We've only been married for a little over a year and my husband can't seem to get enough of hanging out with his friends. The worst part is that his friends are losers, one which left his wife recently with 2 year old twins because all he did and still does is go out and party at clubs and car races and car club meetings. My husband is always with them now and doesn't go a week without going to a club at least one time. I yell at him, I've begged him to stay home and its's like he doesn't even care b/c he goes out anyways. He is also always constantly talking on the phone to this girl. I've told him that he can have friends but that it's not right for him to always be on the phone with someone I don't even know, b/c I know he wouldn't it like it if it was me talking to a random guy. He goes out every Wednesday and Fridays and I really want to get these bad influences off of him. They smoke and drink and even last month, my husband got drunk which never happened and its all influence.
2007-09-26 04:57:27 · 38 answers · asked by Jessy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband is acting like an adolescent. He doesn't respect your wishes by going out with his childish friends and now he's carrying on (on the phone) with another female. You need to know where you stand with him.
I'd offer him an ultimatum. It's a risk but wouldn't you rather know how important you are to him?
I think a married woman deserves to have more of her husband than you have. Good luck.
2007-09-26 05:06:05 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my question to you : Did all of this *poof* start happening the day after the wedding? Not likely.
You knew what junior was like when you married him. Surprise - people do not change because they said "I do".
Stop making excuses about the "bad influences" unless you married some prepubescent 12 year old he should be able to think for himself - and if he really gave two shakes about you and your marriage he would making the right decisions. He got drunk and that "never happened" before? Yeah right - not that you have seen at least. That wasn't his friends fault that was HIS fault - no one elses.
You have two choices: resign yourself to this being your life or tell him flat out that you need for things to change in order to make the marriage work or you're outta there.
2007-09-26 05:21:50 · answer #2 · answered by Susie D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sounds like he is immature and really didn't want an exclusive relationship with you. Yes, going out even if it is alot isn't a crime. Some people are just more social than others and if this is how he was when you met him than you were foolish to believe you could change this about him.Now if this wasn't how he was when you met him and fell in love with him and married him than maybe you need to show him what it is like to get the opposite of what you thought. Go out and don't tell him where you are. When he calls you asking where you are just say out and I will be back later. Its likely he will get angry and try to tell you you cant do this.Here is were you remind him how it feels for you when he does this and doesn't seem to give you respect. Sometimes you need to "show" someone what its like in order to get them to wake up. If he dont seem to care and continues what he is doing, I say he dont really care and its time you move on and find someone who will love and respect you back.
Good Luck!!
2007-09-26 05:13:13 · answer #3 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but I agree with a lot of these people. He needs to grow up, and you can't make him do that. He'll have to choose, and I suspect that choice might be made by him many years after you are out of his life (if that's what you choose). There are many of us whose biggest mistake is the people we choose to be with. I'm sure he has some good qualities, but it seems this relationship will end up unhappily in the end. Do you want to prolong the misery? I don't judge you. It happens to the best of us. You have every right to be bothered by him talking all the time to a girl on the phone. Married people shouldn't act that way. Good luck. Remember, you deserve the best.
2007-09-26 05:25:03 · answer #4 · answered by carrie222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All the answer are the. Kick his butt to the curb. This don't even sound right. You got someone who was not ready for marriage and probably never will be. Do you have children? Don't matter leave. Start over do it right. Go find yourself, love yourself. Someone out there want to share good times with. Let that sorry *** go. Time will heal the wounds of being with a loser. This is harsh BUT HE DON'T WANT YOU AND YOU DON'T NEED HIM. You are SPECIAL!!!! Now look in the mirror and say it!!
2007-09-26 05:15:18 · answer #5 · answered by shellnpepe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay.... I want to be nice about this but I just can't.
First, if he was talking to a girl on my phone, in my home, I would rip the thing out of the wall and walk away leaving him to figure out 'Why' I did it.
Second, if he constantly wanted to go out and 'party' without me.... I would tell him.... "Honey, if you walk out that door tonight and leave me here alone again, you can just keep walkin, and not EVER come back." I would give him ample time to choose... then ...once he left... I would pack everything he owns into a cardboard box and sit on the front lawn. Then... I would change all the locks in the house.
Then, he can go live with his friends whom he finds so interesting and leave me to go on with my life.
He has made you into a doormat. Why are you letting him get by with this?
Grrrrr.... take a stand and stop letting him treat you this way. You deserve much better.
By the way, you cant change his friends. Your problem is with him... so stop making excuses for him.... HE chooses to go be with them. He is a big boy and knows what he is doing. Hold him accountable for his actions.
2007-09-26 05:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by pink 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is basically already a need for you and your husband to have things settle down.The two of you need to talk and your nagging around him may not actually fix the problem. You need to confront him and ask him to be honest with you on how the two of you would like to take the relationship.If what he's doing is not making you feel any better, why live with it?
You need to say what you truly feel and just do make sure that you are able to get his own side as well.
2007-09-26 06:42:50 · answer #7 · answered by Dawn M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People have the right to enjoy themselves but they must respect there partner as well. Marriage is give and take.
If he keeps talking to some girl on his cell phone, look at his phone bill and get her number have a friend call her and find out who she is.
Then tell him if you like her so much pack your things and get around to her place right now and don't ever come back, if not stay here and don't call her again.
Be firm, if he is a good man he will stay and change his ways, if not and he leaves, you have lost nothing.
2007-09-26 05:09:18 · answer #8 · answered by PokerPlayer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys are terminal partiers....you can't take them away from the action or they go bonkers. Sounds like you married a mans man and not a family man. A man who is committed to marriage and the women he married would not carry on like this....not for one minute. I don't think you can change this, trying will only make him hate you. I think you need to decide for yourself if you want a man who goes out without you, has a wild side line of a life or do you want a settled man who loves coming home to you.
2007-09-26 05:05:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, it's not all influence. your hubby is a big boy, not some school child. if he didn't want to go out with his friends and do these thing, he wouldn't. and please do not pretend that you think he is "just talking" to these other girl. HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR!!!!! she's not a friend, she's his girlfriend! you can yell, scream, and threaten all you want to. obviously that hasn't worked, so you are going to have to try something different. one night when he's out, pack up and leave. maybe he'll get the point then. if he doesn't, then you are already ahead in getting rid of the loser.
2007-09-26 05:53:12 · answer #10 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋