We met about 3 years ago. We started dating and soon we had a relationship. SEx was never that great, he was 24, and i was 20, which i thought it was odd, since he was in a relationship with a 27 year old when he was only 19, i thought he had experience but i soon founded out he didnt. To make the story short, we started having sex like 2 a week, and honestly for me that was very little, im a very senxual person so i understood that he was not like me. Umm 2 years after we got engage and we currently are, during those 2 years i noticed that sex was not important to him, we would do the same things, so i suggested we should do different things. That worked out for a while, then from 2 a week went to 1 a week, and now is like 1 every 14 days. I mean we are getting marrie in a few months and i think this is really breaking up things, i have talked to him and he says is not me, is him that he is happy with the things we have now, i dont wanna think is me, i mean im 5'5 and 125lbs,
2007-09-26 08:21:52 · 22 answers · asked by mel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
blond long hair, many find me attractive and not to brag but i get compliments all the time, also im smart, and have a great personality. I honestly dont know what to do anymore, i dont wanna get marrie if things are going to be like this. What should i do??
2007-09-26 08:24:04 · update #1
i must add im very good in bed, trust me on that one!!
2007-09-26 08:32:28 · update #2
im not stuck up at all, im very down to earth, but i am sure of my self, but that does not mean im into my self at all, trust me, im like any other girl, so please dont assume just try to help, thanx
2007-09-26 08:49:45 · update #3
And when you're sitting in bed feeling the need for some affection and he rolls over and gives you one of his pre-packaged excuses how many years will you be able to shrug off the constant dissapointment? 1? 3? 5? 10?? 20+ years???
Forever is a long, long time to get into a situation like that.
Like Dr. Phil puts it when the sex is good in a relationship it's 5%, when it's bad it's 95%. If you see the warning signs now, what happens when it goes to once every 2 weeks, then once a month? Because it will with someone who doesn't find sex as important as you do.
2007-09-26 08:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to change so you have to decide just how important that is to you. There are several things you can do:
(1) Decide that it is not that important to you or do things to satisfy yourself.
(2) Every day pressure him for more sex. Then, since he will not and cannot, ask him if he is okay with you having a lover just for sex. That is far more common than you would think so there is almost a fifty percent chance that he will agree or agree to threesomes where he doesn't have to have sex. If it is separate, you can tell about it afterwards. If he is agreeable, no one need know except the three of you.
(3) Join some meet-up group that meets at various places several times a week such as a cooking and receipt group, a sewing and knitting group, or some charity thing that would bore him to tears. He will always be invited but, of course will find reasons not to go. It will just be something you do several times a week. That gives you the cover to have a lover on the side. Women excel at sneaky sex and most husbands are not inquisitive so he will never know. Also, since guys date down, your lover will be better looking and more desirable than your husband. Should he get you pregnant, that is an added bonus, since you will have a prettier baby. Women have always found a good provider for a mate and then had sneaky sex with the alpha males to select better genes for their children.
(4) Look for someone else. You are young an pretty so finding another guy should be easy.
2007-09-26 09:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Crystal ... I am about to give you some sage advice that speaks from experience. I hope that you will find it of value. You don't go fishing hoping to catch a chicken, right? When you buy a long, red dress, you don't go home and then complain that it's not short and red, do you? You wouldn't knock on a wall and expect someone to answer it, would you? The thing is ... all three of those things are EXACTLY what you are doing with your man, expecting him to want sex as much as you do. Of COURSE he only wants sex when he wants it. YOU only want sex when you want it ... the only difference is that you want it more than he does. Your guy has a low sex drive. He also has blue eyes, and is 5'10" tall - ALL of these things are part of WHO HE IS. You can't think that trying so hard to spice things up is going to make him want sex more. This will BE your life for the next 30-45 years, so get used to it. I have a suggestion, however. STOP TALKING about it ! I dare you to not initiate sex, until he does. Yes, it might be difficult, but no one ever died from lack of sex. You are making a mission out of this, and it's clearly got him rattled. The best cure for that is to stop the rattling (read: stop the talking!!!). If you need to please yourself for a little while, then do it until he comes to you. No talking about it, no coming onto him, no trying to manipulate the conversations towards sex, no NOTHING. The more you try and force things to happen, the more likely it is to NOT happen. Give the guy a break, and make sure that he knows something: You accept him AS HE IS TODAY. For good and for bad, with no reservations, and no hesitation. If you can't accept him as he is today, wanting sex only 1-2 times a week, then you have to seriously re-think whether he's the one for you. Love, alone, is never enough to sustain a marriage. You have to be compatible and have common interests, shared sensibilities and in synch about a lot of things - and sex really is that important. Best of luck, hon. P.S. I'm glad that you'll never ever ever leave him and that you'll stand by him no matter what. I still dare you to button your lip when it comes to sex and not initiate until he does. No talking about it, manipulating the conversation or walking around naked. Be non-sexual, until he comes to you for it. I dare you. Dare ya dare ya dare yaaaa :D
2016-05-19 01:50:58 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen My Dear you are really getting into something you are going to regret. A low sex drive maybe what he have but that is because, of the person he was with before you remember this will affect a person.
So you need to go to a sex shop get some books and sex toys and get with stick if you know what I'm saying. But also remember: He is forgetting the main reason for being with you. Do you really think this will change by marring this person?
If you are having this problem now, you are going to be in trouble on down the line. Baby get busy switch it up a bit. Show him what you want and how to do it. Believe me I've been there before it ain't no fun. TTFN My Dear.......
2007-09-26 08:58:32 · answer #4 · answered by oneglook 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a problem now and it will only get worse down the road tell him bluntly you're not happy with this and if he's not going to put out in a way that satisfy you than the engagement and marraige are off. Sex is 60% of the relationship and so don't believe people who say different they blame their cheating spouses and ex's for all that have and will go wrong in their relationships a lot of the one's who think it's not that important have been cheated on or are being cheated on right now and don't even know it so don't buy in to their bull. It's nice to see you know there is a problem you're a smart girl keep it up.
2007-09-26 08:47:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
1st off do NOT get married! You clearly don't "fit" sexually and this problem will only get worse after the marriage. In most cases the unsatified person ends up cheating and the marriage ends badly. So instead of going through all of that, make a clean break now and find a man that better meets your needs. In the long run it, is best for BOTH of you.
2007-09-26 08:26:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well I would start by you shortening that nursing uniform,getting 4" heel and exam table and 4 silk ties..but that's another story
O a serious note . You need to talk to him and make him talk to you about sex..If you can't come to terms on sex do not get married..Sex may not be number 1 in a relationship but it's not last earthier..
2007-09-26 08:53:14 · answer #7 · answered by Bill 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it, when you are old and want someone you truely love the most, then you won't be able to have sex anyway because you are that old. Do you honestly think if you left him and moved on that you wouldn't miss him? And if you told the next guy that you left a man you loved just because you were hornier than he was, that the next guy wouldn't think you could leave him for any reason? I know you like to be intimate but maybe you want to leave him for more than just sex?
2007-09-26 08:29:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex and money are the two thing most fights are about in marriage. With him saying "he's happy with the way things are" that just means he has no motivation to change things. Money comes and goes, but if you can't even enjoy each other that just sucks. I would say its time to break up.
2007-09-26 08:41:37 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, pleeeeaaaase trust me on this on and run for your life. I could have written this question ten years ago. I just got divorced last year after a completely sexless marriage. Your guy has something wrong with him. Please do NOT overlook the signs like I did. Get out now or you will regret it.
2007-09-26 08:45:50 · answer #10 · answered by meagain 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋