do you think your children know when their parents are mad at each other ..i mean the little ones , i have two boys 5, and 2. lately we have arguing and have plenty of issues , the other day i was making dinner and my husband was still at work so i asked my 5 year old if he would like to eat....his response was "NO i want to wait for my daddy and we are ALL going to eat TOGETHER like a FAMILY " and then he continues " ..and after were done eating we are going to take a WALK together like families do " does this mean my boy is feeling a little sad and is aware of what is happening with his parents?? i'm so sad i don't want to continue to hurt my boys..any advise please.
there has been divorce talk on my husband part i still love him and more than anything i would like to work things out ..but my boys are the most important thing in this crazy world and i don't want to see them hurt anymore! but is it a loose loose situation ..either we divorce and my boys have a broken family ....
2007-09-26 06:43:30 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
or my boys have to be part of this constant arguing and fighting ..this is the hardest thing EVER !!!!
2007-09-26 06:45:03 · update #1
Oh kids are very receptive. And they may not have the words to describe their feelings but they feel the stress just the same. Try and keep your fights out of little ears.
xxx
2007-10-02 17:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by Shel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They know!!! All children sense tense things between people. My son and daughter come from my first marriage. We fought all the time and sometimes it would get physical. He knew the tension in the air. We are divorced now and I have
a wonderful husband and three more beautiful children. What we do when we are arguing is wait until later when the kids are in bed. By then we have calmed down and can talk rationally. If you want your marriage work then try it this way. Maybe talk your husband into going to a counselor with you. Don't let those babies grow up thinking that mommy and daddys are suppose to be mean to eachother. I hope that you are able to work this out. Children need both parents and without the fights. Good luck
2007-10-04 02:25:34 · answer #2 · answered by momof5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The solution to arguing too much is -- ready for this? -- to stop arguing. Just quit it. When your husband says something that you want to get into an argument about, or if you say something and he reacts in a way that makes you think he is starting an argument, just shut up. Leave the room, count to ten, lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes, take a walk around the block, put on your MP3 headphones and listen to some loud music for awhile, or whatever it takes. If you're feeling up to it, simply change the subject: "I sure hope we get some rain soon, don't you?" The point: do NOT take the bait to argue.
See, it takes two people to argue. If you stop arguing, there cannot, therefore, be an argument. So quit.
At first, you'll feel a lot of unexpressed anger. However, there is a power in silence. You not arguing actually puts you in a position of power, because it will be you deciding not to argue, and your husband gets no choice in the matter.
After doing this for a week or two, you will start to notice the frequency of times you want to get into an argument decline. At that point, implement your wise son's suggestion: eat dinner as a family and go for a walk as a family. He's brilliant!
2007-09-26 06:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a child can sense from the day they are born when something is wrong with their parent or whoever is holding them. and your son's reaction is normal he knows as well as your 2 year old that something is wrong and he wants to try and make it better. maybe you and your husband both need some time together to rekindle the feelings you had and what brought you together in the first place. your son is feeling like his world is coming apart. because children do not know how to understand adult things. your son is sensing that mom and dad needs that family time. alot of families wouldn't end in divorce if they could open up and follow their childrens lead. these innocent children know alot of times more than we can ever suspect or dream of them knowing. your husband and you need to take every possible avenue to try and find the love you have for each other. and if you cannot find it it will just hurt your children more in the long run to stay in an environment of no love shown and `constant arguing. i hope you both really seriously try to work out your differences. best of wishes.
2007-10-01 13:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Gladys C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, even babies pick up on small things in their environment like tension, change in tone of voice, etc. Children are born like little sponges. They soak up everything around them. They are born blank and YOU write on their very heart and soul, changing them every day and who they are. Rest assured, your fighting and the tense environment ARE affecting your children. It never ceases to amaze me how many women stay in bad marriages "for the children." Somehow they think PRETENDING to have an ok marriage and pretending everything is ok for 20 years is the way to go. You think the kid doesn't realize what is happening? All you're doing is teaching that child "ok - this is how r'ships look" so what do you think they'll go out and find when it's time for THEM to start dating? They'll naturally repeat their parents' relationship. So, staying for the sake of your children is complete bunk. It's better for them to see 2 strong, loving people in their lives who are stronger and happier apart than together. Divorce doesn't HAVE to be a catastrophe if the parents handle themselves well! The reason so many people think divorce hurts kids is because it's how the parents deal w/ the divorce. The divorce itself is somewhat traumatic but it's the parents' tug of war, feelings of guilt, etc that totally screw up the child. If you can keep those things out of it and actually put your children first, then divorce CAN be a good option. I'm not advocating that for ALL couples who are having trouble. Sorry - just ranting about the really bad marriages and the excuse of staying "for the kids." In some cases, the marriage can totally be saved through counseling and everything can work out great. For your sake and your kids, I hope that is the case.
2007-09-26 06:53:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, children can sense strain in their household. Even if you and your husband try to distance them from it, your children are most likely aware of the situation. They may hear you when you think they can't, they can sense when you are tense, sad, or angry even if it is not directed at them.
I've been through this with my daughter when she was your sons age. I ended up telling her that just like she sometimes argues with her friends, Mommy and Daddy argue too. I reminded her that even when she argued with her friend's she still liked/loved them and so do Mommy and Daddy.
My relationship ended, and I did have to put my daughter through some counseling (mainly b/c he abandoned us completely), but it really helped her to know that she had done nothing to cause us to break up. I just let her know that we (Mommy an Daddy) were not able to get along and it was best for everyone that we broke up. I let her know that we tried hard to get along, but that we just couldn't stop arguing.
While it is best for a child to be in a home with both parents, it is not a loose loose situation if you do get divorced. In the long run, if you are not able to repair your marriage, your children will be OK with two seperate homes. If you and your husband can not make things work and be happy, loving, and healthy with each other then your home will never be happy and healthy for your children.
2007-10-03 11:20:22 · answer #6 · answered by tygres74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you think that they are hurting now? Well, they are and yes they do know much more than you think. They might could be happier if you were both happy and if that means that you have to be apart then so be it. Children are resilient and if you and your husband are happier people apart then the children will see that and adjust. Divorce is never a good thing but constant fighting and arguing is worse. A peaceful home promotes love and happiness.
2007-10-02 18:22:47 · answer #7 · answered by Christyne N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes they feel the tension. Children are EXTREMELY sensitive to tension and anxiety and pick up on these very easily. They have no clue as to exactly what is going on but they can feel that it's not good. I would never advice people to stay together "for the children" because they know when people are unhappy and it spills into their lives no matter how hard adults "try" to "act normal". They go to friends houses eventually and will see what "real" normal is like and then come home and compare, etc. Maybe your husband and you could go for marriage counseling and then for family counseling after your marriage issues are resolved one way or another. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-09-26 07:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You son is apparently not only aware of the problems in your marriage, but he is placing his hopes on it. If your marriage fails, there is a chance that he will feel like it's his fault. This can of course have a great negative impact on him. Make sure your husband is aware of the impact that your discussions have on your son. If you need to discuss or argue about something, do so in a private place where your kids can't hear you and start talking to them about how much you and you husband love them. Make sure they understand that they are not the cause of any of your or your husband's problems. You still love you husband, so work on your marriage. Talk to him and team up, instead of drifting each other apart, try and solve every issue together. Best of luck!
2007-09-26 06:57:01 · answer #9 · answered by onlinetherapist.com 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex and I fought like crazy...he was really mean and I fed right into it. What made me leave was when my 5 year old daughter saw me crying after a fight and thought she needed to take care of me. We are divorced now and have 50/50 custody of our little girl, while she was sad because we divorced...she is very happy now. Her father and I have a relationship of respect because of her toward each other, my husband and he get along quite well and my daughter loves her new Daddio. When my ex finds a new girlfriend, she is welcome to come over with our daughter anytime to see things that go on here. For our daughter, it was the best thing that could have happened to her...she no longer ever feels like she needs to make me feel better...I am there to make sure she is happy and I am happy with her....more important. She is in loving and healthy homes.
2007-09-26 06:52:29 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try sitting down and talking it over and don't ever fight in front of your kids the wrong thing to do ever. Kids can feel when there is something wrong and they try to make it better and they need to know that its not them but be very calm around them because then the will react on what you 2 do try getting some help take the kids to a daycare and spend the day together good luck
2007-09-26 06:50:35 · answer #11 · answered by t g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋