My bf & I have talked about getting married he will do it becasue I want it, but to him its just a piece of paper. I dont want to marry someone who thinks that is all it is. Its like a pity marriage, I will do this just to make you happy. If it isnt important to him as well I dont want that on me. I dont know what to do. I dont want him to marry me because its what I want but I dont know what to say to show him that is more then that. Is it hopeless and I should just live with him forever, get married knowing it means nothing to him, or move on? I dont want to move on btw. Thanks.
2007-09-26 07:22:58 · 17 answers · asked by GeorgiaGal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont live with him yet. We have plans of moving in together as well as getting married till he said it was just a piece of paper and would do it cause it was important to me.
2007-09-26 07:53:16 · update #1
You can't make him change his values, which seems to be what you're asking. He doesn't care about marriage, and you do. It sounds as if your values aren't really that compatible, so is he really a man you want to share your life with until the end? To build a family with?
2007-09-26 07:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by melouofs 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm a woman and have been married before. I can honestly say I would never get married again. Marraige just isn't my thing I guess. I currently live with a man as if we we are "married." We have a loving and honest relationship. If we didn't work out, personally I feel it would be easier to move on. I would hate to go through a long drawn out divorce again. The "piece of paper" just isn't worth it in my opinion. If you have a good relationship, that is all that matters.
Although, as another poster said, pensions etc. may be good reasons to get married. It becomes kind of a practical thing to do. Anyway, I don't think you should NOT move on. Getting married does not give you any guarantee that things will work out, just as living together doesn't give you any gaurantees. Good luck and enjoy!
2007-09-26 15:09:02 · answer #2 · answered by LoraC 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I have this same idea (never been married and never will) and I share it with my partner, who has been burnt by a very unhappy marriage and a bitter divorce process. He realized that the litte piece of paper pretty much killed the happiness he used to have with his ex wife, because she took it as a property title and started b!tching in every possible way because she felt she had the right to. Now he just wants to be free and stay with me or anyone else because he WANTS to and not bcuz he's being FORCED to.
I agree with the ppl who said that marriage is what you do of it..... the paper itself means nothing. I think you have big expectations of the CONCEPT of marriage, not the paper itself. And if your BF has the same ideas as myself, believe me, he's never going to change. He might be willing to COMMITT to your relationship, but not sign the paper bcuz maybe that will make him feel imprisoned. If you can't deal with this and you MUST have the paper, then you'll have to marry someone else who shares your same values and expectations.
You say you don't want to move on, but you also say "If it isnt important to him as well I dont want that on me" and that you don't want a pity marriage, which is great because no one should settle for pity actions.... and yes, he'd only sign the paper to please you. If you can deal with that idea, then marry him. If not, you will HAVE to move on, sorry dear.... IT IS hopeless. He cannot change his values -- and shouldn't be expected to -- just like you cannot change yours. Good luck.
2007-09-26 14:59:23 · answer #3 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that's the problem, you live with him. I know in this age people do that all the time, but why get married if you are already living together? Basically to him it is a piece of paper it's not going to change anything.
2007-09-26 14:47:38 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have to ask yourself if this is really what you want ,to live with a man that thinks that way and btw I dont think he ever intends to marry you . A man that thinks that way is more than likely to cheat on you cause his marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper . that is all it will ever be to him . No I would say it is high time to move on and find someone who feels the same way you do about marriage . Marriage is a commitment not a part time thing . Nope time to move on . good luck .
2007-09-26 14:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a contract between two people. If you were in front of a finance manager and were signing for a car and told that person the contract meant nothing to you, the loan would be declined. You are a lot more important to yourself than a motor vehicle. If he does not want to honor the obligation now do not expect things to change for the better when things get worse. Pass and find someone who wants to honor their obligation and mean what they commit and swear to legally.
2007-09-26 14:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by jodie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The marriage certificate IS just a piece of paper.
The marriage is what you make it.
As for marriage, were I a woman , knowing what I have learned about the legalities, I would NEVER move in with a guy who I was not married to.
Do what you like but I would hold out for the paper.
2007-09-26 14:29:41 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
it will mean something to him if, God forbid, something happens to you; he won't have any input as to your well-being and in the event you would die, he would have no say in your burial or what happens to any of your things. Furthermore, when you get older, if the two of you don't marry and you have pensions and something happens to either one of you; the pension goes back to the company, only a spouse can receive pension benefits. You also get a tax break for being married. Other than that, it is just a piece of paper, if he is already committed to your relationship.
2007-09-26 14:30:29 · answer #8 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Then do not worry about the paper work and just enjoy your time with him and never push a subject of getting married to a man anyway.. all what he is going to do is do it to make you happy, but the key question Is he happy about getting married..?
2007-09-26 14:35:15 · answer #9 · answered by K_LOVE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a piece of paper to many people because of how they live. They have sex with, live with, and have children with their partner anyway. When you live like that, what does the marriage certificate do? Not much. If you give marriage these exclusive benefits, it will be an important and exciting step.
2007-09-26 14:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You seem to have a strong sense of what marriage is about and he obviously does not. He will never take the bond you guys have together as serious as you and with it just being a piece of paper, he will probably not think twice to just divorce if he just wanted to. I think you should think twice about him and maybe find someone who has the same beliefs as you.
2007-09-26 14:33:52 · answer #11 · answered by Green Eyes 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋