My wife of 14 years,(recovering alcoholic) has replaced her booze with pills,through perscriptions with several different docs or stuff available on the street. Her favorites seem to be vicoden, clonapin, and percocet. She does suffer from long term depression and is on meds for that as well. Through the years I've done the cat and mouse thing, removed her access from bank accounts (which she previously raided numerous times) tried to be "supportive" and attend meetings, counceling sessions with her , ect. Recently she spent time in a rehab/physc. center for an overdose/suicide attempt after a fight over her taking $2000 in cash, and deniying it. We have 2 children in their early teens that are mostly sheltered from the chaos and doing well, but it will start to affect them if she doesnt get her act together. I'm contemplating a divorce but have a sizable salary and assets and am worried that if she gets kiddies and access to cash the results will be disaterous. I feel trapped
2007-09-26 08:23:19 · 15 answers · asked by basketone 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi....
I'm sure that, since you have had experience with rehab, counselors and meetings, you realize she has to WANT to help herself.
Addiction is a powerful thing... and each time a person relapses the brain creates more receptors for the craving... and it's that much harder to quit.
Perhaps you could talk to an attorney about this, and also a therapist. You have issues with her spending money foolishly and her addiction. Perhaps you could get custody of the kids... she'd probably be forced to work and pay child support. and maybe she needs a "wake up call" like that?
You could also request a psychological evaluation of your wife if you are going to get divorced (you may have to take one too). This evaluation would determine her level of competence in caring for two children...
You could talk to the psych doc about her addiction issues, and also to the attorney -- when you talk with these people, try to remain calm and use common sense (which i'm sure you will). I know you don't want the children to be with their mother if she is high or under the influence, because it could be dangerous for the kids.
I hope you get some good advice here... i'm sorry for your situation, that's for sure.
2007-09-26 08:46:45 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either send the kids to a sitter, or just make sure you can be totally private. send them to their friend's house or something. Maybe...the mood just isn't right during the day. I understand that. Try making the room right; shut the blinds make it as dark as possible; light a few candles; buy her a nightie and give it to her with some roses when you take her to lunch. But make it clear that you didn't take her to lunch just to get sex from her. Compromise some. Who cares if you're tired as long as you're happy and sexually satisfied? Do it at night sometimes. You don't want it cause you're tired; she doesn't want it because people might here. You are probably driving her nuts too! Make an effort, whether you're tired or not. She'll love you even more for it, then sex will be even better. Just sit down and talk with her; tell her you'll try if she'll try. Good luck!
2016-05-19 01:51:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have it documented about her drug use and rehabs you will get custody of the children and she may have to pay you child support. Tell the doctors she is seeing to get her drugs what kind of game she is playing. You could also contact the authorites and have her arrested. The court system will have record of what she is up to. That would be the right thing to do for her I think. If you don't turn her in, you are just enabling her to stay the same.
Have you gone to co dependency meetings for your self? If not maybe you might want to call Narcotics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest meeting. Also there is a good book called "Co dependent No More". It could be quite helpful to you.
2007-09-26 08:41:23 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can really tell you what to do. You have to make your own decision. That having been said, I would say you both need to go to counseling. If she is not willing to change, there is no sense in her dragging you both down. Go to family court over the custody of the kids. It sounds as though you have been very supportive in the past. You have already done some type of counseling. It's unfortunate that she can't seem to get out of a self destructive lifestyle. But you can't lose your life, as well. Trust me. The kids know what is going on.
2007-09-26 08:31:27 · answer #4 · answered by kathy s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, of course you feel trapped. The first thing I thought of was that YOU need to get yourself some help. That is first. I think after that, you will find some clarity and will better know what you is best for you. I suggest you get involved in a support group for yourself, one of those for people who love addicts. I'm not trying to be smart when I say that, I'm just not sure of the proper name for them. Right now, you are just as much affected by her disease as she is and I would not make any rash decisions until you get healthy yourself. Because as much as you may think you are thinking in a healthy manner, you probably aren't and that isn't your fault. If you leave her, you want to make sure you are doing it because it is good for you and your family, not because deep down you think this will "get her to see what she is doing" - that is what is called Codependency. And you never want to think if you just "love her enough" or "support her enough" or do "whatever enough" that that will make a difference as well. Take care of yourself first.... Good luck and I'm sorry you are going through this.
2007-09-26 08:39:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in my opinion, you have a case already. She has an addiction that is coming between your marriage. That does not go lightly in divorce court these days. My advice to you is to always be three steps ahead of your game if divorce turns out to be your plan. Start embarking all your assets to where she can not gain from them to support her addiction.
Good Luck.
2007-09-26 08:43:19 · answer #6 · answered by olivia m 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do u love her enough to give her an ultimatium. if u love her you will tell her this is the final straw, get it together or move on. ur life cannot handle this turmoil much longer and u deserve to be in a stable enviornment, quit the drugs or divorce her, she seems like she has a lot foc hances. with someone as aunstable as her, she would not be granted as much earnings as she is entitled to simply for her drug behavior.
2007-09-26 08:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I feel for you.
It would appear that you have done all that you can do and if you file for a divorce personally, I don't think anyone should judge you for it.
As cliche' as it's going to sound your wife won't get any better unless she wants to,
she has to want it for herself and as bad as I'm sure you'd like to see her get better you just can't do it for her, SHE has to want it plain and simple. I work in health care and see addicts everyday I know what I'm talking about.
Good luck to you
2007-09-26 08:47:46 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can get the kids in divorce. You probably need to get yourself out of that situation and move on. Maybe you can find you a drug free woman without baggage. I wish you luck.
2007-09-26 08:59:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to get her help in a long term care facitlity and see if she can become better then work on your problems you have together if there is any love still there if not just get out and make sure you get the kids
2007-09-26 08:47:05 · answer #10 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋