 15:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get help and fast. My cousin is in her late 40's and she was somewhat the same way. Barely eats, runs an hour every day of her life without fail. she thinks she looks good, but she looks gross, she is skin and bones. Wouldn't ever think of touching a cookie or a piece of pizza or anything that isn't chicken or fish or a dry baked potato, or vegetables. No hot dogs, hamburgers anything with mayo. Her daughter, who is 17 who I am very close to, has such a distorted relationship with food and has an eating disorder. A binge eating disorder and I blame her mother. My little cousin was brought up that "bad" food was forbidden, so, she learned to binge on it in secret, and now, she has a terrible disorder and a horrific body image. Her weight consumes her mind and thoughts. It sounds as if your wife is even more obsessive. My cousin wasn't quite as bad, she never "said" her kids couldn't eat snacks but kids watch and learn too, sometimes you don't have to say much of anything. Please, for your children's sake, get help
2007-09-26 15:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Definitely still anorexic. Nutritionally, she is probably correct in eliminating sweets. However, you run the risk of your kids running to you for sweets. I find it a little disappointing that your wife does not allow sweets for the children since if they are somewhat active, their bodies will compensate. Much of being overweight is genetics, if you folks aren't overweight, chances are your kids will not be.
Skinny wives after kids are few and far between. Normally, I'd see that as a gem, but it sounds like your wife is a little extreme.
2007-09-26 15:49:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened with the intervention you were going to do for her bulimia a few weeks ago? How did that work out? Is she seeing a therapist on a regular basis now? If not, then I reiterate to you to DO IT NOW. Before she dies. If she is in therapy, then you need to give the therapist a call about this behavior. I realize it's a long road back and it will take time to loosen the controls she feels she needs to exert over food. But in the meantime, you need some guidance on how to deal with her being the food gestapo. It's not healthy for her to be passing on her own bad beliefs about food to her children.
2007-09-26 15:51:19 · answer #8 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is not even close to being a "Recovering" anorexic....and she is now forcing these unhealthy and potentially deadly habits onto you and (more importantly) your two children. Seek counseling for your wife immediately. She needs to know the effects that this will have on your kids. Talk to some treatment centers in your area and ask how to proceed. Good luck!
2007-09-26 15:51:04 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You know, Nick, it's very hard to actually "get over" an eating disorder...we always have it; we just learn to cope and not allow it to run -or ruin for that matter- our lives. I -like your wife- work out three hours every single day. I cannot seem to make myself take one day off. Whenever we travel, my husband makes sure the hotel we're staying at has fitness facilities...he knows better. Sometimes I can only work out for one hour and I force myself to stop -even that is hard to do- and as soon as I tell myself I don't have 3 hours I start feeling overwhelming anxiety. Your wife needs help -definitely- and for your sons' sake, you must seek it fast. It seems to me she's losing control over her anorexia or her anorexia is slowly crawling its way back to take control of her life and yours. I'm sure she's trying and she will tell you there's nothing wrong with her. Don't believe her (and it's not that she's a liar) she just doesn't realize the strong grip that this disease can have.
2007-09-26 16:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋