Did feminists create artificial unhappiness in marriage? Leading to more divorce?

Question

Do they shift the blame for normal every day problems onto the man.
"It's the man's fault" for everything. Just about anything can be blamed on men.

[SPUDDY] Who made divorce more culturally acceptable?

[theadesmoines] Your whole answer is exactly what I'm talking about. This is the type of discontent created in marriage.

[FRAXINUS] I am afraid we are miles apart. If you truly believe all this then your view of men and marriage does lead to divorce.
You say all this:-
"Marriage was very like slavery
he was a good boss
wedding ring.....through her nose
legally beat his wife.
many unacceptable males these days
persuaded or bullied into marriage
women don't want to marry them.
a man turns into a husband
Swaggering about obviously looking for somebody to push around"

[rude unfeeling b*tch] No that is not what I'm saying. It's the turning of a typical problem in marriage into a gender war. Like the he does that because he wants to oppress you type of thing. The man might have just as much difficulty with his wife as the wife with him. Why does feminism never promote the solutions within the marriage?

[theadesmoines] You might have some experiences that lead you to have that view. But are you blindly imposing that onto every marriage?

[LILITH] I can't accept that marriages were a bedrock of unhappiness that you make it out to be. My view is that feminists are recreating history. Of course there have always been some unhappy marriages throughout history, but they are outnumbered by the good marriages

Answer 1

It would be convenient if that was true, but the fact remains, and can be proved - there are still women alive to bear witness, so there can be no sliding the truth under the mat, as been the tradition hitherto.

Marriage was very like slavery - and I mean cotton-picking slavery. The woman took the owners name, worked for him and her money was his money - he shared her bed and all the children had his name. If he was a good boss, she and the children lived well; if he was a poor boss, everybody had a hard time. The wedding ring given to the wife could easily have had put through her nose, for all it meant happy unity. The husband could - until quite recently, legally beat his wife. (With a stick no thicker than his thumb). Whether he was rich or poor, the husband decided what housekeeping she received and she had to make it last however big the family. In the fifties, many wives of quite well-off husbands found themselves wheedling and coaxing for the necessities of life. A mean husband meant permanent misery for all. A generous husband was loved by everybody for his generous spirit and he was a joy to behold.

The reason why there are so many unacceptable males these days is because women were pushed, guided, persuaded or bullied into marriage to men they didn't want, because the family didn't like spinsters around the place - even when they paid for themselves. Now, if women don't like the look of a bloke, she'd rather live alone than marry him. At least she's in a position to scarper if anything went wrong.

What young men can't understand is why women don't want to marry them. Mainly, it's because as soon as they are married, a man turns into a husband, and that is not a glowing prospect. Their grandmothers probably didn't want to marry their grandfather but there was little option then. These days they can choose and the good mannered one's are taken first. Swaggering about obviously looking for somebody to push around and make him feel manly is not attractive and the women would rather stick needles in their eyes than marry them.

Answer 2

I think the only thing that leads to more divorce is it is more acceptable now days. Back then you couldn't just divorce if you were unhappy you had to stay miserable forever. I don't think any one gender is to blame it is just two different people that just don't work together for whatever reason even if it is just seemingly caused by one person the other is somewhat to blame also whether it is a lack of love or unhappiness. (not in all cases though some are just unhappy with themselves and no one can change that but themselves). I don't think everything is blamed on men though but it does seem to be separated by gender rather than the individual which should change no one is the same person regardless of age sex and race.

Answer 3

I don't think feminism had to create artificial unhappiness...there was plenty of actual unhappiness already there. The rise in divorce rates come as a result of the lessening of social stigmatism that being a divorcee is being a failure.
Both men and women of my grandmother and mother's generations believed in marriage as truly being "till death do you part" regardless of circumstance. People today are more willing to leave a bad situation. Yes, there are a lot of divorces because people give up, or because they never really should have gotten married in the first place. But it has also allowed people to remove themselves from abusive or controlling situations without the taint of being looked down upon.
The main problem with divorce is that people, both men and women, do not truly consider what marriage is before they enter into the institution. Instead of working through problems, people bail. Divorce should not be used as a quick fix any time you dislike where a current situation has gotten you, but since both men and women file for divorce on a daily basis, I don't think you can land the higher divorce rates on the doorstep of the feminists.

Answer 4

Marriage, at least in the Western culture, is still a choice. I do believe that both men and women enter into it with the best of intentions (excluding examples of shotgun weddings, etc), and with open minds. Their expectations, I think, is what generally gets in the way. When they are not met, they are disappointed and unhappy. And often, unfortunately, we hold others responsible for our unmet expectations. Totally unfair, but happens more often than not.

To be more direct, I truly don't believe that women create artificial unhappiness in a marriage for the sole purpose of getting divorced. But I do believe there is alot of unecessary unhappiness as a result of their expectations being unrealistic or too high - and them not being met. This will generally lead to the blaming men thing...

Answer 5

I am a feminist and this has nothing to do with feminism but the idea that the 'grass is greener on the other side'. One woman I know went and left her husband for no reason and took her four children and banned him from seeing his kids or getting joint custody. She makes a lot of money as a dining room manager and pulls in $125 or more in tips a day. She works five days a week, so she earns close to $50,000 and can get government tax credits, the child care tax benefit, subsidized daycare and free health care. She is now remarried and complains that she had a fifth child who was autistic when she could have elected to terminate the pregnancy. That was her choice.

Well, she complains that her ex didn't give her enough money, a complaint I often hear from--get this--successful, well-educated, employed, middle to high income, upper-class, literate women who leave a relationship for no reason or else are primarily responsible for the divorce and have also usually filed for it after getting half the value of the house and mutual assets and keeping all their income and assets, then DEMANDING more alimony and child support while BANNING the fathers from seeing their kids and having visitation/custody rights, even MOVING AWAY or moving in with ANOTHER MAN who supports them and then expecting ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.

I am not against a fair, egalitarian division of mutual property, investments, bank accounts, benefits, retirement funds and other assets but am completely against a middle to upper class woman demanding alimony and child support. Joint custody should be the basis of all negotiations in family divorce law. I have also read statements from single mothers on Soulcast complaining that their ex-husbands should help them out now that they're REMARRIED and had more children BY ANOTHER MAN, like this is the problem of their ex. You take your piece of the pie and leave and don't ask for more.

Answer 6

I think the increase in divorce rates has to do with many factors which include: divorce becoming more culturally acceptable, so instead of just dealing with a spouse you no longer love and banging your paramore on the side, people can now just up and leave the marriage and not be looked on as a pariah. Also, women are more able to support themselves financially nowadays so instead of staying in a relationship because of financial security, as many women used to do, they can now work high paying jobs and whatnot. I also think since the baby boomer generation Americans have become more self centered and self entitled, so they're less likely to try to stick with a relationship and try to work on it when it starts to go downhill. I think this is ALL Americans, not one gender in particular. I think the root of that problem is our child centric culture.
Anyway, the point is social problems are not simple black and white issues that have one single cause.

Edit: Feminism played a big part (not the sole part) in making it more culturally acceptable. I won't deny that. HOWEVER, where you and I differ is I don't believe that is necessarily a bad thing. You would have to assume divorce is not merited in 100% of cases for your premise to be correct, and that's just not how things are. Many times divorce is merited. But indeed, many times it is not, and that's why I believe our self centered and entitled culture (caused by child-centricity) as well as conservative Christian values come into play and screw everything up. :)

Edit: theadesmoines was being sarcastic.

Edit: On what grounds can you claim that marriages used to be happier than they are today?

Answer 7

Why would anyone do that? Who wants to be miserable?

I admit - I will be angry about something, but I try to talk about it so I don't stew.
My husband and I are trying to get out of the fault thing. I don't like it and I know he doesn't. I admit when I'm wrong; it takes a little more coaxing on his part - but he will admit as well. :)

I try to take responsibility for my actions. I don't like blaming anyone for something I've done.

Answer 8

so the question is do you blame feminism or do you blame the FEMALE... she choose to be feminist then choose to end the MARRIAGE. accountability people come on!

she must not of been happily married to begin with and it's highly unlikely that a femanzi cult put a gun to her head!?!

the problems with gender separation and such are just that PROBLEMS! women WHERE not treated fairly, and so they decided to speak out and form feminism.

broken record

Carrie... FUNNY, really funny

Answer 9

Divorce is rarely the result of a single person's actions. In some instances someone will just be a horrible person, but even then, both parties agreed to be married. So they must deal with the consequences.

Answer 10

LMAO. Thank you for giving me a great laugh, I needed it today.

Happiness in marriage requires constant attention and effort to get things going. Ability to share in every responsibility no matter how insignificant it is. Ability to share in happiness and pain, victory and failure is not something everyone is willing to do. It is not easy to step outside of your own little world to care and share with another person, even though you enjoy having sex with them from time to time. Most people can not and choose not to handle the stress of a relationship. It is easier to be single: no responsibility for anyone but one's self. Now, do tell what does it have to do with feminism?